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Suicidal music appreciation?

by CatchTh3Bus

Has anyone else found some heightened musical appreciation when they became suicidal? I’ve found any music that I once liked or had meaning before I became this way now has heightened meaning or an underlying euphoric energy as I go through my day readying myself for the act and closing up shop! It’s really quite odd but an unexpected bonus to becoming suicidal in the first place. It makes the final days much more meaningful and can distract me from the depressive thoughts that come along with knowing I’ll be ending it all in good time.

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such catcat 2/29/2016 - 3:00 pm

I’ve only listened to music since my depression started. OMFG is my favourite artist

Lacalamity 2/29/2016 - 3:49 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dbR2JZmlWo

this song always helps me, no joke

GTSuicide_6 2/29/2016 - 6:04 pm

Mine was the exact opposite.
I’ve been listening to music my entire life, literally.
From the age of 3 or even less, I used to constantly listen to music.
And it stuck with me.
3, 4, 5…….On and on and on.
Every year.
Every. Single. Night. Never missed a single night without music.
And if it did ever come to the point where I couldn’t listen, I’d freak out. I’d get angry and upset and cry and felt like my life was over.
2 years ago, when everything began to feel blank and pointless, I stopped listening to music. And that was officially when I realized something bad had happened to me.
Nowadays, I listen to music some nights, just to distract myself from doing anything crazy like killing myself. I have no friends, nobody to talk to really, so I listen to music until 4 AM, or just until the thoughts fade away. Overall, I don’t enjoy music as much as I once did, through (practically,) ALL my life.

Snow Fox 2/29/2016 - 6:22 pm

I think music holds a different meaning for me when I become really suicidal. When I’m doing alright, I can enjoy the music, and the overall beauty of the song. When I’m suicidal and thinking about myself, I listen to the lyrics and connect to the ones that speak to me, but although it makes me glad someone understands, it also makes me feel worse sometimes because it causes me to sink even further into my mind.

PhantomCitizen43 2/29/2016 - 6:36 pm

Yes My appreciation for music does get heightened when I am havig depression or suicidal thoughts. I really feel like music and other art forms help me to express how I feel and help me to deal with it.

Mf 2/29/2016 - 6:41 pm

Yup, had it happen, but also the other way around, music making me go into heightened feelings which makes me really depressed depending on the situation. Happens to me whenever i go to watch a movie at the cinema too, so no idea what’s up with that.

CatchTh3Bus 2/29/2016 - 10:50 pm

Interesting replies πŸ™‚

I guess in my mind I fantasize the artist is talking about my life ,the good moments , the bad, the ugly. It’s like a way my minds been rationalizing my suicide, my consciousness would be scattered somewhere in all the random lyrics and notes in the songs I hear. I think my song of choice while I fade away would be simon and garfunkel the sound of silence…I know it’s such a generic song but it’s intoxicating especially the opening “hello darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again”

Hazy Day Sunflower 2/29/2016 - 10:55 pm

I am plugged in regardless of mood. The only time I’m unplugged is when I’m blahgh. If I’m not interested in listening to music then I know I need to stage an intervention on myself.

Ryder 2/29/2016 - 11:08 pm

I suppose I started listening to or appreciating darker, pop punk songs. Some of my go to songs were/are:

Thrice – So Strange I Remember You
Just Surrender – I Can Barely Breathe (acoustic)
Anatomy of a Ghost – Distress in the Control Tower

I feel I can relate to songs like these better now that I know depression.

I also recently discovered the song ‘Suicide is Painless’ from MASH….There are some very subliminal messages in that song that if I were listening to it on a high bridge, I probably would go on and jump. Before depression, the song probably wouldn’t mean much to me, though.

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