https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbgdCzGfFt4
today we finished bringing all of my stuff back to my old room where i grew up, in my parents’ house. for two years i tried escaping this place, and six months ago i succeeded. then depression took hold of me once again, and now i’m back here. crushed between these four walls i’m hurt. i can’t handle the bureaucracy ending the contract of my old place. i am tired. i am broken. it feels like the world is slipping through my fingers. i need a quiet place to put my head for a while and forget about everything, and the old house isn’t it. i was running then and i am running now from whatever it is chasing me. i can’t catch my breath for a sec. as for help, the psychiatrist can only see me three weeks from now. i don’t know how i’ll manage, but i know i will manage, and that frustrates me. i wish i couldn’t manage. i wish i could let go and die.
2 comments
Maybe you could attempt to depersonalize yourself from whatever negative experiences you were experiencing in your old house. It may not seem like the best idea, but sometimes to get to an entirely different space people may need to detach themselves in such a way. Just be careful as depersonalization really isn’t something to mess with. Just a thought, I suppose.
And as for your psychiatrist, you will make it. I suppose you could just keep yourself busy until then and take it one day at a time.
i’ve had my share of detachmeant for over a year, and no, it really isn’t something to mess with. not only is it dangerous, it is also unhealthy. i was keeping all kinds of negative feelings inside, and not long ago i was trying along with my psychologist to let those feelings out. i regret that. i feel like a mad dog unleashed. anything anyone says to me affects me to a point it’s unbearable and i feel exhausted.