I just broke the heart of the sweetest girl in the world. I tried my best to love her, to give her everything she deserved. I couldn’t do it. Maybe outwardly I did, but inside it just wasn’t there. I loved her, I just wasn’t in love with her. I don’t know why. Smart, beautiful, kind, funny; she has it all.
I didn’t think it would feel so empty after I did something that I wanted. But watching her break in front of me was right up there with the most difficult and painful things I have ever done. I don’t understand what’s wrong with me, for not being able to appreciate her and for feeling this horrible for a decision that I made. There’s just no way to prepare yourself for hurting someone so badly, no matter how hard I tried.
I haven’t self-harmed in a long time, but right now I feel like I deserve unimaginable pain for what I have done. Fire me into the sun, for I am a cold, heartless, piece of shit.
5 comments
Sometimes in the long run it’s for the best. For her and yourself. It does hurt, for both parties. I’ve been on both ends. What changed for you if I may ask? What brought you to doing so? If you don’t want to respond to that I understand.
Some life circumstances arose that made me look at our relationship a bit more thoroughly, and I just began to realize that I wasn’t sure if she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I couldn’t help but think that I would never be 100% invested in her, and that just isn’t fair to either of us.
Not here; sounds like you did what’s best for the both of you. I am very proud for you. It’s a very hard decision to make.
There is a man in my life who has been in love with me for close to 20 years. He even asked me to marry him once. I have always loved him but never been able to cross the chasm of in love to be with him. He is married now, has three children and is still in love with me and I will never be in love with him. The worst thing I could do for him would be to lie to myself and him and be with him the way he wants. It would break me and ultimately ruin his life.
What you did was the right thing to do. It hurts to walk away from someone who is in love with me for the right reasons. It feels so damn good to have someone absolutely wait on my every word, but I should return the favor, which, at least for him, I never will. I don’t know why. He is good looking, successful, brilliant, funny, who wouldn’t want this brilliant funny kind man to be in their lives forever.
Well apparently me.
Thanks for the reply, it’s nice to hear other people that have faced the same situation. I feel the same as you, why am I not crazy about her? My head tells me she’s about as close to perfect as it gets, but my heart just won’t listen.