I just realized that the only thing that took my sadness away are drugs or alkohol. I guess now for almost 3 years there was barely a day I was completely sober. Now that I am I don’t feel any difference to when I wasn’t taking anything. Well maybe I realized it earlier. I did try to do breaks to not be “high” every day but I couldn’t take it somehow. I guess I’m an addict… And this really shocks me I never expected to get addicted to anything. May sound stupid but that’s how you get addicted you close your eyes and just go for it no matter what. Maybe I’ll try doing a rehab although I already tryed one. Or I’ll just give up. But for now I’ll resist as long as possible.