When the narcotics… The pills. .. Anything mind altering is gone..is when I feel everything the most.. I’m 20.. I’m a addict…I had previous problems before mentally all that I already posted on it….
I’ve noticed… I still feel like dieing when I’m high and I still attempt. But I find my self sober being maybe more successful in the near future… Drugs make me feel numb.. I no that. Mind altering and blah blah. I just want to stay high all the time. To like literally keep shit off my mind. But its getting more and more intence… I can feel it coming soon. I donot want to live the life of an addict. I am a pill addict. I was a meth addict. I detoxed myself basically with pillspills that’s were I fucked up and got bad in the last eitgh months… I’ve really dug my self one hell of a hole… And it’s something I may never get out of of.
Of there’s any hope… I don’t see it.. No light at the end of the tunnel.. No faith…
3 comments
My bother was a meth addict for a while, as well as my dad. Although I don’t talk to my dad, when I did he told me he quit because he realized how shitty he was to his family. Although he disowned me, I can somewhat understand his choice. Anywho, my brother quit because he has a daughter that he wanted to give everything to. So he quit. Now the pills, I use to be really hooked up on pills when I was 14 til recently. I’m 16 almost 17, now I stopped because I found alternatives to keep myself from going back to it, because it’s caused my mental stuff to get a lot worse. Now i smoke a lot of weed and that helps.
Im 20. I can’t rememeber a time were I didn’t use pills. I’ve always used pills. Sence I was 12-13 . I do have liver damage and I still cannot kick this. Ive done many ..many other drugs. Unknowingly herion once and if I would’ve known I wouldn’t have my heart stopped for two minutes and I was so mad when I came back it was like I new I had died and when I awake with my friends around me I was historical to no I was back.
I smoke weed. And pills is it. I honestly just keep using pills because the withdrawal is so much more excruciating in every way. I want away from the pills as my wife wants me to be to. Due to the health issue anyways.
It doesn’t help the mental state I fall into often. By no means does it help. But if I’m high. I’m okay? If not.. I’m just not I’m weak I’m in pain. It really take its toll and addiction is more serious than I thought before. I’ve been to rehabs.. NA meetings drug court. All of this. And still. Here I am. With this problem. I want to detox. And not a medical deteox BC of the subitex suboxene and methadone Detox’s is what is offered in my area and I already know those are the worst and I am sure the fuck not going to pay for that addiction.
I plan to detox myself. In my home . fasting as I do this . it how I detoxed in jail and I came or fine just went back to it.
When I do my detox. I’m not going to do this shit over again.
I believe I can get past it.
Just seems almost impossible.
To keep yourself off of drugs consider doing something as a hobby that keeps your mind busy.
I never had something to do with drugs, so maybe I am completly wrong here.
I am software engeneer, or easier said, I am programmer. I just can’t imagine you can be efficient when you’re on drugs. You get alot of sense of achievements as programmer and you have something to show off if you want to look for a job. Also you can get alot of money as webprogrammer without having a job. Alot of people do this alongside their school.