Life is so Unfair

If theirs one thing I’ve learned in my life so far, its that life is so damn unfair. You could be the greatest human being in the world but if you were born under really shitty circumstances, none of that really matters. Because you cant accomplish anything if you have nothing, or not enough, to start with. All I ever wanted is a normal life. Just a stable family. A stable mom, a stable dad, living under stable circumstances. But no, I’ve got none of that. The truth is I shoudnt have been born.

So where do I start? I’ll start with my dad. He came out of my life when I was 5, and I never saw him again. Why, you might ask? Because he was a fucking pedophile. Yep. He was on the internet trading cp with other pedos and eventually he got caught. That alone makes me not wanna live anymore. From what I heard he had a horrible childhood. He was put into the foster care system at a really early age and was abused. He had a history of mental illness, and my question is, why the fuck woulds you have kids knowing you’re mentally ill? Another fucked up thing, my mom met my dad when she was 16 and he was 24. Yep. Thats illegal where im at. So now you’re probably starting to get why I said I shouldnt have been born. But thats not the end of it. My mom is insane too. Shes a drug addict who takes usuallly atleast 10 pills a day. Always getting angry for the smallest things. About a day ago she was using facebook on my laptop and she left her facebook open. And I saw a message she sent to my grandma saying “I just want to die”.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 I dont even have much of whats needed to survive. Food. Sometimes I eat so little.Theirs barely any food here, and when their is, its food with a shit ton of carbs, which causes me to break out. I have a shit ton of acne, and almost everyday I have to eat either pizza or ham and cheese  because thats all my broke family can afford/wants to buy. They dont understand the importance of eating healthy and because of that my heath has had to suffer. I used to be a pretty goodlooking kid, but now I have a shit ton of acne and also a missing tooth. I had to get one pulled out because back then when I drank soda most of the time, there was nobody to tell me soda is really unhealthy and bad for your teeth. It really bothers me every day, especially since im a teen. I dont even smile with my teeth showing anymore.                                                                                                                                                                                                               Schools coming up in a few days and I absoloutely hate it. Why cant they lets you learn whats you wanna learn, instead of being forced to memorize useless knowledge? It feels like a waste of time more than anything to me. Life is short. Why spend most of your childhood doing things thats you hate? Im extremely lonely. Over this entire summer I did nothing but go to a very polluted beach just twice. I dont have much friends because I have social anxiety problems. I only have 1 close friend and thats about it. And not only that, but 95% of my family is in other states. So I cant hang out much with family either.

I don’t feel at all like a kid my age should be feeling. I feel desensitized from the real world since most of my childhood was spent behind a screen.  I’ve been so depressed these past few months. Everything in my life is a dead end.Their is no way out, and that is one of the worst feelings.  Im not a bad person. My intention is to never hurt anybody innocent. Im tired of this “lifestyle” where I just sit in front of a screen all day.I dont wanna live like that. if you wake up everyday, doing the same exact things you did the day before, either ONLY because you “have to” or to “pass the time”. Your not living your life. Your living a lie. Thats the way I see it. All of this and more is making me want to commit computer crimes. And not the bad kind, the good kind that exposes the corrupt pieces of shit that profit off the suffering of others. If thats what I need to do to feel a sense of purpose, then so be it. Im sorry if I came off as an asshole here. I was just in a bad mood when typing it. Anyways, I hope you have a great day.