Purpose

I guess my story can’t exactly be seen as a “suicide story”…
For a few years now I’ve been looking forward without any reason to do so. Call it survival, or monotony I don’t really know. The fact is, passion for something can only take you so far and that’s the one thing that keeps popping up in my mind.
Why do it? Why not stop? Honestly I don’t like being alive, feels more like some form of torture, I didn’t ask to be alive nor did I wanted to… Maybe I thought it was a competition so I cheated the leading sperm into second place. The bottom line is that, I look forward and see nothing… There’s nothing I want, no one I care about, nothing I feel like fighting for. I can’t kill myself, I’m too much of a coward to do it… I guess I want purpose.