What’s the coolest way to go out?
Whats #1 coolest way to die?
Express and cast here.
im a fucked up fuck
A poem I wrote.
It makes me happy to read. I haven’t found love yet, but I try and I end up settling because I get desperate sometimes.
But this poem makes me happy because it lets me know I’m worth it. I’m worth loving, and I won’t settle. And that gives me comfort. I’m good enough. I’m not amazing or extra ordinary. But, I’m good enough. And that’s all right with me today.
so my last suicide attempt ended up with me going to jail for 4 months. Now I’m in rehab for at least 4 months.
I took a box of sleeping pills and got drunk, apparently I decided to go for a drive, my ex said I was going to her place. I remember I wanted to jump off her building at one point, so I was probably trying to do that.
I stole a bottle of liquor from the store and Cops got called, when they caught up with me I took them on a high speed car chase.
Got arrested, spent 4 months in jail.
I’m happy I’m alive now, but I still get depressed from time to time. Like today. Life’s not always rosy, but I’m working on my problems now. Hopefully it works out for the best. I just want to be happy. So I take things day by day.
Lots of love to those still struggling. Hope it works out for the best. Get help if you can, don’t be scared to tell people how your feeling. Chances are someone out there cares enough to help you start recovering. Talk to a doctor. Talk to anyone who will listen.
Worst comes to worst talk to me. I know what it’s like to want nothing more than to die. And I know what it’s like to want to be happy for a change.
Have a good night guys, be safe.
Couple attempts after and seems I have myself sorted out for the time being.
pretty optimistic I guess. Little numb still but it feels nice not to have that horrible depression looming over me.
Figure from now on I try my hardest to stay positive or at least neutral. No point letting myself get depressed. I feel more control over my emotions lately so getting there. Mental health is a tricky issue, people like me have to be very careful where we let our minds go cause it can lead me to some pretty dark places.
Glad I’m alive, can have a bad day or a good day.. they’re just days. But when I choose to be happy or at the very least just blank or neutral at least I don’t choose to be depressed. I’d even settle for angry but I won’t choose depressed for a bit it fuckn sucks
Hope all are having a good day
The last 5 years or so I’ve been saying next year, if this year doesn’t get better next year I’m doing it. The last 2 winters I was serious January 1st I was going to kill myself. This past 365 days I’ve tried 3 times. The first time was the most serious I took a shit ton of pills and medications after a night of heavey drinking drugging I honestly think I died and came back. Second time was just pills and led to a really bad heartburn for a good 3 days.
anyways this year I decided to set a date. Most of my actions are becomming more aND more wreckless, specially at work just trying to put myself in potentially life threatening situations hoping for an accidental end but it looks like im not getting off that easy.
And the thing is, things are going good. Too good. Fuck I just got a smoking hot girls number, my personal relationships and finances have never been better. But I’m just so fucking sick of tired of putting on my fake face. I don’t want to be a people pleaser. Truth is I don’t give a fuck about anybody or anything.
Don’t get me wrong I like to do good I did a habitat build in india and it was fucking sweet it was the best feeling in the world. I’m a generous and giving person by nature I like to make people smile cause I know how shitty life can be for some we live in a pretty hear less world with pretty mindless people and I’m just sick of it.
Been sober 147 days well I haven’t drinken, I smoke pot and actually mushrooms completely got me out of a month long depression this winter it honestly saved my life for a bit and again that night I took mushrooms with a semi intent to commit suicide on them. When I die Id kind of like to be on them it’s a spiritual thing to me… don’t know if it means anything at all but anyways…
the date is within the next month. At this point it’s a coins toss away Wether I do it or not. Thus time it’s not pills, I don’t want to poison myself it takes too long and it’s painful if you half ass it. whichever method I choose it’ll be a quick and instant death and km cool with it. Like Ive said before I’d be super happy to die.
Open to thoughts and suggestions
I just want to get away from me!
I don’t know what to do, all I have is a hope that it’ll be over soon if I can be brave for once in my life and just kill myself I’m so sick of being alive it’s so fake nothing about this is real. How can this be what life is supposed to be like I hate it I want off this ride I’m so done. Nothing even happened it’s just a culmination of my life I’m so sick of my memories my thoughts my worries. All I wanted I think out of life was to be loved and even that’s too complicated Jesus Fucking christ. I’m just sick of myself sick of life sick of everything I just don’t get the pleasure of living anymore it just sucks. Life sucked the fun out of living it could have been so fun but people just suck balls you all just make it such a horrible place to live fuck humans I want off this planet.
Well I’m going to go a different road today and say that I have a pretty positive outlook on life at the moment.
Today was a actually a pretty good day and I’m thankful for it cause they’re rare anymore.
Had a good aa meeting, had a meeting downtown for community service hours and I didn’t buy any drugs even tho I kinda had a plan to mabey look for something to take the edge off. Even took the money out, just didn’t ask anyone so that felt pretty good too.
Getting out of the house too was actually good I didn’t want to leave my room today but I did. Been in here for.. 55 days something like that, barely leave only allowed out for AA, Com service and work.. but I’m laid off lol
Anyways today I’m not taking it too seriously and feel a little more optimistic. Hopefully it lasts or I level out a bit more and have some not so bad days.. I don’t even need great days I just want these horrible days to stop.
I feel like I’m making friends again, I’m not used to that.. I’m used to being drunk and just tearing up shit, make people leave me.. I’m fortunate that I have another chance, just more scared than anything. Scared to fail and scared to succeed. It’s so easy to sit here and hide in my room, especially now on house arrest.. but the times I am allowed out I make them count.
Hopefully it stays like this. And I wish the best for you that’s reading this. I hope your tomorrow is as good as my today or better. Everyone deserves to feel like this.
Full moons around the corner and my sleep is getting worse
getting angry, 45 days sober, on house arrest in the middle of nowhere, court in November, could be looking at jail again
But I’m not looking that far. I’ve set a date for my suicide, if I still feel like it in June I’m going to kill myself.
started working again. Forgot how much I hate the farm, the hours suck, pay is horrible, work with a boss that hates me. Step dad’s suck balls. Real dads forgot about me. Chronic pain, need a hip replacement.
Wish I wasn’t an alcoholic, a good drunk would be awesome right now but my conditions will all get worse if I want to do my favourite thing in the world to do.
Summer can’t come soon enough when days like today turn into weeks of depression. Love being bipolar.
What’s left to hope for? No wife or kids, couple friends left. Love em all and they love me. Wish they didn’t. Kind of a downer when you want to kill yourself. Takes the fun out of it.
As you can probably tell, my mind was lost long ago, I’m stuck here trying to put back the pieces with what puzzle pieces I have left. Drugs and booze didn’t do this to me, I used to keep this part of me at bay. Just want to jump out of my skin
I’ll try and spread what love left I have to give before my time is up. To all the rest left fighting the fight, may you find peace. <3
Ps don’t use pills, gave myself a pretty fuck ed up stomach for about a week
I always wanted to die laughing.. like the ending of of mice and men. Best case scenario for anyone.
I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to die. I remember being so happy that I should kill myself cause things couldn’t get any better… I’m a pretty happy guy in general, I find positives in negatives, I make people laugh it’s one of my favourite things to do is make people happy.
I don’t know where all the pain comes from. But the pain the sadness is all secondary to the fact of how pointless I feel life is. It’s like everything else I just want to get to the punch line. I don’t want to live I hate rules or anyone telling me what I can and can’t do. I hate what misery people can cause others.. My moral fiber is highly debatable at times but I usually mean best unless I feel someones got it coming.. but I just can’t shake the fact that I want to die I’m even excited for it I dunno. Wether it’s healthy or not is besides the point… Mabey some of us are just like that…. nothings ever good enough or what we expect. I’m 27 I’ve thought like this since I was 4 since my earliest memories and I’ve never understood it.
I think the time is coming soon I don’t know if im going to last much longer, and to me that’s not sad it’s a relief. I’m done straining and trying, hurrying to meet deadlines or working to cheer people up its all tiring. If I have a soul Mabey it’s tired I don’t know… I don’t know what to think.
I wish I had answers on what the rest of my life would be like but looking at my life from a statistical point of view it’s only a matter of time before life turns around and slaps me in the face again. I don’t know if I can take another blow and I’d really like to end it with a smile on my face and Mabey that’s all I need.
Comfort in death. Being comfortable to die. Not to be bitter or sad about it… but just to be happy about it..
I don’t know if this helps you or not I wouldn’t wish harm on anyone.. I just wanted to share a perspective that’s all. Suicide doesn’t have to be sad or bad. As long as your happy with the choices you make that’s all that matters. You were given a life it’s up to you what you do with it.
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