Just as dry summers pant for the first rain,
so thou art thirsty for a happy home
and for a life remote, like hermit’s prayer,
a corner of forgetting and of love.
And thirsty for the ship upon the sea
that ever onward sails with birds and sea-things,
filling its life with our great planet’s light.
But unto thee both ship and home said: ”No!
Look neither for the happiness remote
that never moves, nor for the life that ever finds
in each new land and harbor a new soul!
Only the panting of a toiling slave
for thee! Drag in the market place thy body’s
nakedness, strange to the strangers and thine own!”
From the poetry collection ”Life […]
Today was my friends high school graduation. I went because that’s what friends do, right? During the ceremony I was sitting with my other friend, and I was texting the one guy who knows about my depression. It was light hearted and joking conversation but he’s not the best at conversation so I stopped responding because all I wanted to do was tell him how I’m doing mentally. But it wasn’t the time or place. But I haven’t seen him in a while and I got to see him today but I wasn’t able to to talk to him in person because we each had […]
Hello. I have less than 1 week left in school. I can’t seem to stay still. Going to a place full of people like school is agony. I hate it. I got to get away. I can’t stay still. Every time I look around, I see people having a great time and spending it with others. I understand that I am alone. I just don’t want to show up to a place where it constantly reminds me. This restlessness has extended at home as well. Even in my room I can’t sit still. I want out. It’s driving me insane. Like I need to be […]
OK so I’m going home for a week because my parents are fucking nuts I am going by myself. Enough days in a week to brain wash my husband that my family is Satan minions.the in laws are acting like y family will chain my down to ground so I don’t come back …not like O want to. But what am I gonna do nothing becuase I am a worthless piece of shit .
I all ready yelled at the top of my lungs to stop saying my family will hold me captive .they didn’t care my mother in law is already in her head looking […]
I guess I should start from the beginning. I am 17 almost 18 and have a brother who is 16 and a sister who is 20. My life sucks is complicated and somewhat confusing at times.
I was adopted when I was 4 by a family who we were all happy to be part of. I was adopted because my parents did drugs and were nearly always unconscious. We were malnourished and my sister was looking after us. So I guess the positive was we got a new family and well that’s where things were supposed to get better but in fact things somehow got worse.
My brother […]
Why do you cause me pain?
why do nothing when I cry?
Why do you break my heart?
Am I not good enough for you?
I search for you throughout my day, I work hard so I can come home to see you, I strive for your love but you don’t see, you don’t care, you just yell, I finally have the courage to tell you what I’m feeling and you scream at me an to what I feel, I get thrown back down, then you get angry because I don’t tell you what’s wrong. You say you struggle everyday but when I say, you yell at […]
i was home alone for the bulk of the day. i should have killed myself whilst i had the chance. i should have gotten it over with.
why am i still alive.
I don’t think all people have a purpose. I even think some people will be stepped on and overlooked through the entirety of their life. Not everyone can have a fairy tale life or like in the movies. It makes those people more miserable seeing people have things fall in place for them while they struggle so much. I just don’t get why assisted suicide isn’t a thing. I mean they would rather have abortions in hospitals than in their home or on the street. They both are deaths of a human being. Let suicide happen in hospitals where people can say goodbye.
I can’t take this emotional spiral I feel like everyone is against me No one really cares I’ve been home for 6 day from residential I’m so done with this rollercoaster I’m getting off I’m gonna cut my brachial artery (the place you get blood drawn opposite of elbow,any tips or advice plz comment
I’m not doing well tonight. Got in a fight with my boyfriend. It wasn’t a huge fight or anything but it just left me feeling so bad. We had a nice dinner planned. Well, he did. Then one little thing I didn’t do set him off and now he’s sleeping but he made himself something to eat. It’s absolutely stupid really. He was mad because didn’t have a beer for him when he got home from work. Nevermind the fact I was on my way back from the store when he happened to get home an hour early. No use explaining. I really didn’t feel […]
I just broke down crying in front of my mom, I never cry in front of her.
Okay, so I know I talk my ex incessantly, but I never talk about my real pain. I am a caretaker for my 70 year old mother. I forgot to schedule her transportation (because she’s wheelchair bound) for an appointment she has had for months with her pain doctor.
My brain is scattered. I can barely put on my shoes and yet I am bogged down with EVERYTHING. I have to do everything under the sun for her because she is disabled. I also run a business at home and […]
Theres so much I feel like saying today, but then I try and there’s nothing. I go blank. Been feeling like this most of the day, my vision has been all jumpy and strange, & there is no cohesion to my thoughts.
Kinda feel like staying on this train forever ( Im on my way home from work), and dissapearing and starting all over again. Or just dissapearing. I feel like ive past my used by date sometimes. Like I somehow missed my date with the grim reaper. Probably slept thru it, knowing myself. Hiding under the doona and he couldnt find me.
I think the fact that I been cutting on an unusual amount recently has finally got me. I finally talked to both of my parents they’re both telling me to come home which I’m starting to think they’re right I’ve only been here 1 month the Amount have a Damage made to myself is too much . I think I’m actually might have left a scar so I I haven’t left a scar since I was 17 years old .when I left the the first letter of the words garbage worthless dirt selfish junk and I should kill myself .I seen yesterday those letters are […]
It’s so hard to write about this. U’ll be the first people who will know the truth about me even though you even don’t know my real name.
So…When my mom was pregnant, it turned up she had MS. This cannot be cured. There is no treatment. No chance. It can only gets worse. And it gets. I was the child she was going to born. My mom had the second, healthy baby but I’d like not to be ever born. If I hadn’t be born, she would be healthy now. She could be leading a happy life with my father and sister.In the first years […]
It was almost magical, the way we met. We had talked online occasionally for a few months before, on and off. The day before she went back to school from spring break, she told me where her home was. Only a 30 minute drive from where I lived. We immediately decided to meet. When we met we exchanged stuffed animals. She thought I was going to take her to Taco Bell. I ended up sharing a plate of pasta with her in a restaurant, then brought her home where we watched a movie. Her head was in my lap, and looking deep in each others’ […]
Just slept for almost 24 hours. Had a stomach bug at work and couldn’t leave, because we were short-handed. So when I got home at 7am yesterday, I guess my body was like wtf. Now, it’s almost 4am, and I’m awake. And it’s so incredibly lonely. Life is so lonely. I didn’t want to get out of bed and be reminded of that.
(Maybe this is an official “I’m back” post? We’ll see if my mind can keep on track. Good luck following my thoughts.)
I thought I was set for life because I had it planned out until retirement. Graduate high school, go to college and get my degree in accounting, get a job and earn promotions for the next 40 years of my life, retire and move to someplace beautiful and expensive, then wait to die. And I thought no more about it other than just a basic, simple, normal life. That was when I was in 9th grade when I made that plan. I have gone through […]