I am 63 years old. I was diagnosed with chronic depression almost 30 years ago. I used to be a musician but I’ve been out of work for a long time now. My wife is a nurse. She doesn’t like me anymore. She has her two dogs and they’re what she likes, not me. I can’r seem to do anything but annoy her.
I have no money. I can’t go anywhere, although the best thing would be for us to separate. She’s always giving me dirty looks and acting nervous and anxious with me. All I want is for us to get along but she seems to hate me.
Everyday is just more pain and guilt, trying to do my best for her but never getting it right. Inside i hurt all the time, i have no more self esteem, I feel like a bug, a real loser. Tonight i think i’m going to take my pistol and put a bullet through my head. There’s no happiness in me at all. I’m a loser, no matter how i tried. I’m afraid of shooting myself in the head but every day is the same and why should I keep suffering? I’m too old for anything good to happen to me anymore.
She just had a new kitchen floor put in. I’m going to shoot myself and get blood all over her new floor, which she loves more than she loves me. I have nowhere to go, I have no friends anymore,