Yes. Today will go down as one of the shittiest days I’ve ever had to go through. Never has my depression been so crippling. I feel physically ill. Like I want to throw up. I have one hell of a headache. I can barely get out of bed. My muscles are weak. I am shaking.
Maybe it’s partly because I haven’t been sleeping lately. But, I’m terrified of sleeping. I’m tired of the nightmares.
I am so passively suicidal today, it’s a good thing I have no strength to do anything… But type, I guess. Letting it out this way helps.
I just cut. After a month or so of being clean. I don’t even know how many, I don’t care how many. I just slashed away at my thighs. My left thigh. I seem to have a thing against my left thigh. It’s the only one I ever cut.
Today… I just want to die.
3 comments
Hi Ylem,
You were the first Person to ever talk to me on here. I feel like we can relate pain wise.. I’m so sorry to hear that you have started cutting again I wish I could help in some way. I also wake up shaking and in pain and due to my apparent bipolar/split personality condition everyday mental is different for me apart from the pain.. Pain never goes away. Please stay strong not only for me but also yourself and your family.
Ps.
Thank you for the support regarding my previous posts. It has felt pleasant to have someone there for me
Thank you King. I’m trying to be strong. You should do the same. I know you said you were counting days before your end. I’m counting years. But maybe we don’t have to. We can fight through the pain and come out the other side stronger than ever before. This shouldn’t be the end us. We can’t let the pain win.
I also have it out for my left thigh lol. I think it’s because I’m righty so I cut with my right hand and it’s easier to reach. Hang in there!