PPD

Yeah I understand how you feel. You’ll be doing awesome and then suddenly everything comes crashing down. You end up losing hope and don’t know what to do anymore.

If the medication makes it worse, maybe try a different one? I know antidepressants may make you think about suicide. Which is ironic, because it’s supposed to help make things better. I had a horrible experience with my first antidepressant, I got one of the extremely rare side effect. I could hear voices in my head. It was so terrifying. And this was literally after a week after I started the medication, and as soon as I stopped the voices disappeared. You should tell your doctor about what you’ve been experiencing, and maybe he can put you on something else (I ended up having to take anti seizure medication, which worked fine for me).

Therapy also helps. Having someone to talk to can make a difference. Also therapists are there to help you and find ways to make life better. Sometimes when we talk to the people around us they don’t quite understand because they haven’t been through the same and the only advice they end up giving is that it’ll get better, it’s just a phase, or something like that, which doesn’t help at all. I mean I would tell you to talk to your husband as well. Even though like I’ve said people around us may not understand, but they’re there to support you and give you strength and love.

And it’s ok to be depressed, because that’s something we can deal with and maybe even fix, but once you’re gone, you’re gone. There’s no solution left. And not having a mother at all would be worse than having one who is depressed. Once you’re gone, it would devastate the people who love you. I think that’s the only thing that prevents me from committing suicide, knowing there are people that care, and how much I will hurt them.

And as for suggestions, maybe try to surround yourself with what you used to love doing. And remind yourself, the depression isn’t you, you are someone amazing, someone loved, someone who will be missed. When you put the things you used to love around you, you might think, “ah, that’s who I am.” Even hobbies help. And as much as I hate it, I know exercising helps with depression. As my psychiatrist told me, for every negative thing you say about yourself, you have to say five positive things. If you tell yourself that every time I think negatively, I will say five good things about myself, it might help.

I don’t know, I hope this helps, I hope you feel better. And remember you are not alone, all of us who suffer, we are in this together, and are here for each other.