Might have OD

I’m terrible with writing so please excuse how shitty this might come out. My name is Dorothy I am 18 years old and I have been depressed since about 9th grade. I grew up happy-mostly anyways. I had some issues with my mom but i was fine without her i don’t think that is the reason for my depression. I have not been diagnosed and not many people know about it. As in even my best friend doesn’t know. I have cut before but no one has noticed. My friends did in the first few years of high school but they have long forgotten now. I still have scabs from the last time i cut myself but I don’t plan on doing it again. I honestly think cutting is the STUPIDEST thing you could do, yet; I understand the point of desparity where you are so upset you almost feel you have too. I felt that today. Me and my boyfriend argue a lot. And I mean a lot. Its mostly my fault I am willing to take the blame. He is the one person who knows how deep my depression goes but he doesn’t care. He is both the biggest asshole and the sweetest guy i ever met. Anyways he left me here at home crying my eyes out so he could go hangout with his friends. This is normal for him but he took the weed too. The weed i was going to smoke so I wouldn’t spend the whole time he was gone crying. Ill admit to how petty I was being by blowing up his phone over and over call after call rejection after rejection. I kept calling anyways. All together i called 48 times. He answered about 5 of those and just hung up on me within a few seconds. With his bottle of prescription pills in my hand i decided i had had enough. It wasn’t him that made me decide to do it. I find suicide is very weak and I want to be a strong person but I have come to terms with the fact that I am not strong I am one of the weakest. Anyways I swallowed the pills all at once. I realized how stupid and pathetic I was being and threw them up… I think. I don’t know I feel kind of numb now. I’m not sure if its from the pills or the tears. But i’m tired. I might take a nap. If i wake up which i probably will, I will post again. Its about an hour later. I havent gotten to take my nap yet, my boyfriend showed up. Could be nice if you know he didn’t wait until he was finished smoking my weed with his dumb ass friends. I honestly don’t want him here. Best part is he has no idea that i took all his pills! lol I know nothing about where his medicine went.