think I might have taken a turn

Well I’m going to go a different road today and say that I have a pretty positive outlook on life at the moment.

Today was a actually a pretty good day and I’m thankful for it cause they’re rare anymore.

Had a good aa meeting, had a meeting downtown for community service hours and I didn’t buy any drugs even tho I kinda had a plan to mabey look for something to take the edge off. Even took the money out, just didn’t ask anyone so that felt pretty good too. 

Getting out of the house too was actually good I didn’t want to leave my room today but I did. Been in here for.. 55 days something like that, barely leave only allowed out for AA,  Com service and work.. but I’m laid off lol

Anyways today I’m not taking it too seriously and feel a little more optimistic. Hopefully it lasts or I level out a bit more and have some not so bad days.. I don’t even need great days I just want these horrible days to stop. 

I feel like I’m making friends again, I’m not used to that.. I’m used to being drunk and just tearing up shit, make people leave me.. I’m fortunate that I have another chance, just more scared than anything. Scared to fail and scared to succeed. It’s so easy to sit here and hide in my room, especially now on house arrest.. but the times I am allowed out I make them count.

Hopefully it stays like this. And I wish the best for you that’s reading this. I hope your tomorrow is as good as my today or better. Everyone deserves to feel like this.