Do you ever feel like there is nothing left for you to do,
That everything inside of you has been let go of and you can’t fix yourself anymore than you have tried?
Believing in yourself had an expiration date for me; the day I was born.
Or maybe it was the day I realized I could never be a kid in my family. That I would always have to be some part-adult to take care of the adults around me. And with all of this responsibility I lost myself along the way, I was eliminated and there was no telling to what I had become.
You see, when you have to let yourself go for someone else, only they have the power to give you, back to you. For me, I’ve let a little bit of myself go for every person in my life, and so I’m no longer here.
I only live to be a part of them.
I only survive to survive for them, so that the part of me inside them doesn’t die as well.
Yet, everyday that I’m forced to live with myself I realize how lost I am. How much I have given up and how little I care about what I do and how I move forward in life.
I’m not sure where to beginning, let alone where I’ll end up. University is killing me.
The fixture that I have for helping those around me is lost, when I eventually mess everything up with them. I lose all hope again when I realize that some of the people that were in my past won’t be able to give me, back to me. And I’m stuck with losing another part of myself. A part that I don’t have.
I am but a humble empty shell that can’t hear the ocean’s song anymore.
I can’t feel the waves around me, and the part of me that was once living has moved on into something else. I await the day that something or someone will come and crush me, maybe I’ll give up and finally crush myself. It’s what I’m slowly doing anyway.