This morning

I get it. I do this sometimes with hitting my head.. today I was pulling out hairs from my chest.. after a while I just felt a bald spot and then the thought came as to if I had no chest hair that maybe my ex would not had cheated on me .. the only person who I ever felt connected with.. even today. All my relationship did was to make me accept that I hate humanity… A few months ago I saw a documentary about a serial killer called the virgin killer and mentioned that there are a lot of similarities in my childhidd and his.. also certain thoughts… But she still went further in cheating.. all the while I was smoking enough weed to put snoop dogg to shame. I tried killing myself planned to book a hotel and jump from the top floor. Often when a bus drives quick thinking of taking a step foward.. and when it passes regret that I not stepped. As then it would stop.. the thoughts would finally end.. about each person she cheated me on…

Sometimes it is just good to hurt yourself… I hit my head on the front gate of my flat building when opening it… And thinking that funny.. a year ago I spoke with that creep.. who hits the wall for fun.. and had sex with her… And that she the one I loved most has turned me into this person who is on the edge of falling apart.

I wonder how my life will end…