I want to kill myself. I think that if I was skinnier I wouldn’t wanna die anymore. I have always had the goal to make it to the size 0 jeans. I don’t see it ever happening. I am too fat. I don’t have enough willpower. I wish things were easier for me and I could just drop 2 sizes. I wanna be skinny. I wanna be Skinner more then I want anything in the world. I am not okay. I’m also not thin enough to have an eating disorder so I don’t know what I am doing. I have been like this since I was 7. I have always wanted to feel thin. I would puke in bathrooms in second grade. I would skip lunches in seventh grade. I nonstop work out now in ninth. I am a mess. A mess that deserves to die.