hey everyone. I’m new here but I have been trying to commit suicide for the past few years. I can’t remember the last time I was not suicidal. I’ve had a lot of traumatizing hardships in my life but I do not want to type it out because it would be too time consuming and exhausting.
I don’t think I have it in me to go over the details as to why I really want to and need to end my life. I wanted to go by the route of cyanide poisoning but I’ve been researching a lot on how to obtain it, and it seems bey difficult. Lately I have been thinking of killing myself by hanging.
The only thing stopping me is that I don’t really have a space to kill myself in. I could kill myself in my boyfriend’s apartment which is lofted and had lots of pipes by the ceiling. However, I do not want him to have to find me. I don’t want to traumatize him. I know he loves me very much.
Can anyone please give me tips or advice? Thank you all for reading and helping. Please do not tell me not to do it. It’s my birthday and it would mean a lot to me if people didnt try to stop me. Thank you all. I’m so alone..you’re the only people I have to talk to.
Also, I would like to apologize if there are any errors in my spelling or grammar. English is not my first language and I’m also in mobile. I’m so sorry!
19 comments
Dam i dont think you’ll find what u want here. Besides what youre asking not to hear
Your grammar is very good, certainly better than that of most native English speakers.
That being said, we can’t discuss methods here. I hope for the best for you.
Sorry, I didn’t mean that as a reply to tiredthoughts. I meant that as its own comment.
Thank you. I’m so sorry I did something against the guidelines. I do not have good reading skills. I’m really genuinely sorry. ..
Don’t be. I know a handful of actual repeat visitors to this site that make multiple method posts in knowing defiance of the rules. At least you simply didn’t know.
So long as it doesn’t happen again, nothing bad should happen.
Thank you for all the feedback. Sorry that I didn’t understand that methods couldn’t be posted here. Can someone please let me know where o can get advice on methods? I’m really sorry if this is inappropriate to ask, but I’m really desperate. I’ve thought this over for years and for once I want something to go right today on my birthday.
I’m really sorry. I appreciate all your concerns. I’m sorry if I did anything against the rules.
It’s okay, it’s a common mistake. I know that there are places you can go (chatrooms and such), but unfortunately I don’t know any of their names nor how to find them.
Your english is pretty good. That said… don’t go the cyanide route, it’s a really risky move and you could endanger people around you, plus it’s hard to get a hold of it. Hanging doesn’t work for a lot of people, been there and failed. Truth to the matter is that dying is pretty hard for some people, lol.
By the way, it’s not allowed to discuss methods here, but i just had to tell you that those are not good. In all honesty, every method can fail. If you want to discuss what got you to this point feel free to make another post. Other than that, i do hope that things get a bit better for you eventually.
Thank you. Should I make another post? I’m really sorry. I can delete this post. I just really need people to talk to. I’m so sorry…
No need to apologize and you don’t need to delete this post either. Yeah, you could do a new post, this is a free space so just go ahead.
Thank you for your patience and understanding. I’m so sorry. Your kindness means so much to me. I’m crying right now because I haven’t had someone talk to me of be kind to me. I’m sorry…this is so embarrassing for me. Your words mean so much to me. :'(
Hi, I also do not want my loved ones to find me dead, but sometimes there’s no other alternative. In my search to find a place, I found a beautiful forest. I think a forest would make a great place to die, but what made me worry was the possibly of being discovered. If I lived on my own, I would go there at night, but unfortunately I am not that lucky. I also considered taking a bus to another state, leaving all identification at home, and finding a place outdoors, then my family and friends would probably never know about my suicide.
Hi Ryder, thank you for your comment. I’ve thought about that too. I live in a large city, so I would have to travel far. I recently went to Southeast Asia, where my family is from. I haven’t been there in over 10 years: I couldn’t bring myself to do it because I was with my family and friends. Cyanide is easy to obtain there but if you are caught, it is a drug trafficking charge. In my culture, drugs are very immoral and I do not want to bring shame to my family or country.
It’s very hard for me to do this because I do not want to be found and I do not want to traumatize my family and loved ones who already lost people to suicide.
I was thinking what if I travel to a different country and do it there in a remote forest? I would still be found because I’m a young girl traveling by herself, so if I told people I was going somewhere, they would not leave me alone. Also, my boyfriend and some other people who I am suciidal and very depressed, so if I’m gone or don’t answer phone for a while, they will suspect.
Actually, with the bus plan, I realized a lot of things could go wrong, so then I thought why not use a hotel or motel room? Unfortunately, I can’t do that either because it’ll raise suspicion among my relatives who’ll want to know why I need a hotel room…
I think your English is great, and it’s fine if you accidentally broke a rule.
I’m sorry about whatever you are going through and I hope things get better for you. honestly there are some forums with methods but you can’t always count on them to be accurate (if you’re looking for dosage amounts or success rates), and they’re not very legal in a lot of places so they can be hard to find.
I’m sorry all…I’m trying not to do it.
Welcome sorry u feel that way your not allowed to talk about methods on the site u can find them on Google if u look properly
Hi, I’m just reading this now. How are you doing this morning? Mf always leaves really good advice about what not to do, which is important information for all of us here. I will say that blowing off steam here, getting to know the folks, having a safe place to hash out how utterly shitty life it at time keeps me from putting a gun in my mouth. Especially lately, when everything around me is so utterly baffling.
So stick around, read some of the struggles of others, comment or just lurk. You may find some nugget of wisdom to make sense of life, which is what I have found.
Oh my sweet little black cat, have you really thought this through? You have a boyfriend that loves you. You realize this. You don’t want to traumatize him. Well, he’ll be traumatized whether he finds your body or not. He doesn’t want to lose you. It’s not my place to ask why you want to leave him. But you could ask yourself that question.
Now, while I can’t give you any methods because that’s a violation of the rules of this site, I can say this… years ago I worked in the funeral industry. I saw many things, horrible things. Suicide is never pretty. It’s not like it is in the movies.
Yes, I’ve been suicidal many times. But I’ve never acted on those impulses. Why? Because surviving suicide can be worse than succeeding.
By the way, hanging is NOT an option. Yes, it is fast and painless IF done by a professional hangman. I don’t think you qualify for that. When done by an amateur, it is a very bad way to go.
Here’s a true story. A few months ago a man in my area killed himself by hanging. He did it in a tree adjacent to a grade school. During recess, a few children seen the body hanging. They went closer. They saw him twitching. One of the children told the teachers that the man “made a sound like Darth Vader, and then stopped moving.” No telling how long he hung there before he actually died.
I’m not telling you not to do it. I’m just advising you to think it through. Yes, suicide is an option and a right (in my opinion), but it’s not one to take it lightly. If you botch it, and survive, you could be worse off than you are now. That’s the main reason why I keep putting if off. I pretty much am a royal fuck up; I fail at everything I do. Well, suicide is NOT something to fail at.
I hope this helps.
And by the way, Happy Birthday.
Your new friend,
Jack