I’ve thinking about this lately. I do it because the physical pain destructs me from everything else, but this girl I was talking to the other day said she used it as an outlet for her anger. Just curios to know what other people’s motives were.
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When I did it I think it was mostly for the chemical rush – a momentary distraction from depression. Sometimes I did it when I was stressed and panicky. I sort of liked watching the effect of it too. I found it eerily calming, although on another level it made me quite nauseous. Sometimes I liked being able to ‘see’ some of the pain, although I hated other people seeing it and I did it in stupidly noticeable places, so they often did.
Someone told me exercise gives you a similar feeling, and whenever they felt like hurting themselves they’d exercise instead. It took me a long time to get into and it isn’t exactly the same, but it worked as a sort of ‘patch’ while I was trying to give up cutting. In the end it only made me more stressed because I’d feel an immediate need to cut whenever I grew stressed or anxious or angry.
I was in a masturbation chat room and I had about 20 women watching me on cam and all laughing at my micro penis and telling me how pathetic I was and urging me to get a razor and cut myself so they could have a good laugh. so I did it, I cut my forearm 6 times on cam for them.
They all cheered and urged me to cut my penis off and to cut my throat on cam but I got such an incredible feeling from cutting and all my anger and depression seemed to vanish. Likely just the serotonin released by my body to deal with the pain. So I continue to use cutting to deal with my depression and anger but it also makes me feel good to punish this disgusting body that has failed me.
That’s fucking disgusting!!! horrible society!!!!!! I am so sorry you don’t deserve such treatment.
Most of the time I cut, because I feel like I deserve to be punished. Or I will just feel the urge to cut like you sometimes really want to hit someone or something, it’s just frustration I guess and I tought myself to take it out on myself :/
I use it as punishment also, I often do it on my arm to that people will know I punished myself so they don’t have to do. (of course that’s not what people think when they see it) I do it so others know that I know how stupid I am and what a failure I am. I like to see a “battle scar” of sorts. To see that I am taking a stand against myself.
I can relate to your post because I feel like society expects me to self-harm or attempt suicide and I have failed to meet society’s expectations in every other aspect of my life, so this is one thing I can do right.
I am fat and ugly with a tiny penis and I’ve never had a relationship, been kissed or dated, so I fail to meet so many of society’s expectations of me. I have had so many women tell me that I should kill myself because I will never find any woman willing to ever touch me because I am so repulsive. So this is one area where I can meet society’s expectations of me and I want to fit in to society in some way so I feel better when I have met these expectations.
It’s like , if people see all my scars and know I self-harm or have attempted to kill myself, then they will have no need to tell me I am worthless and should go kill myself because they can see that I already know these things.
Those bitches who cheered you on need their clits chopped off. Same with who ever said you should kill yourself. People are cruel idiots. Im fat and ugly my penis is extremely average sized lol im black and part irish(and other shit) so it picked a middle ground. In any event i understand how you feel. The fact that i will never be loved or sexually meaningful is one of the main reasons i want to die. I cut when i cant cope. I hadn’t for nearly a decade. I started back when i couldnt handle my job and i felt the person i love but was broken up with had started seeing other people. Still dont know if she was or not (she denied it and since that time we stopped talking and we havent talked in months). I guess it just is a quiet way of expressing myself. Expressing how helpless i am. I wanted to cut my dick off at one point because it felt like i could feel her being fucked and i felt so inconsequential. I settled for slicing my thighs.
I have accepted that I’ll be alone my entire life and I’m OK with that. I think if I was able to find a woman who could tolerate me that I’d just feel worse knowing that she was simply tolerating me and she was all the time wishing I was handsome, hung and had a six pack. I’d be constantly reminded that I can never give any woman what their previous partners were able to give them, so it’s best for all women and best for me, that I just avoid people in general.
I have no bad feelings towards any of these women who humiliated me or told me to kill myself because it is just human nature. Thousands of women, including Doctors and nurses have seen me naked and I have always got a negative reaction.
I’ve had the entire staff in the operating theater laughing at me and humiliating me when I was anesthetized having a cystoscopy. I was warned by the anesthetist before my second procedure about what had happened and I was told to wear earphones for my second procedure so I wouldn’t hear all the nurses and other staff humiliating me and laughing at me because I would be having a spinal block and would have to be conscious. I was told that there was an extreme risk of death if I had a general anesthetic and I had to remain awake but I had to promise to wear earphones with music playing so I could not hear what was being said.
I refused to wear them, so they gave me a general anesthetic so I wouldn’t hear everyone commenting and laughing about my micro penis. So to protect all the staff who obviously could not control their laughter and comments about me they put me at risk of death by giving me a general anesthetic.
After years of being humiliated by prostitutes I am now sexually aroused by humiliation but afterwards, I just want to cut. I think it is just how we have evolved. In the past, if you were seen as different or inferior then you became a liability to your society, a possible weakness, so you would be rejected from the society or killed off in the same way animals do to the weak or injured.
If you have had a relationship in the past, surely you must have some hope of having another in the future. Many relationships go bad and end but that does not mean you will never have another relationship. If you did it once, you can do it again. You have proven that you are lovable, you had a girlfriend and you should never think that you cannot do it again. I don’t know what other reason you have for wanting to end your life but you really need to take that one reason out of the equation. You can be sexually meaningful to a woman and you can be loved.
I have accepted that I’ll be alone my entire life and I’m OK with that. I think if I was able to find a woman who could tolerate me that I’d just feel worse knowing that she was simply tolerating me and she was all the time wishing I was handsome, hung and had a six pack. I’d be constantly reminded that I can never give any woman what their previous p@rtners were able to give them, so it’s best for all women and best for me, that I just avoid people in general.
I have no bad feelings towards any of these women who humiliated me or told me to kill myself because it is just human nature. Thousands of women, including Doctors and nurses have seen me naked and I have always got a negative reaction.
I’ve had the entire staff in the operating theater laughing at me and humiliating me when I was anesthetized having a cystoscopy. I was warned by the anesthetist before my second procedure about what had happened and I was told to wear earphones for my second procedure so I wouldn’t hear all the nurses and other staff humiliating me and laughing at me because I would be having a spinal block and would have to be conscious. I was told that there was an extreme risk of death if I had a general anesthetic and I had to remain awake but I had to promise to wear earphones with music playing so I could not hear what was being said.
I refused to wear them, so they gave me a general anesthetic so I wouldn’t hear everyone commenting and laughing about my micro penis. So to protect all the staff who obviously could not control their laughter and comments about me they put me at risk of death by giving me a general anesthetic.
After years of being humiliated by prostitutes I am now sexually aroused by humiliation but afterwards, I just want to cut. I think it is just how we have evolved. In the past, if you were seen as different or inferior then you became a liability to your society, a possible weakness, so you would be rejected from the society or killed off in the same way animals do to the weak or injured.
If you have had a relationship in the past, surely you must have some hope of having another in the future. Many relationships go bad and end but that does not mean you will never have another relationship. If you did it once, you can do it again. You have proven that you are lovable, you had a girlfriend and you should never think that you cannot do it again. I don’t know what other reason you have for wanting to end your life but you really need to take that one reason out of the equation. You can be sexually meaningful to a woman and you can be loved.
The past relationship i had was a ldr. I got lucky she didn’t have to see me i only met her once. I have been perpetually celibate my whole life. The ugliness and anxiety will prevent me from finding anyone. I think you will be able to find someone. I hope you are you deserve someone. That doctor is a major **** for nearly killing you by laughing at it. You don’t deserve to be shamed for a birth defect.
I have no interest in a relationship any longer. I am 49 y/o and I have been humiliated and degraded by every woman who has seen me naked, so I could never be with any woman. Even if she had fallen in love with me and accepted my deformity. I’d still know that if she had no feelings for me, then she would be humiliating me and degrading me just like the thousands of women previously. I have never had a single positive reaction except from gay men but I am not gay.
Society is shit. But you know that yourself…
Penis size shouldn’t matter in a civilized society… Oh wait society isn’t really civilized ‘natural selection’…
You are both worthy of love. I’m female by the way.