My Andyrew

I’m sorry, my baby…. I’m sorry that I feel this way. That I feel like you don’t love me anymore. I’m sorry that I still want to kill myself because I feel so inadequate. I’m sorry, my love. I’m sorry that I was never good enough for you. I’m sorry that I haven’t made as big of an impact on your life as you try to tell me I have. I’m sorry I’m so fucked up. I’m sorry that I’m not good for you. I’m sorry you still can’t see that. I’m sorry that I’m clingy, that I’m possessive. I’m sorry that I can’t wait for you when we’re at college. I’m sorry, my love. It’s not you that I don’t trust; it’s that you’re too damn desirable for your own good. it’s other girls I don’t trust. I just don’t want to get hurt. I’m so tired of hurting and being hurt. I love you, and I’m sorry. I cry all the time, thinking about how much you mean to me and how I don’t want to let you go… But I need to protect myself, first and foremost. If we were closer in distance, things might be different… But we’re 1,296 miles away from each other, and I don’t feel comfortable with that. I loved it that you could come see me for my prom, but baby… I’m so scared to go to college. I don’t want to lose you. I already hate that guys keep giving me attention; it feels like somehow, in a twisted way, I’m cheating on you, even though I don’t pay the others an ounce of attention; but love, I’m just too afraid of losing you. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved in my life!!!! I want to keep you forever and ever, but I’m so afraid of letting you closer and then having you realize you clearly have better options. I hate the thought of that. It kills me. But I can’t bear the distance. I can’t help but feel as if I don’t mean as much to you as you do to me, and that kills me. I know, it’s a feeling.. But darling… I can’t help it. We’re close, but I feel like I know less and less about you each day. It’s a dull ache that is steadily growing more and more painful as the hours drag by, and if you asked me right this moment if I was okay, that would be the first type of things that would come out of my mouth. I love you, but I’m so afraid of being hurt… I love you always. Don’t ever second guess yourself when you say your Chybear loves you. I always will. But you simply don’t get that you are the only thing that could kill my heart this way. You aren’t yet, but then… You aren’t YET. If you ever leave me, I will NEVER pick back up. It would be over. That’s no exaggeration. I’ve never loved someone like you before, and I never will again after you. Please… Please… Never doubt my love for you. </3