I’m 44, 3 kids, married twice, traveled, enjoyed and been very fulfilled. Despite being pretty poor I’ve done/had everything I’ve wanted cos I’ve made it happen.
5 years ago I got into a relationship with someone and after two years of long distance I moved in with her.
A week after I moved in, I broke up a fight behind her flat and sustained a fractured upper jaw (Le Fort II fracture) and the operation on my face resulted in Trigeminal Neuralgia. The most painful thing I can imagine. It’s known as the Suicide Disease because many people take their lives because it’s so bad.
I’ve seen doctors and surgeons but I still suffer from it and there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.
Since the original injury I’ve sustained a head injury which ruptured a blood vessel and almost killed me, and a fall which fractured my eye socket and broke my nose. All because of the medication I need to take for the Trigeminal Neuralgia.
So now, I sit day after day, whacked up on drugs and wasting away. What’s the point?
I rarely talk to my kids, my (sort of) girlfriend hates what I’ve become (nobody really understands how hard it is to live with) and I just feel like everyone would be better off without me.
What do I do? Where do I go? 🙁
8 comments
I’m so sorry this has happened. There are so many supportive people on this site, many of which experience chronic pain.
I truly understand you, I have a disability so i know how you feel
What you are describing is definitely not living. I am sorry you are suffering. I won’t say if you should suicide or not but if you choose to go that way then please do careful research on your method so you don’t fail.
I mean the disability is definitely not living. and what the drugs are doing to do you isn’t living. Yes, what REALLY is the point wasting away on drugs?
I don’t know what you do or where you go (i’d say ask for as many opinions as you can if you’re able to… doctors skills, and their solutions, fluctuate more than wall street stock values), but… hell. i feel for you. I don’t have Trigeminal neuralgia but between my many “gifts” i do have pressure over the trigeminal nerve due to a neck/shoulder/cervical condition and… man, at times it’s awfully painful. I can keep it at bay with meds (mostly tramadol and ciclobenzaprine), but even with that it’s difficult to deal with it, so i can only imagine in how much pain you’re in.
As for your girlfriend… well, it’s pretty hard for people to get it if they haven’t suffered it, happens with physical and psychological issues so i’d say just worry about looking for more options in order to improve your situation… better to try everything under (and over) the sun before giving up. Best of luck, and keep posting whenever you want to.
I’m so sorry things ended up so unfortunately. I think you’ll be in this state of semi-death for a while. But Le Forte fractures heal. Did you get the surgery yet? The sooner the better, right? I lived in a state of semi-death for a couple months due to an injury too. God I know the pain. It really is a living hell. I can’t even begin to tell you how deeply I sympathize and understand.
Endure this. In my life, during that period of 2 months I lost everything (which wasn’t much since I had lost everything a year or so before the injury anyways due to the death of a loved one). But I can say this. While in a state of semi-death, a lot of things go away. “Loved ones” leave, family leaves, and one is left entirely alone. When you make a full recovery, you may have nothing left. I had nothing left, certainly.
But you can build it back. Surviving this will make you a stronger person, trust me. I speak from experience.
My advice to you is this: For now lay low, and recover. Let fate take it’s course, let the loyalty of your loved ones be tested, and expect nothing. This may be a period of emptiness for you, as it was for me. But again, once you are at least back to at least 50% and can manage the pain without drugs, you’ll find yourself a whole lot more resilient.
Thank you for your replies and support.
I’m talking to my doctor later In the hope that he’ll try different meds. The feeling of uselessness is unbearable. I’ll talk to him about that too :-/