This is my first post on any suicide blog. I’ve tried to talk to people before but they don’t seem to understand and I’m looking for someone who does. I’m a 12 year old girl. My age is another reason why people don’t listen they think I’m to little to be going through this kind of stuff but it can happen at any age. I wanted to share my story to people who might actually listen. It all started when my mom told me about my friend who cutted I didn’t know what cutting really was but I found out. My first cut was small. It was with a price of glass and from then on I just started cutting. I started getting depressed really bad because a lot of things were going on in my life. I used to do this thing where I would sit down with a razor I would get from pencil sharpeners and count act like I was counting. I counted to 100 each time. I didn’t even feel the cuts I just felt numb. I then spent about a year in my room looking at anything revolving around self harm and then I started being anorexic and stopped eating I eat around once a day or so times not at all. I then created a Instagram page which my parents then found and didn’t actually realize I was cutting. So I continued but was a lot more careful. I started cutting so deep I remember chunks of things started coming up and I then just was so deep I didn’t know how to get out. But then I started wanting to help myself and started taking it little by little. One day or two days without cutting then turned into five or six days without cutting then I gradually stopped but then my anorexcia got worse for a bout 3 weeks. So then I finnaly brought myself out of everything and started returning to normal of course I wasn’t okay and still am not. Which is probably why I’m here on this website around 5 months after I stopped. But now I’m afraid I’m relapsing. I gave myself a few cuts for the first time yesterday and now I’m scared of what I might do to myself. And now that I’m at q new school it makes everything worse because a lot of the girls call me a slut just because a lot of the boys like me but I can’t control how other people feel about me yet I still get called the slut. I’ve been trying my hardest to stay strong but it’s getting bad again. I want to cut so badly but even when I try I can’t even cut that deep any more it’s so different from before. I want to forget about it all but at the same time I want it all back and I just don’t know what to do anymore. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this I love all of you and just try your best. You all are amazing ? of course I don’t want to be here just to talk about my problems if anyone needs to talk to me they can I’m here for everyone. If you need to talk privetly you can email me at inhale.sparkles@gmail.com (sorry it’s a reallllyyyy stupid email) sorry if there are any errors I didn’t not revise this
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9 comments
Babygirl, you deserve better. You deserve to be happy. Take it from someone who has been there. I’m a 16 year old female, who started cutting at 11. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety at 12, and I still attend therapy. For the past couple weeks, my depression has been crazy bad and I even attempted to kill myself, again. And there may or may not be hope for me. But there is hope for you. You want the pain to go away but at the same time, you want everything bad to go away. This is good, this means you get to decide how you want your life to turn out. You can either keep cutting and turn out like me where I attempt and fail at my suicide once to twice a week OR you can talk to someone, post constantly on here, talk to me, just find an outlet and stop yourself from going down a long and dark road. You’re young, but this is something so big. You have to think carefully. I’m here babygirl. Always and Forever xx
Thank you so much. I appreciate what you have done taking your time to read this and talk to me gives me hope. I can’t stop thinking about just starting all over I again I too tried suicide and was planning to start cutting all over again once October came and the cold weather, but hopefully talking to people like you I can try to stop. I know it’s kind of weird that I say I want to stop but at the same time I’m planning to do these things. My mind is a mess and so is my life. but I can always try. your an amazing person thanks for being there for me ??
It’s weird for normal people. But normal for people like me. It’s like when I say I want to live a long happy life, but hope I die soon. I’m with you on my mind and life being a mess, but we gotta stick together. if there’s any hope that we’ll make it out alive, it’s by finding comfort and strength in everyone we surround ourselves with. Keep your head up princess. Yours, Always and Forever xx
That is true most of us have a different perspective on “normal” I completely agree with you on that now that I have thought about it. I also think we are less judgement all because most of us have been judged for so long. This has changed all of our lives and how we look at things. Thank you for your support it means so much ?
Sorry for the question marks I put emojis but didn’t realize that they showed up as question marks
You should tell someone you trust about what is happening to you-you need to get professional help so you can cope with your problems.
Girls call you a ‘slut’ because they’re envious of the attention you’re getting from the guys. Plus it’s easier to pick on someone weaker and not be singled out themselves. If there’s some boys you trust perhaps you can be friends with them and they’ll look out for you.
Though at your age, kids can be very selfish and use others for their own benefit. I wish the world was a kinder place but unfortunately it’s the opposite. However there are some nice individuals mixed in with the bad ones. Find the good people and they’ll help you out in life.
I’m 12 also. I know how you feel, nobody understands.
There is luckily one person I can trust but I moved away from him I still keep in touch and can tell him anything. I can always vent to him about things it’s just sometimes he doesn’t know exactly how to respond. Which is why I started doing this blog so that people that understand can talk to me. I don’t really like putting my problems on people I know. But thank you so much for your support everyone that has commented are amazing and all deserve better <3
I wish I could make it all better for you. At age 12 I had a rough time but for different reasons. I’ve never personally cut but I have self-injured… it is only understood by those who do it. You mentioned that people don’t believe you… it can be either that they (as you mentioned) don’t believe you… it could also be that they don’t know how to help too.
Things can truly get better for you. I like how you’re trying…. it says a lot about you. You do need someone there for you and to talk with you. Perhaps a guidance counselor? I’m grasping at ideas but you need someone who believes you regardless of age. You shouldn’t be alone and I’m glad at the very least you’ve reached out to the people on SP….. it’s a start!
I want nothing but the best for you. You have lots of potential… you’ll make it. Remember that. Please though, reach out to someone who can help you in person….
I wish you peace.