Stuck

so right now I can’t die haven’t got the right method found the location equipment etc don’t want to live like this no more depressed anxious putting on weight suicidal proberly won’t sleep from insomnia bla bla bla can life get any shitter Oh yes it can just a matter of time before God give me that kick in the teeth to try harder why couldn’t of the overdose worked I feel as if I’m going to be pushed to a method which I don’t want to do but feel I have no choice