With Cold nights come the honest thoughts

*ring ring* The phone rings as I’m across the room, unmotivated to go and glance to see who it is, but I know who it is, it was someone I haven’t seen or spoken to in a long while…….joy.
Me and her were long distant friends and we seem do have become even more distant lately.
Me and her are as far away as the earth to the end of the Galaxy.
I don’t mind anymore, I like being lonely, but I hate the 4 am starring at the wall, the lump in my througt I get everyday, it hurts to swallow, it hurts to hide but I’d rather face that pain than the sharp knives of a million questions stabbing me with all the curiosities and all the helpful souls.
If only they knew how much it hurts not to tell them if only they knew how badly I want to tell them if only they found out about what I’m going through, maybe just maybe my life would be easier.
Darkness has been becoming more of my friend, he’s been telling me to cry, he’s been telling me to hide, he’s been telling me people suck and I shouldn’t bother speak, he’s been screaming at me to cut the very flesh I have to live with, and stare at those fresh wounds that will haunt me, he’s been telling me “go on the blades already there; you need to go down the river not across the street” he’s been beaming me with the same question every morning!!!!! Will today be the day you meet face to face with peace, and serenity…………I hope everyday that it is but then joy comes back and says will tommorow be better? So I stick around for another day, and each day I get disappointed, I’m getting real tired of people saying “things get better” they don’t for everyone…… just like everything is never 100%.