I don’t think all people have a purpose. I even think some people will be stepped on and overlooked through the entirety of their life. Not everyone can have a fairy tale life or like in the movies. It makes those people more miserable seeing people have things fall in place for them while they struggle so much. I just don’t get why assisted suicide isn’t a thing. I mean they would rather have abortions in hospitals than in their home or on the street. They both are deaths of a human being. Let suicide happen in hospitals where people can say goodbye.
“We’re animals, and we’re on this hunk of Earth hurdling through space. There’s no meaning to life. There’s no purpose. It’s completely absurd and pointless, and we’re just creatures crawling around trying to have sex, and eat, and have shelter. And the only thing that’s for sure is that we’re going to decay and die, just as our ancestors did, and just as our progeny are going to, and that’s it. Does that sound good? That doesn’t sound too good.” – Jeff Greenberg (Flight From Death – Documentary)
Hello. I’ve felt that I have hit a wall recently. I haven’t progressed. I don’t really know where to go? You know I thought I had everything figured out, as far as future plans. Go to college, get a major in mechanical engineering, get a job at a local engineering firm etc. But that doesn’t really feel realistic. I recently had to write a life purpose letter. It was for some project I’m doing and it requires a letter that basically explains my plans for life. And I found it ironic. I thought about all the plans I had and realized none of it really matters. I don’t want that. Considering I think about dying all the time, planning my future is a funny thing. I’m not really sure. Thank you for listening.
Today I skimmed and read and skimmed and read hundreds upon hundreds upon hundreds of texts that my ex and I sent over the last year. They’re just there. In my phone. So much love. So much communication.
I know I need to delete it. I know I need to move on. What is wrong with me???
I don’t understand why I should live and I wish I was never born so that I don’t have to go through anything. You may call me a coward but to be very honest I really am jealous of miscarried children. I wish I were them rn. And I don’t care anymore about other people and how they feel nor do I care about what possible future I can bring. If I’m dead then they wouldn’t matter much to me. So if you do know the purpose of life then do tell me because I just don’t know anymore.
I’m leaving for a job interview in an hour. Hoping I get employed. If I found a job again I wouldn’t feel so useless. It’ll give me a purpose to get up every day again.
It would seem that all of my plans and hope for a bearable future failed today, I wont bother with going further into details on this. I happened to have a meeting with my psychiatrist right after I figured that out and I just opened up and said that I cannot go on like this. I have to start preparations, my computer, hard drives, my room itself.. my online people.. things must be erased, those who knew me a little deserve to be informed if I go.. And now I am awaiting a call from an “emergency team” I don’t know what this means.. I don’t necessarily mind talking to anyone but I fail to see the purpose.. its all gone to hell.
Why can’t life be simple why do we have to go though so much pain and suffering why is the world such a horrible place what is our purpose for being here I didn’t ask to be born so why must I ask to leave with out feeling guilty
i envy the people born into a happy homes loving family money etc I think they get the best chance of life wile the rest start from the ground up but how can you start building if u haven’t even got a fucking dream or no were to start ?
but that’s just me how’s everyone
The Gritty Truth Of Reality:
An Essay by A.O.
Why am I here? Why do I exist? Questions asked by most people. The answers range from a spiritual, God put you here..), to the scientific explanation of evolution of organisms. The obvious truth. The only sure answer. You are here because your parents fucked. Whether intentional or not, planned or not, your fathers sperm fertilized your mothers egg. Now you exist.
But, where did we come from? Like people in general? Where does it begin? This is a follow up, to the previous question. Now every religion and scientists have a lengthy answer that leaves so many more questions. The best answer, is in fact a question. Why does it matter? We are here now. You don’t ask to tour a farm before buying groceries. It makes no sense to ponder the beginning of life.
OK, I’m here. One will accept this. What is my purpose? A fantastic question. Answers range from, to love, to spread God’s word, to reproduce, to make an impact… The honest truth, you are here to consume. Like a toaster, it’s purpose is to toast. When it stops toasting, it is discarded. In the womb, we consume nutrients from our mother. From then on, we must continue or we will be discarded.
Now many will at this point, explain and defend their deity of choice. They’ve felt, seen or experienced something profound. A proof of existence. To which I introduce the placebo effect. We’ve been able to prove, if you believe in something hard enough it will produce desired results. So, if believing gives you meaning, congratulations.
So why am I “X”? X being whatever such thing plagues you. Be it sickness mentally or physically, or maybe an aesthetic condition. The answer is a complex. It involves multiple aspects of genetics and situational circumstances. The gritty truth, it doesn’t matter. You are. So you be.
But why is the world so bad with…? Disease, hunger, war, persecution, oppression… see above, consumption. Some choose to consume more. Some choose less.
That’s it, I’m done. Some may cry. I don’t like this and I wish to leave. How can I do that? Stop consuming. It’s a guaranteed 100% effective way to cease to exist.
I sit here with thoughts of suicide swirling around in my head.
I don’t know if there’s a purpose to my life; why was I born.
All my life I’ve wanted to be loved; no one has ever wanted me.
I feel such loneliness, so empty inside.
I wish I could cease to exist, I don’t want to live anymore.
I hate myself and wish I was dead.
I swear that even the fucking teachers here are trying to make my life miserable on purpose. The one time I actually find a place where I can sit at lunch where no one can mess with me I’m of fucking course not allowed to be there.
There’s not purpose in my fucking life so what the point in even living, it’s so lame, so boring. I don’t want to live another stupid year, kill me now.
there are times when i feel completely numb and there are times when i feel as if nothing can bring me down. i am caught in a place where i cannot figure out how i truly feel. i am so sick of feeling like i have to block out my emotions because others around me cant understand it. i constantly feel alone, lost and out of control. i just need to know the reasons why i feel the way i do…
But here’s the ground and there’s your feet
And never the two shall meet
If a complete stranger foiled my suicide on purpose like in the music video, I wonder how I’d feel. Something tells me it would be a perfect, contradictory concoction of fury and relief.
how do I figure out, what my purpose is? i just need a sign. just to let me no why I was put here. cause at this point, I don’t even think there is a reason I was put here. just a mistake my parents made. how come over heard so many people say they’ve received signs, and they’re life has changed for the better now? Or that just wonke up one day, and they didn’t want to die anymore. well why can’t that happen to me? I know I have to be “patient”, but I feel like I’ve been patient a little too long, and things are just getting worse, and worse each day.
You wake up in the morning and the first breath you take you can feel the sadness fill your lungs. You can feel yourself gasp for air as it completely consumes you. Leaving you just laying there praying you can make it one more day. One day without the thought, sadness, or confusion of why you belong on this earth. What is my purpose?
*sigh*, I don’t even know how to begin. It’s not in our Hispanic culture to give up or speak about our feeling so I don’t know how to start this post.
I’ve always had thoughts of ending my life, but I’ve always been able to suppress them and put them in a corner. Now I just thought of giving up. I am 19 years old, fresh out of high school with no sense of purpose. I work 10 hour days which give me alot of time to think. I think about all my friends who have gone on to college and to forge their lives, while I just push boxes around all night. I want a sense of purpose, I WANT to help the world (There’s so much pain and suffering in the world, If i could ease the pain of someone else that would just brighten up my pitiful life) But alas, I don’t know how. I want to go into the medical field, you know be a nurse or something. but my dumbass probably will flunk out of school. I want to serve in the military, but I am too fat, (use to weigh 305 LBS, currently at 265) I’ve tried everything but I can’t lose the weight. I’m pretty sure I am a laughingstock of my graduating class.
I just want to give up man, I almost did once, I found a handgun in my uncles room but it was unloaded. Now everyday I wonder if i should just off myself, who would care? All my “friends” would show up to my funeral but it wouldn’t mean anything. I just cant do it man. I just imagine the police knocking on the door saying “your son was found dead” and watching my mom breaking down crying. I would feel bad for all those invovled, the underpaid and underespected police officers who would probably be the first on scene, the tired firefighters who would probably declare me dead and coroner who already have to deal with enough death and than having to team lift my obese corpse into that white van, and those other people who in some way where impacted.
Alas, I am in limbo, I am sitting in a beaten up sedan(probably 20 years younger than me), in the cold Arizona air; The night is rather normal, the occasional jet plane flys over on it’s way to Sky Harbor, everyone is in a hurry leaving work, yet I am here with one question. Should continue living or hurt my family by just ending it?
It’s funny looking at my older posts. Such illusion yet such passion. I can now pretty clearly see the illusions I was in. Of course at that time I couldn’t see them, but that’s how life has always been with me – a game of hide-n-seek where the thing you’re looking for is right inside you. What amazes me is the passion with which I was seeking. I no longer suffer from the things I was so terribly suffering from then. But that passion is also gone.
This letting go thing is pretty heavy with me these days. I am recalling that conversation from Matrix when Neo goes into simulated matrix with Morpheus first time after waking up. Morpheus is explaining things to Neo and says ,”We don’t allow people to wake up before reaching a certain age because they have trouble letting go.” I think I was having this trouble. Now past doesn’t matter much anymore. Neither do present. Though I’m far from feeling fulfilled.
It requires a certain strength to create meaning when you can’t find one. Since I grew weary of searching I decided to create instead – it requires a certain strength to do that. It requires a purpose and a will to live.
To fill this hollowness- how can that be done? I think it is this hollowness that people fill with God, love, alcohol, purpose, passion, the so-called ‘something to die for’. It gives strength to this fundamentally weak human. Why is this the course of things? Which scheme does it fit in?
Anyway I am rambling. I am not suffering that much these days, so I don’t think I have any right to write here. Sorry.
My life’s too busy, I did that on purpose so I’d be too busy to think, but I just want a day to do nothing, I’m so worn out….on the bright-side, I found $50 of the ground today! anyways i’m just so tired, and I’m really worried about my BF who is also suicidal, and he’s really over life right now, which really scares me, and I don’t know what to do. He sees a therapist, which is at least more than I do for myself. I don’t know how I could live if he ever died, and wanting to live is hard as it is.
What can i expect to find in Paradise….
i will be bored with such a contended life….
I will happily embrace Hell,
As it will still have a purpose, a hope.
I will wake-up ever day for a new punishment
With the hope that may be this is the day
When God will forgive me and this punishment will be over
And i know, i will never be forgiven;
And i know, i will never lose this hope
But….It seems like i am already in hell; No?
And i have a hope that one day
i will wake up from this nightmare and
this punishment of life will be over….