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I don’t know.

by mentally conflicted

You know what sucks tbh?
It’s the moments where you’re doing fine-in fact, better.
You feel like you can get through the day and that things will be okay.
But then something happens.
It could be the smallest thing.
The feeling when it all comes crashing down.
The moment you feel like it’s all gone wrong.
Honestly, you just wanted to have a decent day-maybe just a “neutral” day.
A day where it doesn’t suck too much.
Just the days where you can actually breathe.
The routine-sleeping, doing whatever it is you do, then sleeping again.
Forgetting how shitty you feel, even if it leaves you numb.
I guess you could say you want to “zombie” through the day.
Something happens.
And in the blink of an eye, you’re not okay.
You feel broken, again.
Deep down you knew you weren’t okay, but you don’t know what else you’d call it.
You’re not really living…You’re just…Existing?

I don’t know anymore.

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6 comments

PhantomCitizen43 4/6/2016 - 12:01 am

Yeah, I know about those moments. Those are SHTF moments. (Shit Hits The Fan) moments.
I hate those moments. Your right > it sucks when things are going fairly well and then WHAMO > the shit hits the fan and everything gets turned upside down and your left scrambling to hold yourself together… and sometimes the Shit is so deep you wish you could just turn the whole game of life OFF and start all over with a clean slate. But unfortunately > life is not a video game and we cant just turn the thing off and start it all over from the beginning. Rather > we are stuck dealing with situations and emotions and pain and consequences of our mistakes and so forth and Yeah > dam it. It really can suck. And Yes > I know what you are talking about.. Just existing. There have been times when my life sucked pretty bad… but I had to keep going just because this dam thing called life just seems to keep going. LOL.
I wish I could pause it sometimes. Like Pause thing thing called life for a while. Let the whole world just pause for a while and just be able to relax in limbo for a while without all the headaches of Bills, and responsibilities and commitments and troubles and pains and all the other Bullshit. ha ha Thats my rant
But I have found that often we can make choices to make things better for ourselves… we can learn to improve our lives and things can gradually get better… and well sometimes when things SUCK > that can just be a time when we need to learn a few things and grow a little bit and become stronger and then after we get out of that rough season there can often be a better season right around the corner and when that Good season comes its like GOLD man
so hang in there. Things are not always going to be shitty.

PhantomCitizen43 4/6/2016 - 12:05 am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSfNvTVEALw

I Love that song by Ozzy. I DONT KNOW>

Jam out to that song for a while.
Youll feel better.

mentally conflicted 4/6/2016 - 1:40 am

Yeah. When I’m feeling like this I normally just listen to music.
I’m like 3. I wasn’t even born yet when Ozzy was popular.
Ah, which reminds me, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but there’s this thing called warped tour where you can just go and listen to some rad music. It mainly consists of pop rock, punk, metal, classic rock, etc. It’s good stuff, honestly.

mentally conflicted 4/6/2016 - 12:22 am

LOL. I think we can be great friends because I laugh and cried the shit out of myself at the same time reading this. But then again…video games and pausing… In the game I play, League of Legends, I can’t pause the game so I’m fucked LOL rip.

Mf 4/6/2016 - 1:59 am

I know about that… sort of been going through that a lot lately. The days were i think “this is actually endurable” yet they end up it me wanting to bury my head in the sand or something. It’s even worse when some decent days have gone by, because you even think “hey… maybe this will last”, but nope, rarely lasts.

mentally conflicted 4/6/2016 - 2:12 am

Exactly.
(Excuse my language).
It’s like jajjajajajajaja ayy lmao it’s not thaaaaaat bad, but when “shit hits the fan” it’s like o. k. I see how it is.
It sucks. But then again, a “good feeling” wouldn’t exist if “bad feelings” didn’t. It’s like how good wouldn’t be good if there wasn’t a bad.
Sometimes I just want to be a majestic narwhalcorn (narwhal and unicorn) that shits glitter. (which reminds me I used to have a Twitter where I was like crazed about potatoes and potatopuff girls and I’d make these photoshopped edits with my internet friends lololol).
Enough of my bullshit, if you just want someone to talk to, about anything really, when you’re happy, sad, mad, scared. You name it. I’m here.
You can email me at ayeeevivvers@gmail.com.
Sometimes things happen, not necessarily bad things, and you just want to tell someone.
Anyway, I appreciate you, and I’m always here to talk. <3

-Vi

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