I have been struggling with anxiety for around five years now, and I thought I was getting better. And then Thursday rolled around. I took the ACT this weekend, and I was studying for it. It really didn’t seem that bad, until my heart started racing. My head started to hurt, my knees buckled, I started to cry. The normal panic symptoms. The worst part: I was home alone. You think a panic attack is bad. Going through it without anyone there makes you feel so alone and desperate. I hadn’t thought about suicide in two months, and all the sudden, all the thoughts came rushing back. I could’ve just gone and swallowed all of my sisters sleeping pills, or all of my anxiety medication. It took a lot for me to not at least try. But I stayed strong, and I’m still here, and I’m still fighting. I don’t know if that’s a good idea or not. But I am, and I’m not gonna stop until everything in my life seems hopeless. Which is a bold statement, and is much more common than it sounds.
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3 comments
I’m glad that you’ve been doing well for a relatively long time. Like a lot of other roads in life, don’t be surprised if you hit a speed bump along the way. After I had gone over a year without a cigarette, a weak moment found me chain-smoking. I haven’t had a cigarette since. Sometimes the speed bump isn’t as important as what happens after the bump occurs. Don’t lose hope when it happens. Progress isn’t always defined by a straight line forward.
As for the panic attack, that does sound frightening. It’s good that you remained strong. Are there certain symptoms ahead of time that indicate a panic attack might be coming? Have you thought about ways to recognize the symptoms as a sort of intervention? I think it’s a great idea to keep fighting. Don’t give up the fight.
As a side note, I hope you did well on the ACT.
Thank you for spending another night with us. Thank you for sharing your story.
violinplayer22,
I’ve done that! THE WHOLE ENCHILADA! Sweats throwing up, all alone, passing out! ha ha! happens once a year atleast! a letter from the IRS fixed my wagon last time.