everyone’s sleeping. no one would be able to stop me. even if i do it wrong, what’s 5 more minutes of pain in this life. in the end, i’ll still be dead. i want to do it. i want to die. let me die.
I am pretty sure I want to die. But for some reason, or atleast began to notice how everyday my mom genuinely tells me she loves me at the most random times. It feels like those movies where you fall off the cliff, but some hand comes out to hold you up. I’m just hangin in the air now. I just gotta let go so the both of us don’t get hurt. . I am so lost.
I am not actively trying to die. I have just stopped trying to live……
1996: “Psst. Can you keep a secret? I’m never going to die. I’m going to live forever.”
2006: “Psst. Can you keep a secret? I’m going to die one day. But it’s going to be a long, good life.”
2016: “Psst. Can you keep a secret? I’m going to die soon. But I don’t want to.”
A while back, maybe a couple months ago, I learned that my younger brother has had suicidal thoughts. He doesn’t know I know that. I found a few discarded journal pages lying around while cleaning up the spare room I’m staying in. I don’t know if this is a current thing or not but it scares the hell out of me. Not even for the obvious reason of him harming himself in any way, because I’m almost positive he wouldn’t. It’s because now I don’t know how badly it would affect everyone when I do finally kill myself, and the last thing I want in […]
I think the fact that I was raped and nobody (friends) believe me or support me is what’s going to make me pull the trigger. I told one of my close friends about it yesterday but I made it seem like it was a friend who got raped and not me. And he said “well was she flirting with him.” That pissed me off. Then I said does it matter, she said no and kept trying to push him off. Then he continues to say “Well I know how guys think. He probably thought she was playing hard to get.” “maybe in her mind […]
So, I think I have a date set. June 25, 2016. 6-25-16. June 25 is my birthday and this year I’ll be turning 16. I’ve always wanted to die on my birthday and I still have a little over a month so I’m ready to finally end my pain.
First off, sorry for just complaining, I just don’t know what to do.
Today is tough for me. I am in JROTC is high school and we had to command our class in a drill performance. Well I was voluntold and so I had to command a bunch of people for a major grade. Well I am stage fright and I bombed the commanding. School is just be so stress full; enough that I want to die. I am doing self harm now, but I don’t know how long it can keep me calm. Tonight maybe tonight, IKD, you people will know what happens by […]
I took my last final exam of my undergraduate career today. It was hard as f*ck, I don’t know if I will pass that class. I couldn’t help but worry that I would’t pass that class, which dominoes to not graduating then to not getting into graduate school… So f*ck it all. I have this beautiful plan that I will commit suicide on sunday when my whole family is out of town. I am afraid to do it. I am afraid it will hurt. I know which method (no talking methods on here), where, with what, when. I just need the motivation.
Truth be told I […]
Ground zero. My optics aren’t good. Police looking for me. Now it’s do or die. Do to die. No backing out now. Only matter of time til there on city wide manhunt. Fuck. I needed one more reason.
Help me if you can
Its just that this
Is not the way I’m wired
So could you please
Help me to understand
You’re giving in to all these
Wreckless dark desires
You’re lying to yourself again.
Think about it.
You’re pounding on the fault line.
What’s it gonna take to get it through to you precious.
I’m over this.
Why do you wanna through it all away like this?
Such a mess.
Well I don’t wanna watch you
Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at time.
What’s your rush now?
Everyone will have his day to die.
It’s been awhile. I’m doing alright, I think. Do you ever just lay down and think of all the bad things? Then it takes forever for those thoughts to die down just quiet enough to sleep decently. Past few days I haven’t slept well. I hate this feeling. One second I’m perfectly fine. Next second everything changes. Questions flood my mind. I get this blank feeling spreading across my chest, almost like its trying to take over. Ways to prevent me from moving on. It really sucks when I don’t cry. I just sit here for minutes to hours doing nothing but thinking. If I […]
How dare you do this to me. If you wanted to die you should’ve done so by yourself, alone so you wouldn’t hurt anyone. Instead you fell in love with me, and made me fall in love with you.
You knew how badly I was hurt before. You knew I’d been abused, lost people, had people walk out on me or abandon me. You knew I was plagued by demons from my past. I thought I could trust you. You, of all people.
I can’t do anything without thinking of you. You’ve blighted my life with your loss. I just want to end things myself now. What […]
I have a good bottle of whiskey next to me. A glass to pour into. A pack of Marlboro reds. Listening to the sound of silence creep behind me. I remember calmly, the sidearm I was issued. I remember the one I purchased.
The chair is a blatant discomfort to my body. The air around me is becoming harder to feel in my lungs. The decadent ways of the reaper appeal to me. Swift. Sure. Calculated. An indifference rises in my mind, but I am quick to cast it. I can’t live like this anymore.
So familiar and overwhelmingly warm.
I really don’t want to die but I feel myself creeping toward the ledge. I can’t go on like this much longer
Still desperate to die.
Why won’t they take pity on me? Oh god please do one good thing for me and kill me.
I wish I could tell the people closest to me that I want to end it all.. I wish someone would say: “It’s okay, you can let go.”
I just want to end the pain, the sadness, the constant voice in my head saying that I’m not good enough for anyone or anything.
Last night I was told that nobody will ever love me. I believed that I was destined for love. Now I don’t believe in it anymore.
Does it make me a sinner for wanting to die??
I can’t make it anymore. I always come back to the same point. When I’m alone, I see that my life is pointless and worthless. and I want to die again. Why? I try to live. I try to find the reason to live. I try so hard. But those thoughts…They don’t leave me…Why do I always come back to the same point?
Two lymph nodes popped up on my neck a week ago. I went to urgent care. They did an assessment on me and couldn’t really tell me what it was from. They asked me questions – like – did I feel sick, etc. No. I don’t feel sick. I don’t know what’s going on with this. I’ve been trying to be levelheaded about this. Yes, I have depression and have thoughts of suicide some times, but… I don’t actually want to die.
They couldn’t do any tests, because it’s just an urgent care clinic and they don’t have ultrasounds and stuff to biopsy it. Ugh.
I know […]
Hi been a while Im still horrible and want to die but cant
Fond out my sister in law had to get rid of her pregnancy I have be a mess since I found out i was there on the phone when she was given the good news now im sick over it . I cant talk to my brother beacuse I know I will cry on the phone with himand I dont want to put Him threw that .
I hust hate my life Im traped And i wanna die really just drop dead .
Im gonna see captain America tonight that about it .
I been thinking […]