4 Years into t.b.I., still cognitive with some motor skill damage to my right side just got shot down from my union welding job as an engineer after getting certified and feeling like life is fighting me!!! Loving drugs, pissings away government funds I’d rather (and am capable of) make on my own and pay taxes on… Fuck this shit – live on your dime, do cocaine when I can afford it, smoke mad weed and consume as much alcohol as I can take. My choice (if it comes down to it) is suicide by cop, I hope I can kill at least 1 before I’m gone!!!
WURD;-)
3 comments
I’m sorry you are facing such hardships. 🙁 Sounds like it is taking a huge toll on you. Do you notice your strength in the middle of all this? Do you see that you have smarts you are using even as you are in the depth of despair? Maybe that doesn’t mean much. For the longest time I’ve not cared how I was doing because life seemed in compatible with my pain and hurts. But really, look in the middle of your whirlwind. Take a helicopter view of your situation- a counselor told me that- look from way up above. See the strength that is radiating up and out.
Then, look at yourself with compassion. Everything that is happening stinks. Try to be on your side and look for good things that can help you. This IS a tall order.
But aren’t YOU worth it? Stretch yourself and work for your good.
((( hug)))
Whilst I hear what your saying and Janis Joplin would likely have a drink with you once youve done what you need to do, gone down whatever road needs to be walked consider your options if you find you reach a fork in that road.
Thank you for your kind words! I was angry (for valid reason) and it seems like every time I get 5 steps ahead I get knocked 10 backwords. I often wish I died in that motorcycle crash but in reality (so far) I’ve overcome obstacles that that most individuals in my position would not have even tried!!! Just turn the page and continue on!