The warm spring air calms my mind as my feet hit the sparkling cement of the now wet main street bridge. The hood of my black jacket hides my face as I make my way to the top. Its 2a.m. and the city is dead silent. My phone buzzes continuously in my back pocket, but I ignore it. My mind wonders as I stare down at the black waters beneath me. Who will miss me when I’m gone? Who will think of me? I check my phone to see a familiar name glowing on the screen. Devin… I can’t help but shed a tear as I think of him. My best friend. We’ve had a lot of major problems lately, but he has been there for me through so much…
I slip my phone back into my pocket and swing my legs over the guard rail holding on tight and letting myself lean forward inch by inch.
Close my eyes.
Inhale.
Let go.
1…
2…
Thr….
The world is lost to the darkness that is the bottom of the river bed. I hear the water rush around me as I start to sink.
Fuck..
Fear takes over. I can’t do it. I kick and claw at the water until I finally reach the surface. I’m pathetic. I’m a failure. I need comfort… Why am I so stupid?
I show up at his door. He takes me in. He’s all I’ve got left. He’s like a brother to me. I adore him. My anchor.. The one thing that makes me want to live..
14 comments
I’m glad you’ve got something/someone to live for sammi. This is beautifully written and I love the pic.
Thank you. I’m glad you like it.
Hi Sams. That’s such a moving story. It’s profoundly sad (I’ve always felt there’s something particularly tragic about an attempt that nobody notices), and you told it with such vivid words I can picture it all. But the ending is so inspiring. I think all of us have an anchor, even if we haven’t found it yet. Congratulations on keeping yourself alive 🙂
Ps I think the dream is telling you you’re not nearly finished yet!
Thanks, salt. I couldn’t possibly go out without hearing another song or 2 from you anyways. 🙂
Oh hahaha. I’m gonna hold you to that! So remember next time you feel like offin yourself, that would be breach of contract and you would forfeit your fangirl membership card and decoder ring :p
Haha wouldn’t want to do that. I’d never obtain the oh so coveted groupie status from a hole in the ground.
Hey! I’m an honorary member of the fangirl club! Where is my decoder ring!?!? I even ran out and checked the mail just now!
Damn it came back undeliverable… I probably shouldn’t have addressed it with invisible ink. Screw this secret agent bs!
It felt about void here without seeing anything from you for a few days… As usual your posts never disappoint. I lack the words to describe the picture. A mixture of jealousy and appreciation. The trees are barren, the lense flares pierecing. The ripples act as if the there is a second sun in the water. And none of that really speaks to it.
s/about/abit/ 🙁
I really appreciate your comments, ceph. I’m glad you’ve taken some sort of interest in my posts. Always nice to hear from you.
As for the image, it’s just a shot that I was lucky enough to get from the front yard of the house that I grew up in. If that place could speak, itd give you nightmares.
Thanks for sharing this. I don’t know if it’s a life irony or what, but the two most beautiful pics of nature that i can remember seeing in the last 5+ years have been from sp (this is one of them). Maybe i just need to go out more, lol. Anyways, i guess it’s proof that you can still find beauty amongst pain.
That’s a recurring theme I’ve seen in Sammi’s art and exactly why it’s so compelling: the contrast/irony of beauty & pain. I once heard a lecture where the speaker said that tragedy can’t exist without beauty. It’s not a tragedy if you live in slime and die in slime. But if you see beyond the slime to something beautiful, and then lose it, there’s your tragedy. Keep it coming Sams, as always what an amazing expression 🙂