Here I am again, back in this place where only sadness lingers .True, there is some good things on this sight. Stories of triumph and happiness, but even the best among them are shadowed by the disorder we suffer from. We have all bled from countless wounds, and left unhealed they would have killed us. Many of us only have minor bandages upon them, nothing to save us from the slow bleed of our will to live leaving us. I know that we can be saved, we could fix everything wrong with us, but something went wrong with us on a fundamental level. I was born with a predisposition towards this, and due to that I’ve been dealing with at least minor depression since I was too young to remember. There are others out there who have inherited this, and we have been damaged from the very beginning, there was no savior for us, only fighting without knowing what were to fight against. The others here though, they have been hurt in ways we cannot imagine. They have gone through terrors and atrocities we would have died from. They are strong, they have encountered bad in their life, but it is almost balanced from the strength gathered from each encounter. Not to say we are any less than them, but unlike them we have earned our strength from years of minor torture, there may be no defining moment in any of our lives to show when this all began, but we have reached the same lows as them from a slow process. This is not something to divide us, but something to understand. Inside each and every one of us there is a beast that wished to devour our souls and our hearts. We cannot allow it to do so. We will fight with every breath left in our lives, for we are strong, we are wise, and we are depressed.
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4 comments
That was a very beautiful, insightful post.
I have the same kind of depression as you. I didn’t realise for years that what I felt as an infant/child was depression, and I know my mother experienced it in the same way. I used to think it meant I had to live a life where it often returned and always lingered. My view of that is changing, although I realise it’s still the reality for a lot of people and it has been for me thus far. I’ve seen some posts here that are so positive – not just with hope, but fulfillment. And others leave without sharing their success story here. Sadness lingers here, but not necessarily in everyone who comes by this way. Of course, people leave for the opposite reason too. I hope there are more than we think who leave the sadness behind and live a life without it haunting them, or at least with a more gentle, less harmful version than most of us here have experienced.
I completely agree. I know people who has much sever problems than mine and I also know people with way less serious. If you are already here, what it means that whatever you are experiencing let it be small or serious, is stressing you so much that you are considering suicide. (Not you in person thelos but in general).
Whatever brought us here is for sure nothing pleasant. Terrible life, mental disease, sudden chaging conditions, whatever… This is a sad part of internet, however, I think it is also one of the best places on the internet. I haven’t seen anywhere else so much understanding of each other, so many good wishes and sincere feelings. A place to go when you cannot deal with it yourself or just want to share.
I hope people solve their problems and say goodbye to SP, I hope people with unbearable suffering find peace. SP is a great place, but I wish you didn’t need it.
Honestly, this is a great post. I read it twice earlier tonight, and just came back to read it again now. Thank you for sharing some of your thoughts, thelost.
+1
‘nough said.
Though I do like dat style of yours.