If you tuned in on THIS POST, you not only got to hear me sing 197 digits of Pi at three in the morning, but you also got to hear me explain that I am going to spend my Friday drinking vodka and becoming (hopefully) less coherent as the night progresses.
I’ll spend most of my time here, but might drop a comment on your posts too, if you’d like. I promise to try to be on my best behavior if I visit you, but here on this post I may well descend into the depths of raving lunatic-dom. Now is not the time to ask me serious questions about life and death, since I will most likely screw up any question anybody asks me.
I’ll be drinking Svedka Mango Pineapple vodka, mixed with fruit punch and maraschino cherries. Possibly also some Ruby Red Squirt. (I realize that at a certain point in the evening I will not be able to say “Squirt” without giggling.)
Enough explanation.
Let the drinking begin. (!!!)
See you in the comments.
UPDATE: When I’m sober I can remember 200 digits of Pi, but when I’ve been drinking vodka for four hours I can only remember 42. Here:
.
426 comments
Cordless + THAT + time = Toilet.
Time will tell!
Somewhere there is a song in all this.
Tropical drinks… somebody wrote something about “put the lime in the coconut and drink it all up”… or something like that.
Then there’s Jimmy Buffett with Margaritaville…
I was going to say “I should totally WRITE A SONG about this here thingy” but I think there’s probably no way I could compose anything I would want to remember later. Lol.
7:00. Just started. Tastes ok.
I see that the vodka is only 80 proof.
But I plan on drinking at least half the bottle, so hopefully that will be enough.
I haven’t drank in years, plus I haven’t eaten anything yet today, so hopefully my tolerance will be low enough for a steady stream of strong fruity-girly drinks to get me hammered.
Vodka is typically 80 proof. I am tempted to join you.
I tried to find everclear but couldn’t.
You should try eating something or you will regret it tomorrow… Are you able to order pizza or some other kind of delivery take out?
I have a collection of snacks here if I get hungry.
There are granola bars and apples and exactly one stale bagel and a couple Luna bars and probably some other stuff my brain can’t remember now.
Originally I said “my brian” instead of my brain, which is funny because I don’t think I know anybody named brian.
typing is hard.
Well ffs my daughter swapped out my high end vodka for a liter bottle of Smirnoff. sigh.
You have no more high end vodka?
My heart is sad.
And heck it’s only been 15 minutes but I’m already having to correct a helluva lot of typos in my words here.
That is just your double vision from the kiwi sized lump in your head.
Maybe!
It isn’t kiwi size yet, as far as we know.
Grape, I think, if I remember right.
Though it would be awesome to blame all poor life choices on a kiwi in my head.
“Honest, officer, I’m not drunk, there’s just a kiwi in my head.”
A fig shaped kiwi would be even better.
Figs are shaped like…
Well, they’re proof that God has a sense of humor.
Also the geoduck, which looks like a cross between a clam and… something else.
http://www.geoduck.com/
http://www.seriouseats.com/2010/10/the-nasty-bits-geoduck-how-to-cook-recipe.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geoduck_aquaculture
Cordless, OMG! What have i done! Clearly after all these years of me talking about drinking vodka have finally taken it’s toll!! oh lord! please forgiveith me! poor Cordless knows not what she doifth!!
I sort of still know what I doeth, since I’ve only been drinking for 22 minutes, but wow it is really starting to hit.
I made the first one extra strong and knocked back a big colossal series of sips so I could start the crazy train quickly.
Crazy Train is something Ozzy Osbourne sang.
If we could meld Ozzy and me together like that Jeff Goldblum movie “The Fly”, Ozzy and I could be one person. Between the two of us we might have one complete functioning brain.
At first I said “bran” instead of “brain” which is funny because… I guess because “bran” is funny for some reason. Make your own jokes. I’m going to drink more.
Cordless, i don’t know if i like this!!! i’m the one that gets drunk and silly!! now i have competition!!! Between the two of us we might have one complete unfunctioning brain!
I think I just gave the other half of my brain to Ozzy Osbourne or something.
I’ll soon be joining you. It will be a blast. We can chuckle at squirt later.
WooHOO!
Cordless, make coffee!!! so you can be a wide awake drunk like me!!! 🙂
I don’t make coffee… I only go to McDonalds and nicely ask for them to make coffee for me.
I have caffeine equivalent to coffee here since I have a 2-liter of mountain dew, which maybe I will have later.
Holy crap this is really hitting… It’s only been about half an hour and I can feel my face turning into melty wax or maybe elmers glue which is still liquidy in the bottle.
LOL.
I just tried typing “Bottle” with two “D’s”.
It wasn’t right.
You are going to last an hour tops. LOL.
Cordless, take it easy!! you can’t start out strong like that! pretty soon your comments will look like this! iiiii dddon’t kknoow WTHFGOYT I’MMM DDDEWWWWING! 🙂
@hazy: Au contraire; I plan on lasting at least until 10:00. Which I think is 8:00 your time. See, I’m still not drunk enough if I can still compute time zones.
@rocketman: But wait, your comments look like that all the time!
Cordless, AWWWWWW! IT DOES!!!! The truth hurts!! AWWWWWWWW! WTFATHDTH????
(*insert drunken laugh here*)
You still up? I’m totally out of it now. So pleasant!
Totally still up!
Yay us!
7:30.
OMG.
Wow.
Coherent thought is slipping away.
And you have no IDEA how many typos I had to correct while I typed that.
Cordless, LET YOUR BUDDY GIVE YOU A DRINKING TIP! 🙂 Put the vodka in a glass and your chaser in another, this way you won’t drink to much sweet shit that you will regret drinking later!
When you go to most fast food places and ask for a large drink they give you a 32 ounce cup.
But when you go to Arbys and ask for a large drink they give you this FREAKING GIANT 48 ounce cup (I think it’s 48 anyway). It’s huge.
I got one of those the other day and saved the cup. That’s what I mixed my vodka and punch in. I’m drinking out of a cup large enough to fit at least half a dozen gerbils in. Maybe more, since it’s been awhile since I researched gerbil size and mass and volume and other nerdy things like that.
Cordless, DON’T GET TO DRUNK AND SIT ON THE CUP!!! YOU might like it! 🙂 and wind up in the tabloids!!
As far as I know, I have never sat on a 48 ounce up before…
Briefly considered putting it on the bucket list, but nah.
At first I typed “Han” instead of “Nah”, which is the first name of Han Solo, which is a heck of a thing to name a kid.
Han Solo was played by Harrison Ford who also played Indiana Jones, whose movie theme music I used to help me remember 200 digits of Pi, which I sang in my post last night.
http://suicideproject.org/2016/03/possibility-of-drunken-cordless-heap-soon/#comment-498176
See, even when I am drunk I am a nerd.
I just turned my head and got very dizzy.
Lava lamp in my head!
Colors… somewhere.
We’re going streaking!
Are we?
Someone should’ve told me that yesterday before I drank a vat of vodka.
I almost said tequila, but no…
Never drink tequila.
Sorry, Jimmy Buffett and PeeWee Herman.
Through the gymnasium and into the quad…
You guys think KFC is still open?
You’re trying to confuse me!
I am still sober enough to know what KFC stands for, but not much more than that.
When I was a kid it meant Kentucky Fried Chicken, but then a few years ago they tried some new ad campaign where they said it meant “Kitchen Fresh Chicken”.
YOu can’t fool me.
I can taste the unhealthy deep-fried goodness from here.
When I am sober in a few days I will consider going to KFC.
Maybe not streaking.
What’s embarrassing is that it took me a few tries before I could spell “KFC” right.
Where the hell is the pointer on my screen?
Oh. There it is.
Dude it’s from “Old School” after Will Ferrell character “Frank” gets intoxicated for the first time after a stint of sobriety
As far as I can remember the only Will Ferrell movie I ever saw was “Elf”
I just spent a long time wondering why I couldn’t get the letter “A” to show up, and it was because I was accidentally hitting the CAPS-LOCK key instead.
typing is hard.
Cordless, does a nerd have to be smart? i want to be a drunken nerd!!!! instead of just sexy!! i really like Harrison Ford!!! great actor, reminds me of myself!! 🙂 ok i’m stupid what does PI Mean!! Sometimes i wish i had brains instead of good looks!!!
Yes nerds have to be smart.
I think it’s in the constitution somewhere.
Benjamin Franklin signed it.
dammit!! i’ll never be a drunken nerd no matter how much i drink!!!! life isn’t fair!!!!
Life isn’t fair at all.
I learned that when I was… in kindergarten, I think.
P.s. My face is numb. Which has nothing to do with life not being fair, I just thought I’d share that.
Alan Ominous, my buddy!!! who’s were? should we be worried? 🙂
(*staring at screen*)
What does “who’s were” mean?
You’re supposed to be the sober one.
Unless you meant “Who’s Where?” in which case I know 75% of the answer.
50% = I’m here.
25% = Alan is somewhere on the road probably within a few states of wherever the hell I am.
Argghh I be in the land of cheese lubbers
Wisconsin or Frankenmuth… or Pinconning… or …. no, you wouldn’t be in Switzerland. Though swiss cheese is awesome. The holes have no calories at all.
Wizcuntson
How’s why? There is are we…
You’re trying to confuse me again.
I am still able to (barely) keep my English grammar straight… I bet I would totally screw up if I tried doing a German lesson now.
Bonus truth: Germans love beer!
Schnitzel?
Schnitzel.
Weiner Schnitzel sounds naughty but I think it’s just a pounded flat meat thingy with tasty breading and fried into a cholesterol-raising thing of beauty.
I just got up to pee, and OMG it required more thought and self-discipline than a military drill combined with a MENSA test.
Cordless, you have to think ahead other wise you will spray everything!!! on the way to the bathroom!!!
Last night I got so drunk I blew chunks….
No…you don’t understand ….. Chunks is my dog.
@rocketman: I haven’t sprayed yet! Let’s hope for the best.
@alan: I just laughed so hard I looked at the clock and it was magically 8:20 already.
8:20? I’ve been drinking vodka for an hour and 20 minutes. Where did the time go? Someone please ask Stephen Hawking where the time went. If anybody would know, he would.
Alan Ominous, OMG! Alan! NOW WE HAVE TO RESCUE DOGS!!!
Drat, I have to pee again.
Everybody hope for the best….
Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.
I get it!
eVEN T (woops) Even though I was always lousy at playing guitar.
I had to take a semester of it for the music therapy degree but I never quite got the hang of it. I loved piano and harp and french horn so much better.
If I tried playing french horn now there would be vodka vapors trapped in there for WEEKS.
Cordless, WHERE IS TO TREES!!! WE need someone that’s sane to comment on your post!
I think he’s chasing moles or cooking medium-rare salmon.
Possibly with a side of Hershey bars.
It is becoming exponentially harder to get up and go pee.
Because we nerds love using words like “exponentially”.
And since I can still spell that right, I must not be drunk enough yet.
Cordless, this would be a good time to take your underwear off! otherwise you will have to ring them out later!!!
Beautiful planning: I put the bag of ice in the bathroom sink.
So when I get up to pee, I can refill my cup with ice.
I love it when a plan comes together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GL6LH6ufhM
Cordless, That’s a great idea!!!! don’t forget the snacks!!! maybe you should concider moving the computer in there too????
I can’t move the computer into the bathroom.
Because then there would be NO DOUBT that it was a pathetic way to spend Friday night.
Whereas now there’s still some arguable level of legitimacy.
Slightly offset by the fact that I have no idea what I’m saying.
Cordless, i hope you don’t mind being stuck with a unnerd like me right now! i’m trying to hang in there with you till help arrives!!!! it’s Friday where is everybody help!!!!!
Everybody is GOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEE.
(*echo*) Gooone… gone…. goooonnnnne…
Hazy is gone, whitetiger is gone, nepheliad is gone, ToTrees is gone, somebody else is probably gone too.
I’m heeeeeere!!!!
Yay!
Partyyyyyyy time!!!!!!!!
(*adds more vodka to cup*)
Comfortably Numb.
Which I think is from Pink Floyd.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FrOQC-zEog
Cordless, i’m drinking too! vodka!!! i’m right with you!!!
Have another; you’ve got to keep up because I’m already almost two hours into it.
Why do women make terrible truck drivers?
Every time you give them a load it takes them 9 months to deliver.
(!!!!)
Alan Ominous, ha ha never heard that one!!!
Heeey, the last time I looked at the window it was still sort of light out but now it’s all dark.
Three hours from now it will be this way on the west coast too.
I wonder if fish care when it’s dark.
Cordless, if a fish winds up with a coyote date it’s helpful it’s it’s dark!!
That made absolutely no sense! I’m 99% willing to say it wouldn’t have made any sense if I was sober either so I guess it’s ok either way.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
That’s the truth.
they only care cuz they want their mommy
First thing i’m gonna do when i become invisable is find the first mime i see and beat him to death… bet he get a standing ovation too.
If an invisible guy beat up a mime, then everybody watching would think it was just the mime pretending to get beaten to death…..
OOooooohhhhhhh…
Which is what you meant by “standing ovation”.
Gotcha.
I’m with you now.
The light bulb lit up a little later than usual, that’s all.
I sure as hell hope I’m catching all these typos because WOW sometimes even I can’t figure out what I was trying to say.
Oh LOOK, some ice I forgot to put in my drink.
Need to refill.
What do ya call a rent free condo for midgets???
A stay free mini pad….
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents.
Close.
Have you ever had camping sex?
It’s fucking in tents.
Boom!
Boom!
LOok, It’s past 9:00.
And Hazy had said I wouldn’t last an hour.
I surpassed Hazy’s expectations!
They can put that on my tombstone: “She surpassed Hazy’s expectations.”
I started typing ‘Syrup” instead of “surpassed”, maybe because this bottle of grenadine says “syrup” on the side. It goes awesomely with the punch and the vodka.
Why did I just try spelling vodka with an “F”…?
Again?
AGAIN?
Bladder, why are you doing this to me?
Be back in a moment………….
Haha bladders suckkk I just went and have to again. Grrrr I don’t wanna get up!
Cordless, i don’t get it!!!
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells “Super *****!” The old man says “I’ll have the soup.”
I laughed… probably louder and longer than I should have.
And I am making so many typos it’s insane.
Soon I might not even bother trying to correct them.
Alan Ominous, another one i never heard!
Pro tip: when you’re sitting on the toilet after drinking a helluva lotta vodka, don’t stand up too quickly.
Also, when standing on vodka sitting drink quickly toilet!
Snort!
Sometimes I’ll sit in a public toilet stall for longer than necessary just to read the graffiti on the walls. You’d be surprised how compelling quality graffiti can be.
Sitting on the throne can be both comforting and entertaining, (in addition to providing relief).
Dude, I frequent truck stops. I’ve read it all.
You know what’s the worst?
When the guy in the next stall over starts tapping his cowboy boots on the floor and asks to borrow toilet paper, then launches into a conversation you’d rather not be a part of.
There’s horrible music playing on the speaker directly over your head as you’re seated to drop a deuce, and now you wonder if you’re getting hit on by some cowboy in the next stall over.
Has that ever happened to you?
I learned how to read at a VERY young age.
When I went into public toilets, I would read the graffiti out loud to my mom.
She quickly learned that she needed to go into the stall beforehand and make sure there was nothing bad for me to read.
Or at least nothing that would be bad for me to read out loud.
Ha!
Interesting.
I wonder how ladies room graffiti differs from the men’s room variety?
What do women write on restroom walls?
If I ever get a sex change I will be glad to compare and contrast for you.
Morris, no never happened, I do however tap my boots, but it just keeps my feet awake
Dress up as a man
Just spilled about four or five ice cubes out of my ice container.
I’d be worried if I didn’t realize they will simply melt into water.
Instead of radioactive ooze which might give me superpowers in my sleep.
Wait… I’ve been wanting superpowers for years.
Dammit.
Nobody is here so I’m going to see how bad I do at my German lessons.
Ich bin betrunken.
Ich weiß es.
Ich hoffe das sehr.
Say what???
Translation:
I am drunk.
I know that.
I really hope so.
Haha nice!
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking during sex?
Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.
Lubricant would be an awesome idea.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten Tickles.
Lol, OK OK.
What did the worker give each Tickle Me Elmo before shipping them?
2 test tickles
oooooo no now elmo can procreate
The only thing worse than one Elmo would be two Elmos.
Alan Ominous,
A Indian walking to town finds a cowboy hat on the ground and puts it on to shade him from the sun.
A couple of cowboys in a pick up truck pull over to give him a ride, and decide to have fun with him.
One cowboy says hey Indian do you suck dick?
The Indian reply’s ME NO COWBOY ME JUST FINDAM HAT!!!
Lol, I pictured Owen Wilson/ Jackie Chan Shanghai Nights for that
Alan Ominous, CAREFUL! We might be ruining Cordless’s post! she might not like all are dirty jokes!
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him Sum Ting Wong.
I am too busy trying to remain semi-vertical.
If I close my eyes and move my head in a figure eight shape, I feel like I am in an antigravity chamber.
It’s probably not possible to fall over when you’re sitting in bed but I think I just did a few seconds ago.
I am going to search YouTube for funny videos involving farts.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gtEb5BIGkc4
Cordless, i got a fart joke! want to hear it?
Thrill me.
No joke?
It must be a SILENT fart joke.
It was silent but deadly.
Rocketman farted
Again?
Just a rocket fart
Not interested in life, my farts are sweet!!! 🙂
Love rocket fart, oh that’s not a fart
ok you asked for it!!! 🙂
A Guy that’s a virgin goes to a whore house because he’s getting married and doesn’t want to be embarrassed on his wedding night for not knowing what to do.
The madam SENDS HIM TO HER BEST GIRL! The girl say’s don’t worry i’ll teach you everything! so you won’t be embarrassed on your wedding night! first i’ll teach you 69 🙂 take off your clothes and get on the bed.
he does then she gets on top and cuts a big fart! she say’s excuse me! i’m sorry! this has never happened before! let’s try again 🙂 then she throws her leg over his face and cuts another big fart!!! she say’s OH! I’m so sorry! it must be indigestion from those taco’s i had for lunch!!!!
he say’s i’m sorry too! i can’t do this 67 more times!!!!
A guy who’s a virgin makes a company called VIRGIN and everyone who works there must be a Virgin
In a way… that’s got some sad truth to it
What’s the difference between onions and prostitutes?
I cry when I cut up onions…
You don’t fuck an onion
@ NIIL and Alan: The scary thing is that you both made sense.
What I do with onions is my business
So you have a ‘what do you do with onions’ business? 😀
Im trying anchovie pizza for the first time…
Made a small thin crust homemade one…
Sounds alright. I’m damn starved
@Beaubriiiiiiiiiiiiii: Yay! you’re ok now! Wait I thought you tried anchovies for the first time last week…? You said they tasted like olive oil and salt.
@Alan: I haven’t had pizza in… maybe… a week? I can’t remember. Also, it’s hard to type the word “remember” when drinking vodka for three hours.
I tried them plain..
But not on pizza..
Nice
Pizza 😀
That does sound good.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So that women would know what it feels like to have to live with an irritating c*nt.
(Sort of offensive, don’t read that joke ^).
Why did God create Morris?
Feel the burn baby
Why doesn’t my flour get a yeast infection? Cuz it doesn’t have a vagina
Have you looked?
@Morris: That’s ok. If it was a non-offensive joke, I would worry that someone had stolen your identity.
Hahahaha
P.s. Morris: Awhile back you offered to introduce me personally to Satan. If I die tonight from alcohol poisoning, I hope that deal’s still on.
It would be a shame if the coupon had expired or something.
Satan is still alive cuz hes illuminati
Of course he’s alive.
If he was dead the world would be an amazing place to live.
Instead of the current hellhole it is.
And still even though it’s a hellhole we have CHOCOLATE and bacon and pizza and barbecued chicken and sex.
Well… someone does.
I currently don’t.
God created:
CHOCOLATE and bacon and pizza and barbecued chicken and sex.
One of these days I should probably say thank you.
@cordless; You can conjure him by playing Black Sabbath’s ‘Sabbath Bloody Sabbath’ backwards on your record player.
Satan’s not really a cat person though.. So if you have you any felines you’ll need to set them free, otherwise Belzebub is unlikely to drop by. (Don’t sacrifice your cats to The Dark Lord; he’s not into sacrifices).
It’s ok.
My cats are all dead now.
Between old age and unexpected fatal diseases they are all gone, and I knew I couldn’t have any more because I’m not well enough to take care of any more animals.
So yay for me, living here all alone, waiting for Beelzebub.
Surely there is an online converter that will allow me to play sound files backwards.
cordless cats still be watching over her <3
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic?
Halfway
What do you get when you cross an iceberg with the titantic
iceberg titan
ya. Shitty jokes
@alan: That made me laugh so hard I have to pee again.
I live out in the boondocks of nowhere, and there is only one place that delivers, and that place is currently closed for the night.
Plus it is increasingly hard to type.
Thank you all for listening to my angst.
*knock knock*
who’s there?
who
i said who’s there?
who
WHOS THERE?
who
GRRRRR!!!
calm down Who is my real name
In the Dr. Seuss Grinch story there were people named “whos”.
I like the Grinch.
It’s a shame he ended up all happy and stuff.
He would’ve been an awesome addition to SP.
im sure underneath that hes just like us
I don’t understand where the fuck you live. It’s pissing me off. East of CW, South of knuckles, north of the sewers. Away from Canadia …..but… it’s rural… so like… Beaverton?
Remember on that other post I said that I was referring to the Canada that’s next to Detroit.
Yes, but also, not knuckles deep, or over 69, so, it doesn’t leave many areas.
You guessed correctly once, I just didn’t tell you that you got it right.
OK.
On the wrist.
10/4
Tomorrow when I sober up, I will gasp in horror and say “OMG, holy crap, I can’t believe I told my stalker where I live!”
And then I will set my house on fire and move to California or something.
Until I remember I just told you I was moving to California.
You didn’t tell him what part of the wrist you live, so you are okay.
for now.
(0) ~ (0)
Low population; almost nobody lives here except for me and a whole bunch of Amish people.
The only downside to living in a community with a lot of Amish people is that there is a helluva lot of horse poop on the roads.
I gotcha. Don’t worry, just remember, I’m your FAVORITE stalker
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOfZLb33uCg
A guy runs into a friend and the friends say’s! man you look bad! the guy say’s but i feel good! and keeps walking and runs into another friend that say’s ,man you look bad! the guy say’s but i feel good! So he decides to go to the doctor!
Hello doc!
The doctor say’s man you look bad! the guy say’s but i feel good!
So the doctor says lets look it up in the book!
Feels bad looks bad? that’s not it!
Feels good looks good? that’s not it!
Feels good looks bad! why your a *****!!!!
wow.
The first time I talked to rocketman he told me a string of spectacularly racists Native American jokes. LOL.
So he hasn’t changed much….?
The first time he commented on one of my posts, it was to tell me how much my artwork sucked! 😮
he was a cat
I remember when I was a teenager about forty thousand years ago, they told us alcohol is a depressant instead of a stimulant.
It only seems like a stimulant because it tampers with our normal sense of inhibition.
I can’t remember the rest because my face is numb and I’m laughing too hard.
But yeah, depressant, apparently.
By “depressant” they apparently meant “DAMMIT, I keep making typos and have to correct them because I couldn’t bear to be remembered as a person who mis-spelled things and used poor grammar.”
Imagine having that put on your tombstone.
I know, right?
Cordless, Alcohol is a depressant if you are unhappy when you drink it! they never tell you if your happy it’s not, i never drink when i’m unhappy.
Were you a teenager forty thousand years ago too??
was God?
Cordless, i still am! 🙂 I WILL NEVER GROW OLD GRACEFULLY 🙂
What do you get when you cross a chicken with and elephant?
A dead chicken with a big ass hole!!! 🙂
They’re both probably in chicken mcnuggets.
you get an elephant going cluck cluck with his trunk
Cordless, well no more chicken mcnuggets for me thank you very much!
what about ‘idkwtf is in these nuggets’ Nuggets?
Almost anything can be redeemed by a good dipping sauce.
God could not be with us physically so he gave us dogs
i.e god is dog spelled backwards
It just started raining, which makes me have to pee again.
lol
sorry i shouldnt lol at that
I don’t want to derail the fun. But I’m throwing some real out.
I been up, working, for 36 hours straight. This, tendency, makes my depression 10 fold worse.
That is all.
Continue..
just work ‘anonymously’
36 hours is a long long long time.
I forget how long it’s supposed to be before you see hallucinations, but please share those with us.
Sorry about the depression ten-fold thing.
That, plus Wisconsin.
I’m in Chicago now
OH I used to live in Chicago….long long long time ago. Lovely city. Fantastic public transportation system.
I wish I could hallucinate transcend out of here. Instead I just blank out till the rumble strips jostle me
That sounds strikingly unsafe.
It is SURPRISINGLY hard to open a granola bar wrapper when you have been drinking vodka for almost four hours.
Hey how are you feeling? It’s almost 10pm here.
It’s almost 11 here…
Wait, I thought Texas was two hours behind us instead of one….?
I am fine so far.
My head is still a lava lamp, and I am probably peeing more than God ever intended.
But on the bright side, I watched fart videos, practiced German, and guys have been posting dirty jokes.
So I think it all averages out to a bonus.
Also, Morris told me how to reach Beelzebub.
Texas I believe is in 3 zones isn’t it?
Wasn’t that helpful of Morris.
Just Mountain and Central Time.
Do you have a record player, Cordless?
I realize that technology is sort of out-dated but vinyl has been making a comeback in the last decade or so.
Drat, I’m in Eastern Time.
I should know that Morris. Shameful of me.
I haven’t owned a record player in decades.
Vinyl has indeed made a comeback.
Peter Buck (formerly of R.E.M.) had released albums that are only available in vinyl. Which is sad because I will never be able to listen to them until somebody puts them on YouTube.
Unless they already have, which must mean I have been drunk and clueless all this time.
You spin me right round right round….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGNiXGX2nLU
@cordless; I only asked because people used to spin records backwards, then they would creatively decipher the gibberish as some sort of satanic message. Fundamentalist preacher types, who claimed to be experts on ‘satanic programming’ would go from church to church and warn parents that their children were being exposed to some evil conspiracy orchestrated by The Great Horned One himself.
There are still people out there who believe in this stuff.
@Al; No worries.
@Morris: I vaguely remember hearing crap like that when I was growing up. I remember hearing claims that “Another One Bites The Dust” backwards was “Smoke Marijuana”.
I never checked for myself, since I figured I either would or wouldn’t smoke stuff anyway, regardless of what a backwards record told me to do.
Right on
I’m always so freaking late.
I’m watching hellboy.
I see Cordless is even more fun with alcohol 😉
I can’t really tell the difference. Which says volumes.
Lmao tbh, I can’t much tell either. The only reason I know if because she repeated how many times she made typos.
@mindless:
1) WHY ARE YOU LATE?
2) Typos are annoying. I hate them. I can never forgive myself for making a typo. I read books and articles from reputable sources which PRESUMABLY had an editor and a writer who both took at least basic English courses, and I can still find typos. I shudder to think how many typos I will find here when I re-read all this tomorrow afternoon.
The difference between me drunk and sober is that when I’m drunk I make a thousand more typos and take way more time cleaning up the typos so no one can tell I’m drunk…
Which is pointless because I just made a whole entire post explaining to people that I am drunk.
I make no sense.
typing is hard.
I use to haul Pfizer down to Laredo. A Mexican company would take my trailer on to Mexico City. My company put me in a resort, for 3-4 days. To wait for my trailer. They had free beer and margaritas from 4-6, after that, charge them. Oh what good times. $250/ a day pay too.
So you were being paid by the day and not the mile?
Just while I sat at the resort getting hammered. Mileage down and back
This sounds AWESOME.
Cordless, I HAAANEN’T ABANDEN YOU IN YOOUR QUEST HICK-UP! BUT YOUR FRIENDS HAVE ARIVIDE HICK-UP!! 🙂 THHANK GGOD! I NEED ANOTHER DRINK 🙂
What’s the officer, Problem? I beer to only drunk
@rocketman: See? You’re already well along in your night full of typos. Drink another.
@Alan: I just mis-spelled your name three times.
Cordless, i resemble that remark hick-up!
Thou which haveth nigh cords, has thy succumb to darkness?
Never!
@Cordless and Alan:
Check out my painting in the other thread.
Night.
I just held up a flashlight to the bottle to see how much I’ve had, and learned that in 4 and a half hours, I have drank half a bottle of vodka.
My brain can’t remember how to conjugate German verbs anymore, nor can it remember how to… WAIT, yes, I was able to remember 42 digits of Pi.
I just recorded myself reciting them. Go look. Or…. listen. or something.
Cordless, DRINK COFFEE! and carry on! that’s and order! you have 235 hits! we must break 300! that is all 🙂
I have no coffee and there is no way I am driving anywhere to get any.
I do have Mountain Dew, and I just added some to my cup.
Cordless, Mountain Dew will work! 🙂 yee hah!!!!!!!
It’s worked wonders so far.
It’s 2:00 in the morning and I am still awake.
Just cracked open a beer. How ya doing cordless?
Doing pretty well.
Just recorded myself drunkenly reciting 42 digits of Pi, which is apparently what nerds do when they drink vodka for four hours.
Awesome! I can’t get anywhere near that. Drunken brain doesn’t work over here
42 digits? Impressive. I think at one point I had 8 or 9 memorized. Now I just know 3.14 haha.
@cordless, this is going to sound creepy, especially with me being your stalker and all. But, dude you’re voice… it’s so I want to say velvety? Anyways, I’d call a 900 to hear you drunkenly recite pi any day.
And yet here you can hear it for free!
Maybe when I sober up I can find a way to start charging for it.
Dude, a nerd hotline…
(*gasp*)
If there was a male version of that, I could go into debt with phone bills.
Them: “Hello, thank you for calling dial-a-nerd, what may I postulate for you today?”
Me: “I’m… uh… wearing nothing but a pair of purple underwear, and a tight t-shirt, and…”
Them: “Did you realize that the square root of 169 is 13, one terabyte equals 1,048,576 megabytes, and that you probably shouldn’t drink vodka for five hours straight?”
Me: “Say that again… slower…. while I take my shirt off…”
Pi day is March 14th.
It is indeed!
I memorized Pi out to about 200 digits two years ago, just to celebrate Pi day.
That’s pretty intense I must say. Recite it!
I recited it here:
http://suicideproject.org/2016/03/possibility-of-drunken-cordless-heap-soon/#comment-498176
(Scroll to the end of that post).
Today I was only able to make it to 42 digits, which I posted earlier at the end of this post.
Quite impressive!
If I had a restaurant, I’d have a Pi Pie Special.
$2 slice of Pie minus 1 cent for every digit of Pi you recite
Yay! Free pie!
Alan, that’s a brilliant idea. 🙂
Whiskeys I like you, you’re kinda funny. Strum to a drum us Jon ?
Aww, thanks man! 🙂 I feel the same about you.
Pi is probably my favorite number. I don’t like math either.
Cordless. You still awake???
The sour patch kids are coming alive over here. Hah
Sounds interesting.
Always interesting. Those sour patch kids have major attitudes.
I’m not drunk, just exhausted. Y’all names are too damn similar
Haha sorry ! Get some rest!
@whitetiger: I am 100% wide awake.
@alan: I wish you were able to pull off to the side of the road somewhere and sleep for a few hours. I worry.
How are you still awake?my eyes are burning trying to keep up on this thread lol
LOL!
Imagine the shock I will feel when I wake up tomorrow and slowly absorb the magnitude of it all.
Will be an interesting awakening
At about 1:00 I will transition over to water, so I can flush all this out of my system.
(Flush literally and figuratively).
If I do that, and make sure to pee copiously, I don’t expect a hangover.
Best of luck to the no hang over lol
I’m pretty sure I will be ok.
And if it turns out I do get a hangover, it will be worth it. 🙂
I’m impressed at the amount of comments on this thread. The subject of this post makes me want to get plastered, but I told myself I would try to avoid the bars and public houses this month. (The liquor store is out of the way for me and it’s not easy to get there.) Dang. Here’s to falling off the wagon. 😐
It’s a lot to follow and kudos for staying on the wagon!
Well, not really. I haven’t even been sober a week yet (this time).
Better than me! Sobriety is hard.
The only thing harder than sobriety is trying to pronounce it backwards after drinking vodka for five hours.
Yteirbos? Lol
Yes! That!
Not sure how I managed to do that backwards. Many attempts!
whitetiger OMG! WE HAVE TO WAKE HER UP! WE HAVE TO SLAP HER!
Rocketman: SLAP!
whitetiger: SHE’S NOT AWAKE! LET ME SLAP HER! SLAP SLAP!
Alan Ominous: YOU CALL THAT A SLAP! HERE THIS IS HOW YOU SLAP!! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
Hazy Day Sunflower: YOU BUNCH OF PUSSIES LET ME SHOW YOU HOW TO REALLY SLAP!!!
SLAP!! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
Cordless: OK OK I’M AWAKE ALREADYYYY!!!! 🙂
Haha I can’t stop laughing awesome! But seriously. Cordless…… Wakey wakey!!!!!
I’m awake!
Really!
I promise!
Stop hitting me!
Haha. Puts hands down. Ok.
Must refill glass…..
Me too.
I don’t even try sobriety. I probably should cut back but I only have a few beers a day, not even every day. So yeah. Cheers.
Cordless is dreaming of Pi.
Most likely!
Not dreaming yet.
I’m wide awake and thinking of Pi.
What kind of pi(e)?
I love blueberry pie!
Although the mathematical version is nice too.
Yummmm and yes math is good. I like strawberry myself
I like lemon meringue pie without the meringue, which means I might as well just buy a pan full of lemon bars.
Drools so share lemmony goodness
So what kinda fun drink should I get when I go out with the girls Sunday before we go see Ani Defranco.
Whiskey. Hands down. No ice. Best way to go. I’m my humble opinion.
Vodka mixes with a lot of things.
I remember in college I briefly liked whiskey mixed with root beer, but these days.. meh.
Never tried that! I’m a whiskey girl inside and out!
Cordless, I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR YEARS! I’VE NEVER SEEN 300 HITS!!! I GOT BAD NEWS 🙂 300 IS TO EASY! IT’S IN THE BAG! 🙂 THE GOAL IS NOW 350!!! CAN YOU DO IT!!!!! ??????
Probably not!
BULL SHIT! HA!
GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO!
EVERYBODY!!!!!
GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! GO! Cordless! GO! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cordless: OK I DOOOD IT!!!! YAY!!!!! 🙂
Without a doubt. Lol!
I like fireball. I used to like whiskey sours.
Fireball is good. Have you had sinfire ? It’s the stronger version.
Nope.
It’s stronger than fireball with the same taste. I do recommend.
I don’t really like cinnamon things, so I would probably not like Fireball.
I love hot spicy things (like hot peppers), but I don’t like cinnamon.
I don’t like horseradish either. Or wasabi.
But hot peppers, heck yeah. Good stuff.
Some feels I’m not moving bot require else is
Not what I meant they all so fast I meeting
Wait! You’re supposed to be the sober one!
Drunk on love. Wait Nov just sleep deprivation, yet auto correct
Phone is almost dead. I’m gonna miss the real party!
Quick! Plug it in!
I can’t find the cord cordless lol. I’ll get it eventually!
I listened to the 42 digit recital of Pi.
It sounds like you have a Standard American English accent. This means you sound “normal”. You don’t sound like you’re from New York, Boston, the Deep south, Philadelphia or Texas.
People from the upper mid-west, west coast or inter-mountain west speak with this affectation. It’s a standard issue accent that allows you to blend in. (Although I did detect a trace of ‘northern-ness’. A few words sounded Canadian-ish).
It’s comforting to know I qualify as normal in at least one way.
🙂
List smokes…lol in pocket
Shit Alan, are you still driving?
Was just stopped
(!!!)
Alan, DID YOU HIDE THE POCKET ***** IN TIME?
It’s not where it is but where it’s been
I thought it had been in the exact same place, over and over and over again….
I wondered the same thing.
36 hours of sleep deprivation does the same thing to him that five hours of vodka does to me.
Actually, worse, since I can still force myself to type syntactically correct sentences.
Dude, please pull over at the next available opportunity and have a good long nap.
We worry.
I’m drunk as hell and I can still worry.
You deserve an A+ grade in drunk typing. No one would know you were inebriated if you hadn’t mentioned it.
For real. How can you type so coherently?
@nepheliad: Thank you!
@whitetiger: I have absolutely no idea.
Questions are hard.
I saw the funniest thing today on the bus. This guy had on cowboy boots that had fake lizards on them. Really wish I had taken a picture because my description does not do them justice.
I can only picture real lizards lol
All I can picture is a Geico commercial.
It was great, but not as great as the time I saw someone who could have been Billy Idol. That’s my all time favorite bus story.
Was it really him, or… not?
Sure it wasn’t
Awww. 🙁
Down for the count. If I keep my eyes open any longer you’ll be hearing from my toilet. Haha. Cordless you rock at holding your liquor. See ya in the am! Party on
Thank you for spending the evening with me in my drunken stupor. 🙂
*bows down* it’s been fun. You are a force to be reckoned with !
(*hears voice*)
“Cooooorrrrddddlesssssss…. Use the Force…..”
CORDLESS! 11 MORE TO GO!!
Easy peasy. New record is coming!!!
Wow Cordless…I am so glad for you. I only had four beers yesterday and my mother wouldn’t leave me alone because of that. She yelled at me like a possessed woman
She wouldn’t leave you alone because you had four beers?
Aye y’all snarf jabbers, I parked this dome pitch . Already apothecary, so highways are margarine safe.
Screw u guys, um going to bed
Sweet dreams!
I’m so glad you will be able to get some sleep now.
Have sweet dreams.
In the meantime I will try to Google what a “snarf jabber” is.
And I had no idea margarine was safe.
Thunder cats go!
Snarf!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TbcvdmS6yOI
Good nite
You say you’ve only drunk half the bottle?
C’mon, no one likes a quitter.
Time to man up, take the bull by the horns and destroy that bottle. Yep, gotta consume the whole thing. Liquor that doesn’t get consumed in one sitting forms the fluid you’ll drown in in the after-life. (I believe that’s an Irish proverb).
This is vodka she’s on, not 5% beer, Morris!
Whoa! Easy with the exclamation points! Seems a bit over-dramatic!
Nah, that’s cool. Self-restraint is an admirable quality.
How many people who’ve posted on this site AREN’T dramatic?
I like to think we take turns.
It’s more of a bonding experience that way.
I hope tonight wasn’t my turn, because if it was, I totally screwed up.
LOL.
Your encouragement is duly noted.
🙂
I think half a bottle of 80-proof vodka is probably enough for one evening.
As soon as this cup is empty, I’ll be switching over to water, so I can start flushing everything out.
Besides, spending the afterlife drowining in vodka doesn’t sound so bad after all. It’s gotta be better than listening to Pro-Golf commentary and being eaten by sharks.
Hopefully mango-pineapple Vodka is available as an afterlife elixir and/or drowning agent.
Cheers.
Shudders. How terrible!
@morris: They also had grapefruit-jalapeno vodka, and I really wish I’d tried that. Maybe next time.
@whitetiger: The pro-golf thing? I agree. Almost as bad as the shark thing.
You’re morbid tonight Morris. Maybe *you* should try adding sweeter alcoholic beverages to your shopping list.
I always imagined Morris drinking the souls of the damned, possibly with a twist of lemon.
Shaken, not stirred.
I don’t think that comes in mango-pineapple flavor, but I doubt he would complain.
@ Nepheliad; Thank you for the unsolicited advice. If I ever decide to switch genders perhaps I’ll heed your “sage words of wisdom”. (Shopping list? Please).
@cordless; Goodnight. Hangovers eventually subside. 🙂
Spinning. My eyes refuse to stay shut.
Really…. How ya doing cordless??
Still awake!
Quite impressive I must say.
How is it any good
Hmm?
Is what any good?
If you mean vodka, of course it tastes terrible. That’s why they add flavors to it, to disguise the fact that you’re drinking something horrible.
I further disguise it by adding fruit punch and cherry grenadine syrup.
Once it’s sufficiently disguised, it’s possible to drink it for… for….
(*looks at clock*)
(**squints and thinks hard**)
Six hours.
Though now I’ve switched over to non-alcoholic things, to flush everything out.
I dont mind the taste I ciuld take on the rocks or with spalsh oc soda .
I’d be so trashed off all that vodka. That’s why I mostly drink beer. And even now after almost two tall ones I’m ready to crash but I worked today running my ass off.
Oh believe me, I think I reached the “trashed” stage not too long ago.
Slowly working my way back.
So far, so good.
Hope you don’t feel too hungover in the morning.
I don’t expect I will be too hungover.
Usually when I make sure to drink a lot of water and flush out my system before I fall asleep, I’m ok the next morning.
Sorry I missed you Party. I do wish you a good night.
ww.youtube.com/watch?v=IJvkTYKcLqc
Leonard Nimoy reciting poetry while Captain and Tennille play music in the background….
Whoa….
P.S. I wondered where you were. 😉
Have a good night… though I guess it’s only 10:42 out there right now.
It’s 1:42 here…. and I am still awake.
Cordless, you will surrender your vodka to me because alcohol is not good for you and go to rest. Surrender, Cordless
Sure! There’s half a bottle left.
It’s all yours if you want it.
THANK YOU SISTER! We’re brothers we share :))
You’re also welcome to the rest of the fruit punch and maraschino cherries.
I think there’s still some Mountain Dew here too.
As for the part about it “not being good for me”, meh.
Everybody does a dozen things a day that probably qualify as “not good” for themselves.
I just decided to do mine all at once, that’s all. 🙂
True true you needed this
You are a saint ! Thanks! And don’t worry i can sleep on the floor :))
The bag of ice is sitting in the bathroom sink.
I figured that way I could safely let it sit without worrying about how fast it melted.
I’ve used most of it, but you can probably fill a cup or two with what’s left.
I’m ice cold, baby! To your health.
What do you feel about wine though? I love wine.
Red wine. Red..like blood. Here in Transylvania we love both. :))
Wine never really interested me either.
I’d rather have it used as a cooking ingredient instead of a beverage.
Three in the morning… still awake.
Yay! I made it through all the comments! Now, what’s this post about?
Oh yeah, Cordless, I hope you took it slow so you don’t start puking everywhere.
3:33 in the morning… still awake!
Still no puking of any kind.
Doing fine!
I just logged back on. Last time I checked this post had 193ish comments. You’re at 407 and counting now…. o.O
And you’re still up.
God.
See now, I would not survive. I’d already be hallucinating shit after a day of no sleep.. without any drinks at all…..
I think I slept Thursday night.
Since then, not so much.
3:45… still awake!
I have never hallucinated, which is too bad, since it sounds like fun.
it’s weird as hell. Seeing random shit when you are walking around.. I got no sleep and I had a physics lecture, and I swore I was seeing freaking eggs and shit.. It was crazy…
Eggs?
What kind of eggs?
I truly feel for people who have a hard time sleeping. I just woke up from an 8 hour nap after getting home from work and I’m drinking coffee. I will have no problem falling back asleep in about 15 minutes. I’m sure I’m narcoleptic but there could be worse indictments against a person I guess. Believe it or not, I have actually fallen asleep on a first date (I got a second).
I kind of swing between the two extremes.
I can go a few days without sleeping, and then I can sleep for 14 hours straight.
I never have been able to maintain any kind of normal sleep schedule, despite an abundance of advice from well-meaning people who don’t really understand the problem.
Have you ever fallen asleep while driving?
What kind of problem?
I fell asleep once while driving. I was on the Pennsylvania Turnpike really early after a camping trip and I dozed off while in the far left lane with a semi next to me. Next thing I know I;m riding up the concrete median, swerving back the other way to compensate and nearly driving straight into the truck. Lol. Thank God I didn;t and no one was hurt but ever since then when I drive long distances I stop and rest when I feel the need. But then rest stops and dark, barren parking lots have been the setting for other bizarre and harrowing experiences too. Have you ever worked at night? I have a feeling a night shift job years ago did a number on my sleep cycles.
Wow, that sounds like a disturbing experience.
Good thing you were ok.
Rest stops are a good thing.
I’ve never worked 3rd shift, so I guess I can’t blame my sleep issues on that.
Allll righty then…. It’s 5:00 in the morning and I am still awake.
I guess I will go ahead and try to get some sleep.
I feel fine.
Good night, SP.
See you tomorrow.
415 replies! Wow, this must be some kind of record.
You can’t kill yourself. You’re a SP celebrity!
Is it really a record…?
Damn it!! I’m always late to the party. But ughh.. Who cares I got enough alcohol to keep me happy haha…
I love ya cordless you and your posts keep me entertained and happy as a lurker here on sp. Lol oh and I hope you get that brain thing worked out hope its not cancer. You have more people that love you more than you know 🙂 dam I would like to get drunk with you. That’s when I open up and at my best Buahahahaha….
I’m glad I could brighten somebody’s day, and I also agree with you about the cancer thing. (!!)
Statistically speaking, it’s probably not cancer; I’d just like the peace of mind that comes with knowing for sure.
Well its saturday morning. I am coming into this too late. I guess I missed the online fun of posting while Cordless was drinking. Dam. I missed it. But I was out and about and doing a little beer drinking of my own. I also got to chatting with a friend of mine on the phone last night when I had a buzz and we talked for hours So I never got over to the computer.
well anyway. I am glad Cordless that you had a night of vodka. Looks like you had some fun from the posts here and I hope your hangover is not to severe.
ha ha Drink some water when you wake up. and get some rest.
I wondered where you were!
I don’t think Mf showed up either.
Or darkwillow.
Missed you.
It was fun.
No hangover really; my neck is a little sore from sleeping in an awkward position, and I had to pee really bad when I woke up, but other than that, Voila. Slept for seven hours and here I am again.
418 posts>>>> I think that is an SP record!!!!
I think that is a SP record 😀 I no u said u tiny drink much cordless how’s your head feeling today my friend
I feel fine.
Really! 🙂
OMG I’m not even going to try to go back through this maddness.
LOL!
Ohhh, come on, with enough caffeine in your system you could make it through. 😉