Hi you could say Im new but not to depression, psychosis and anxiety and loneliness. Ive had it all my life dont know where it comes from, my mum and dad are normal, my bro has a bit of psychosis/anxiety but i think mines worse. I have paranoid thoughts (delusions) like im the only real person and im being watched/judged even for example scared of expressing myself like answering simple questions like what kinda music do you like, i say i dunno. Or ordering something at a restaurant or food place i feel judged for what i order or even say like they know what i was going to order and laugh at me. I know ots fcked but i cant stop these thoughts. Also i hate paying for things, i get so nervous in line. The liquor stores the worst. I love to drink, even by myself before an anxiety provoking event i chuck some liquor to get a buzz and calm down. I feel im the only one that does this.
Clonazepam doesnt seem to do shit woth my anxiety, my heartbeats always over 100bmp. I cant enjoy life like this. I dont like people they make me uncomfortable i feel like i have to act like them, and I HATE talking. I think i had selective mutism throughout my years, school was hell i didnt talk much on class, only quietly to close friends and they would be the one startong the convos and talking more. I have one friend who barely contacts me anymore i think ots cuz of my drinking…alcohols the only thing that calms me down. I wish i was special. Oh i am im different im a creep. I dont belong here…i guess.
4 comments
I use I be like this, not as sever but similar but then it more so turned towards being rejected. I can’t Handel being rejected by anything or anyone. So I don’t even try , it’s really sad cause I know I’m missing out on a lot. I just need to grow a pair of balls and go get it.
I thought diazapam or Valium would of worked better for anxiety rather than clonazapam.
Hmm ill ask about those meds
Maybe you need a friend that can just sit in silence with ya