I just really want to die.
The last seven years have been a blur.
But 7 years… 18-25. Years I haven’t lived.
Heck, I wasn’t even living before then.
Don’t get into a relationship, you’ll lose everything.
Time, friends, sanity, freedom are just a few.
Live fast, die young, and leave a good lookin corpse. That’s the way we always lived our lives growing up, some of us succeeded, some of us ( like myself ) didn’t. Oh I lived fast, ( still am ) but I didn’t die young, and let’s face it, the GOOD lookin corpse things went right out the window years ago. I grew up and still live in Detroit. Growing up we didn’t have anything but that didn’t matter cause we really didn’t need anything, hell there was no such thing as cable, or video games, we had hot wheels, the […]
I don’t have the energy right now to explain the full history. The short version is that since I took Chantix in September of 2008 I havr had massive depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation.
I’ve now lost everything. My 2nd marriage crumbled 3 years ago, and I don’t think I will ever get over it. I’m currently 36. My oldest daughter is in college, my younger son is 15 and, although I have custody of him from my 1st marriage, I didn’t fight him a year ago when he announced that he wanted to go live with his mom. I wasn’t doing him any good – […]
My doctor thinks I might have an endocrine disorder since my hormones are somewhat off and due to some “symptoms” that I have like hirsutism, excessive sweating, and slight edema in the face. I just thought that I was a hairy person (although the facial hair is relatively new), that lamictal caused the sweating (and hot flashes), and that that was just how my face is genetically (somewhat “pudgy”). I don’t see an endocrinologist until the 14th, but she went ahead and prescribed me metformin- supposed to help regulate my hormones. When I see the endocrinologist I’ll probably have more blood work done to see if maybe […]
I don’t know what to think. I’ve been drinking to dull the pain. Now, I can’t drink much because it hurts my stomach, so I just sip it, little by little. I’ve had this four loko for 3-4 days now.
I’ve been in and out of chanting since I began because I’m so tired all the time and find it hard to commit to any religious practice. I’ve come to believe it’s real, though. It numbs me ever so slightly too.
None of this has been his doing. I’m sad, lonely, hurting, and numb on my own this time. I borrowed the iPad from work to get […]
Hello.
This may be long or short. I don’t know yet…and I apologize for my grammar ahead of time. I do have two college degrees but they aren’t doing me any good so no reason to try and type correctly, eh?
I have some vague memory of creating an account here at some point and I may have posted something. I was obviously drunk when I did. I have read a lot here and it has been quite awhile since I have visited. I was very serious about suicide last year and even made a few lame attempts…and nothing that got me landed in a psychiatric ward.
I […]
I always have to ask myself are you crazy ? Whats wrong with you ? i wish i was able to answer myself but im so ashamed . sometimes i dont even wanna loook at myself in the mirror & my family is worried because im isolating myself but its just something thats pushing me away . They tell me to talk and express myself but when i do they correct me & tell me thats not how i feel ! i mean wouldnt you be tired of life , especially after you lost everything & basically your soul to !
so….depression….isn t that the worst *****? i feel that i can t and won t do it….it stole everything from me…even myself. i ve been happy, i know the feeling, i miss it like the human misses oxygen. i can t have it back….i had a break down and lost everything.nothing can change the past and we cannot rewrite history. i choose not to live in pain. i tried for a while…some meds, some therapy….nothing worked…i just want and wanted out. this fear of fucking death, the unknown, still keeps me here…i know it won t be for long…i can t bear too much. honestly…life […]
So this is what I said:
Why do you ask?
Every week either gets progressively worse, or, it’s just the same droll, hermetic, life I don’t enjoy. I’ve lost everything but half my job. How could life be anything other than bad? I’m the loser that everyone laughs at. There’s no reprieve from the pain, so, I cover my costs and I shoot my dope (don’t get me started on all the precautions I take, I’m not trying to leave XXX yet). Thankfully, I haven’t been to jail or overdosed this week, which is good – considering my family doesn’t talk to me anymore since I refused […]
The end of my life is growing closer. I’ve always known I would take my own life one day. But that day always seemed far off. So it wasn’t a source of excessive worry. However, that is no longer the case. I have reached a state very near the point of emotional exhaustion. My life has been spiraling downward for over a decade. I’ve lost everything in my life. My little remaining money allowed me to keep things going and appearances up. And I’ve kept assuming/hoping my career would be revitalized. After being unemployed for 3 years now, my last vestiges of hope are gone. […]
I’ve lost everything, my friends, my sister, my happiness. I use to be the happy person that would high five everyone in the hallway, the person you could count on. “Your the problem” “your not good enough” “why would I wanna hang out with a freak like you’ is all I hear now. Rejection and misery welcome me like my blanket at night. My friend’s all turned their back on me, and my sister, the only family I felt I could actually talk to and enjoy, is gone from this world, now all I have is my yorkie, I went into homeschool because the bullying […]
Through separation and divorce I have lost everything other than court appointed contact with my family: the ex-wife/best friend, my son, my 2 dogs. It feels like the work I’ve done to try and make this all come together as a family was for nothing. And it was.
Two weeks ago, I shot .375 grams of pure crystal meth into my arm and gave myself tachycardia but died slowly enough for the doctors to save me.
Monday, my legal benzo analogues came in the mail. They’re like xanax on steroids. I took a couple handfuls (that stopped my heart) and then woke up today with no memory […]
Today’s the day. I am killing myself today.
Just wanted to say goodbye? IDK, my family doesn’t give a fuck about me and I just wanted to say goodbye to somebody.
If you must know, I have been suicidal since I was 17 (I’m now 26). This all feels very pointless to type but I’ll type it anyway.
I was so neglected by my parents that I was allowed to become morbidly obsese. At 12/13 y.o. I weighed 240lbs. I was harrassed and ridiculed on a daily basis in Junior High and it was torture, I grew to absolutely loathe waking up every day and felt like a […]
Where do I go from here? How do I even start to write this? It will be long and painful but I hope to give some light to my life….to help you understand where I have been and the footsteps that have brought me here.
I’ve been abused all my life. At the age of 1 my mother pour Mr. Clean down both my ears and caused my eardrums to rupture, causing me to lose my hearing. When I was 8 I received an at the time experimental surgery to give me back what they hoped would be some hearing. It worked and for the first […]
Ok ok I’m gonna try to calm myself down enough to make sense… I’m a veteran infantryman/machine gunner from the US Marines, I’m 27 next month, and I have a 2yr old son& and baby on the way… Regardless, I lost my job, I’m in Australia with no family, my partner can’t come with me for many months if I leave and I can’t take my son from her… It would kill her. My life has been contemplated in the past and now I don’t know what what to do. I’m not gonna be one of these ones that get into elaborate plans of suicide, […]
for a number of years i have felt depressed suicidal i lost mum i was 21 then after went on a downward spiral lost my partner my kids because things got out of control i lost mum and i was just a mess i lost everything i ever live for, but can never find an easy way i have taken many overdoses have self harmed and i agree with some people on here totally that for some of us there is no way out we cant change our mind frame we dont see a light at the end of the tunnel maybe i will keep […]
Born at zero, learnt to walk at one, learnt to talk at two, got friends at three, learnt to draw at four, learnt to count at five, learnt to spell at six, parents divorced at seven, depressed at eight, confused at nine, alone at ten, procrastinating at eleven, drinking at twelve, cutting at thirteen, loved at fourteen, almost had a child at fifteen, started drugs at sixteen, lost everything at seventeen, dead at eighteen
I’m sorry I just can’t do this anymore. I’m done with hope. I’m done with everything. I’ve lost everything and there is nothing left for me. I don’t want to live anymore. And there is no use for me anyway. Nobody will change my mind. I’ve already chosen what to do. I can’t even cry anymore. I’m not scared to die anymore. I am 100% sure of what I should do. And nobody will ever change my mind. This life is hell. And I don’t want to deal with it anymore. I will be free and so happy. And so will everybody else.
This is not […]
Sometimes I wonder what I would do if I was given a choice: go back and make one change in the most critical moment, or just do nothing and be in the same position I am now?
For me that critical moment was actually a series of tiny interconnected moments. Our friendship escalated to flirtation. At first just innocent, then mischievous, then naughty, and in the end serious.
What if I could go to that exact moment when we decided to cross the line? Would I back out now, knowing what I know? Knowing that I have lost everything, including my will to live?
But if […]
I thought I was gone from this site, it’s been over a year. I thought things were looking up, but I’m still a failure. I thought I had already lost everything, but I’m about to lose more. I am so overwhelmed and hopeless. I have done everything I can do to build myself up, but it always comes back to this. I’m tired of feeling afraid all the time. I don’t really want to die, but I have exhausted all other options. It’s been so long, decades. There are people I love, far more than I love myself. So I keep on, keeping […]
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