So, it feels like I have nobody, but I know I have family and everything that care a lot about me, but I so badly want a different life, I’m tired of the same faces, same places…I want to live in a new town, actually a new state, new friends, new family, new name, new personality, new qualities…pretty much I want to be someone completely different from who I actually am and I want it so bad…I used to get urges to kill myself just for stupid random things because i was tired of them and annoyed, but I’ve never tried or self-harmed….I’d also want to kill myself because I hate myself, but it’s probably from all the rumors about me that others put into my mind that are not true…but honestly, I hate myself, and I feel that if I could just start a new life, everyone would forget the me they thought I was based on rumors and learn the real me….
Also, is it bad that I wish for bad things to happen, like to me or my family? I don’t actually want anyone in my family to get hurt, but you know that feeling you get when you’re sitting in class and the phone rings and the teacher sounds nervous? Well every time that happens, I always wish it to be about me or my family, but that’s bad so I feel bad about feeling that way…I guess it’s just that I like feeling excitement, but shouldn’t u seek it in other ways then wanted to get in a car crash or get stuck in a burning building?
But back on my other topic again, I really just want to start completely over
1 comment
I think it’s a pretty common desire people have, to just redo anything and everything. I know what you’re going through is hard, but stay strong. Someday, you may meet someone going through what you are now that needs help, and your experiences now could make all the difference. It may not lessen the pain you feel right now, but I’ve always drawn strength in my goal of putting more good into the world than the amount of evil it’s dumped on me. I’m sorry, that probably sounded cheesier than any pickup line I’ve ever used.
And I can’t really comment on how you feel with your family, since I have no real relationship with any of my family members. What I can say is that you are more than what you feel. You sound intelligent and kind, just one of those is rare nowadays, maybe your hopes and emotions can act weird here and there, but if you aren’t hurting anyone else, there is nothing for you to be ashamed of.
If you do start over somehow, let us know, just so we know if you’re doing okay.