I don’t know where to begin…but I need to let this out and please, someone tell me what to do. I have survived suicide…and yes, it did get better. So much better that I think I can be happy again. I fell in love and this person loves me a lot too. He is aware of my past and is trying his best to help me since I still have depression and do self-harm. I want to be happy and get on with life. But I just CAN’T…why ? I should be really happy but for some reason I don’t feel anything. I am not able to accept that he loves me. And I am scared, really scared…
This all started years ago after my father died, it has been tough and I have been diagnosed with several disorders like Depression and GAD…that’s why I am scared. Should I tell him or should I not ? He is the only family I have and we are planning to marry but I fear if he’ll change after this. I know I might sound incredibly stupid right now but I don’t want to lose this chance at having a happy life. I didn’t believe it would get better but it did. I don’t want to ruin it. Someone, please…tell me what to do. There are also issues like my self-harm which I want to give up due to him…am I doing the right thing ?
10 comments
Giving up the self harm can be very difficult. I’ve been told that cutting becomes addictive, because it releases endorphins in your brain similar to cocaine.
I cut, you noticed I didn’t say used to. For now I’ve managed to stop, but I want to start so badly again. A girl I started dating was supposed to come over for dinner and stay the night. Well it’s evening, she’s not here and I feel so terrible. I don’t know if I can not cut tonight. The physical pain is so much easier to deal with than the emotional.
If you really want to stop current get some professional help. Maybe they can prescribe some drugs.
Good luck. I’m happy for you that you have someone who cares enough about you to stick with you.
I totally know this feeling…even me, if we ever have any arguments, I have to cut…like really I need to do it. I am not very proud of it but giving up is a very hard option. I hope the best for you. At least we are not alone.
I personally feel that honesty is always best in relationships and based on what you have said about your fiance, it sounds as if he loves you and will understand (plus, you stated that he is already aware of much about your past). I’m sure he would wish to help you any way he could.
In regard as to why you feel you cannot move on and be happy, I don’t think this is as uncommon as you may believe. When a person has become unhappy to the point of suicidal, I think the feeling of happiness later on can seem so foreign and strange. I honestly feel it may simply be a matter of adjusting to the fact that you HAVE found love and CAN be happy. My advice would be to focus on enjoying the life you have managed to achieve and not overanalyze or be too hard on yourself. Best wishes.
L4Y
(L4Y@cogeco.ca)
@L4Y
I love this advice! I only wish it was the solution for my little love deliema with my fiance.
@OP (on a phone that doesn’t let me see your name at this second, sorry.)
I get where your coming from, to be so frightened about saying anything that scares away the only one that seems to stick around to listen, or at least someone similar to that scenerio. If you are still afraid, invest in getting a therapist that will also sit in the discussion for you, as a means tp keep the conversation safe for both people. Tgis was how my fiance learned about my past suicidal attempts, and he’s learned that my attempts don’t define me, but the history that took me so close to ending is what affected me the most. It allowed him to understand, what is a safe discussion and safe method of how to handle my emotions if a discussion arises that wasn’t so good.
Yes…this seems to be a really nice idea. Thank you…I’ll surely try my best in doing this…having a safe conversation. Thank you so much again.
Thank you, L4Y…Your words really help a lot. I have decided to have faith in my love and let him know of everything. Thank you, for taking out the time to read this and help me.
L4Y, I think you’re correct on both points. She should be open with her fiance & share her dilemma with him. Also I think you’re statement “When a person has become unhappy to the point of suicidal, I think the feeling of happiness later on can seem so foreign & strange” is spot on. One is so unhappy that, you can’t ever see yourself as being happy. On a scale of -10 to +10, I’m doing good when I’m a zero.
Thank you, everyone – and EmptySoul, I wish you the very best and hope everything works out well 🙂
Thank you so much everyone…I did tell him and he…he still accepts me. Right now, he is making plans for our welfare so that he can take proper care of me and I couldn’t have asked for anything more. I am so grateful to everyone. Thank you again and I wish the very best for you too.I really love him so much. 🙂
And oh, he almost saw me posting here, so I changed my name…just in case.