I have been hanging on by a thread for years – and now I’m tired.

I don’t have the energy right now to explain the full history. The short version is that since I took Chantix in September of 2008 I havr had massive depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation.

I’ve now lost everything. My 2nd marriage crumbled 3 years ago, and I don’t think I will ever get over it.  I’m currently 36. My oldest daughter is in college, my younger son is 15 and, although I have custody of him from my 1st marriage, I didn’t fight him a year ago when he announced that he wanted to go live with his mom. I wasn’t doing him any good – he shouldn’t have had to witness my downward spiral. My youngest son is 13 and lives with his mom, my 2nd wife.

I lost my job (as a Systems Administrator) in July of 2014 and have been unemployed since.

I lost my whole family. I eventually ran out of funds and ao I’m a 36 year old living at my mom’s house where I have slept on the couch for the last 8 months. How pathetic is that!

I identify as transgender. My mother is from a generation and social environment where she can’t even acknowledge my gender expression.

At this point I’m done researching methods – my problem is not a lack of methods.  I’m just done. I’ve hung on for as long as I can.