I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I hate being here. I hate suffering. I’ve failed my parents. I’ve failed as a student. I’ve even failed as a speech captain. I thought I could do it. I was stupid. Stupid for thinking I could ever be anything more than a piece of shit daughter. My parents found out about my self harm and suicidal thoughts. They told me that I’m just an attention seeker and that, that isn’t the way to get attention in this house. So I switched kinda… I didn’t realize it at first but a few days ago I realized that my bulimia is my new self harm. I knew I had an eating disorder before I just didn’t think it would become something like bulimia…. I can’t let myself cry anymore. It’s weak to cry. I know that now. I’ve become this hallow shell of a girl. When my migraines come sometimes I take too much medication…. other times I just lay back and enjoy the pain. After all that is what a freak like me would do isn’t it? I’m taking a psychology at my school and I’ve slowly faded to the back. Just like in my health class now that we’re talking about suicide, self harm, depression, and eating disorders. You know I guess I’ve just come to terms with knowing I will never do anything or go anywhere. I’m sorry my parents ever wasted money on me. I’m not worth a penny. What would happen if I ran away. Into the cold and just froze to death? My body would be preserved so they could have an open casket funeral. After all my mum did tell me that if I did end up being so selfish as to kill myself at least do it so there can be an open casket so that your sisters can get closure. So basically my parents don’t even give a shit if I die. Great. I’m glad we’re on the same page.

Over and out,

Slowly_Fading