My mother tells me I’m selfish but she doesn’t know that I didn’t kill myself yet just because I didn’t want to hurt her.
I really need a therapist, I’m constantly telling my parents I need a therapist, but they keep telling me to tell them my problems and the don’t fucken understand. Like they can’t take a hint. They don’t want to get me a therapist because they don’t want to pay the money.
If only they knew I was suicidal.
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My mother was similar, except I told her that I wanted to die. She said “No, you don’t.” When I did try and ended up in a psyche ward, she told my therapist “She’s always been dramatic.” My therapist replied “Your daughter’s ‘drama,’ as you call it, almost killed her. Don’t you think we should do something about that?” Still, she wanted to take me home. I refused and stayed in the hospital. Best thing I ever did.
There are free clinics out there. Perhaps a school counselor can find one for you. People who haven’t been through what you’re enduring do not understand. I do. Please try to find some free help. Friends and family don’t cure cancer and they can’t cure suicidal depression either.
My heart is with you.
Vedura
My mom knows that I’m going to talk about my past (e.g getting raped and bullied)
I guess shes in denial. She doesn’t want to believe that I am thinking like that. It’s not the kind of life she’d want for me now. But I do think about killing myself every single day. And she doesn’t want to accept it
It’s not your mother’s decision to make. It’s your life and your decision. Please see a therapist. Besides, what you say in therapy is confidential, even from her.
My parents weren’t as obstructive but, to this day, they refuse to believe that my problems could possibly be that serious.
The joke’s on them.
It’s no joke, because the pain is in you, and that pain is dispair.
If you look hard enough you might find some place with free help. Take a look at ads, your school/college, etc. You might do it in a way that your parents don’t even know about it. The soonest the better, repressing stuff just makes it worse on the long run. Good luck.