I find myself not being able to catch my breath. Like a stranger just comes out with a punch to the gut. I am just moving along in this life trying to cope and maybe fool myself into thinking that I am putting one over on the rest of them. The them that seem to have it all together. The them that are capable of connection.
Then there is something, maybe something I see, I smell, I read, I dream or watch in a movie that just knocks the wind out of me. Maybe these little events show me a glimse of what could be if I wasn’t actually well, Me.
They are the ones more lonely and painful than any extended period of time alone. These little gut punches that are so paralyzing that getting out of bed is the last thing that I can do or even want to do.
These little things are just enough to make it hard to breathe but not enough to stop me from breathing altogether which is all I want now. It is so painful to go through life with half a breath. It is exausting and just want it to end.