I’m really scared that I will kill myself. When I’m in those moods I don’t care what happens at that time. I have no one to talk to, so I’m alone. I write on here to let the pain out. It helps a little. The main reason why am so depressed and have anxiety is because I’m fat and I lost all of my best friends. If I limit those two things I would be so happy. Loosing weight will be the hardest thing to do. I have a eating disorder, I guess. I get excited for food my day gets 100% better if we get take out or go out. Lately though I’ve been only eating two things. But it’s all bad for you. Why can’t i do it. I have no motivation at all. Idk why either. My depression and anxiety will always be there because it runs in the family. I want to loose weight because I have all this complication and it’s destroying my life. I’m have really really low self of esteem. I don’t even think that I’m pretty. I looked at all of my old videos and pictures. I was kinda sorta skinny, I want that again. I gained a lot of weight because of my parents divorce when I was 16. My mom told me that I would never have a bf if I was fat.
Plus I lost my best friends we drifted apart. I always thought we would be friends forever..
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
5 comments
Hey! You can do this! Don’t give up just yet, have a great day! (:
Losing wait can be a challenge, but it’s possible to do. starting to cut out the junk food is a good start. Eventually you’ll reach a point where you don’t crave it, once you get used to eating healthier food you’ll not want the junk. The way you eat is important too, take smaller bites, chew it completely… When you take your time you eat less before you get that ‘full’ signal. And there’s exercise of course, which could improve your mood anyway as long as you get into a routine you like… And taking your time to do it, with realistic expectations is the way to go. You can’t expect it to happen over night, you have to set small goals and do one thing at a time, get used to it slowly so it forms a habit.
Being overweight will not prevent you from getting a romantic relationship. Sincerely, I know this to be true. And honestly, if you can detach how you view yourself from your body and connect it to the kind of person you are, you’ll be less miserable..
Friends do drift apart, it happens. But that doesn’t mean you can’t reconnect with them. My best friend and I lost contact for months, then we reconnected and it was like nothing changed.
Your depression and anxiety by no means have to be there forever. There are a lot of treatment options, It takes some experimenting and searching but at least one of them is likely to work for you, or at least make things more manageable.
Those kinds of moods are scary, I get them too…
Freeroma pretty much nailed it.
I wish I could take my own advice, I’d be well-built again. It’s not that I can’t work-out, it is the massive emotional momentum that’s keeping me headed in the same direction everyday, like the Titanic. I’m unhappy because I don’t have the life I want, I can’t be fit. I could get that life if I got fit again and got a better job. But each day I come home tired and get depressed because my life’s in a rut and the vicious cycle continues-which is why nothing changes for me.
If you’re not working and live at home with parents, then honestly you have no excuse, unless you’re trying to find work or are going back to school. If you are working, then I can relate because no matter what anyone says, it really is difficult to make time to get to the gym-but like I said in my case it’s more emotional rather than finding time to go. Dieting is not enough-some people have super-discipline with eating, they can pull it off, but for normal people, we need to exercise also to get fit.
In your situation if you have 2-3 FREE hours in a day-then you have no excuse. Oh and expect to put that much time in if you really want to get fit. My workouts were always about 3 hrs long. I’d do cardio, weights and then play some sport after like squash, on rare occasions I’d go swimming. After 6 months I was in phenomenal shape. I was working out every day except weekends.
I’d vary the intensity, sometimes I’d take it easy, other times I’d go hard. Usually I’d do full body workouts, but sometimes I’d just do parts, like arms/chest one day, legs another. Anyways, whatever works for you-you’ll know. The point is to do something-sitting in your room will never change your life.
No one can make you exercise, you have to do it yourself. Don’t be embarrassed by how you look at the gym-just focus on the end-goal and you will get there. I began bench-pressing around 50 lbs, then over the months I went over 200lbs. Of course as a girl, you don’t need to ‘pump iron’…but weight-training will double your fat-burning. Just do high reps, low weights. Cardio is what you need to get slim.
Sorry that you are feeling so low. It is really good that you realize and admit that you have an eating disorder. I think that your low self esteem is more of a problem that your weight. I follow a lot of body positive blogs on tumblr and there are millions of fat women and girls leading happy and fulfilling lives. I totally recommend getting on tumblr and following those groups. There are also blogs of obese people who sport and do yoga and everything else. Exercise makes most of us feel better and it doesn’t have to be about weight loss. It’s good for anxiety and depression and getting stronger and fitter, regardless of ones weight, always feels good. It probably seems like being skinny would solve all your problems but it doesn’t. You have to eat and nourish your body. By all means exercise and feel better but also spend as much time working on your self esteem and accepting that you are lovable and worthy whatever your jeans size is. If you feel like working out at home I find Leslie Sansone videos pretty good. She has ”real” people in her workout videos, no models but people who are really overweight and sweating like actual, real people. Anyway, I am rambling because I could talk about this subject all day long. I really recommend taking a look at body positive blogs on tumblr. You will find a lot of support there. Everyday I see photos and posts from women and girls who have started to love themselves after years of self-loathing and insecurity. You are worthy, important and lovable.
PS. Weight training is also a great hobby for women. I switched from the Leslie Sansone workouts to doing weights and strength training. If you can afford or have access to some dumbbells then go for it. You won’t start looking manly or getting bigger. You will feel stronger and feeling stronger is awesome in a world that wants to hold us down and make us feel weak, which is exactly what the media and diet industry collude to do. Lift heavy things = feel better.