Every-day is the same: I wake-up, and stare through my window — at the consequence of London’s cold winters. The slight breeze in my room –basically my world- makes me chilly (cold). I get back into bed, and go through my phone for 45 minutes: battling with myself not to get out bed. As the clocks strike 11, I start hearing calls to have my breakfast… I already know what the menu will include: eggs, cheese, tomatoes, olives, tea and toasted bread: I love the menu; but I’m trying to become a vegan. Nevertheless, I have some cheese, spinach and a few pieces of fruit – my face staring into space; and feeling the emptiness in body. I stroll back upstairs, put on my laptop and browse the internet for a while: an hour or so.
After the food has digested, I make my way to the gym: it’s a 5 min walk; but I make the walk longer to burn-off more calories; and because I hope to come across something new: I never do. With my hoody on, I blare-out loud music on my phone, and begin training. I try avoiding eye-contact with other weight lifters. The gyms reception faces the exit- door: every-time I’m about to leave I hope that nobody is in the reception area, as I don’t want to say good-bye to anyone. I take a 30 min walk after the gym.
When I get home, I make my-self a nutritious smoothie: with spinach, apples, bananas, nuts and sometimes – yogurt. With the smoothie, I make my way up into my room, and a turn-on the laptop for another session of youtube videos; by the time my thick smoothie is rendered non-existent, I start getting ready to make my way to uni; I get there 30 minutes early; then I go through a boring 3 hour lecture. Alone, I make my way back home having not even said more than 10 words the whole day: some-days I never use any words. I get back home, and get greeted with the same BS: its cold outside isn’t? – Or, how was Uni ? – FUCK UNI.
I have a few bits and pieces to eat, then make my way upstairs….
The room is dark, my laptop is turned-on; and I’m empty. I slip into bed, turn-on a film, and contemplate: why am I alive? What is the reasoning behind the breaths’ I take?
Link: https://todayistblogger.wordpress.com/2015/01/25/every-day-is-the-same/
4 comments
Sorry life is the same. The fact you want it to be different means there is hope. Please hold on. Have you asked for help- at your school’s counseling? Try it. Talking can change your brain chemistry.
I have a therapist that I go to. It will be my second-time tomorrow. Thankyou
It sounds as if you have become entrenched in a routine, which isn’t necessarily bad (going to the gym, eating healthy, walking and getting an education are all positives), but perhaps you just need to have some fun and socialize. Is there perhaps a group or club at your university that interests you? It could be a good way to meet some like-minded people.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
I’m glad that I’m doing something; but my life is empty and dark.