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Musings of a Pill Popping Loser – Part II: If Only I Weren’t Lonely.

by Shephard

Hurry up and fuckin’ wait — oh, how I despise that phrase/former way of life. I don’t like sitting ’round on my arse doing nothing (besides exam prep) but that’s what I’ll have to do for now. Things should be bearable as long as these folks working my case stop making it all about money and meeting these stated outcomes of theirs, because otherwise I’m going to turn violent… and that won’t end well for whoever happens to be on the receiving end of my violent gestures.

…but I’m not a violent person by nature. Of course not. I’d much prefer to reach a compromise via dialogue or appeal to the good nature of the other party concerned; but the truth is there is no good-natured individuals who take up the role of lord and master over those who don’t have the power to fight back — for fear of losing the only remaining support they have left. For the next two months I shall remain optimistic but aware of the fact that things could go tits-up in the blink of an eye.

I really hate this fuckin’ world.


I’ve set myself a little personal milestone with regards to the compensation process I started back in December, which for most folks is sorted within a month yet here I am almost four entire fuckin’ months later. Here’s the thing: either I’m getting a lot of money or I’m getting nothing at all. That’s no exaggeration on either side of that spectrum as that’s the advice given by my doctor and what makes the most sense from other cases I’ve read about. I’m giving it till the end of April before I actually contact those monkeys down-the-line, but I’m hoping to receive something by then.
If I really won’t be receiving anything, then that’s okay. I’m more than capable of living a little while longer before the madness blows my brains out. But… But… If I happen to receive financial compensation from the guv’ment and it happens to be a substantial amount, I’ll be able to appropriate funds to’rds the following in this order:

– Paying off my one and only debt
– Securing my own apartment
– Helping find a job (preferably as a civilian IT technician for the service)
– Purchasing an assault rifle and putting 30 rounds of Mk. 262 5.56 through the head of that moron who calls himself my cousin’s boyfriend
– Saving the rest for later use

That’s the gist of things anyway, and I won’t expand on them right now. More than anything, receiving compensation for the injury I’ve endured will do a lot to motivate me to carry on with life and capitalise on the recent qualifications I’ve earnt — and I’d even consider investing a small amount to finish off the diploma study of mine.

As with most all things in life; it’ll just take time.


I need to make a new friend in the next month. Some folks I’ve met these past few months have been good, but I need someone I can connect with on the regular and who I can properly confide in, as they will surely be able to confide in me. I doubt I’d meet anyone from here and that’s okay, but I’ll figure something out. I usually do. It’d be nice to know someone I can meet up with for a hot cuppa on a chilly Friday morning on the waterfront or something, y’know? So hopefully I will meet someone in the meantime — it’d do wonders for my sanity.

Securing compensation.
Securing a friend.
Securing my future.

There’s not much else I could ask for as a man, and I’d be quite the smiling soul if I were to secure the above. But even if I do fail, there’s a deer slug with my name on it that’ll put me out of my misery for good.

Yes, ma’am.


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distant.road 4/5/2016 - 8:46 am

“Hurry up and wait.”

Indeed, I know that phrase well.


“But… But… If I happen to receive financial compensation from the guv’ment”

Make sure they have your full record from every doctor.
Stay on top of your claim.
Don’t do it alone. Get a VSO, etc.
Be prepared for a long road with the process.
Don’t give up.


“and I’d even consider investing a small amount to finish off the diploma study of mine.”

See what Vocational Rehab programs you might be eligible for. You can research and submit the initial application online.


A friend is a good thing in life. That’s a noticeable absence from mine.

You have some good goals. Goals are your friend.

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/5/2016 - 8:46 am

My car foesnt drive on water or I’d come have a cuppa with you. What EVER THAT is. I’m hoping it’s something to drink?

Mr Angry-mosta tha time 4/5/2016 - 10:51 am

‘A cuppa’ is; a cup of coffee, a cup of tea, maybe a hot chocolate too.

Not sure where your from shephard, but I’m in Aus and ‘cuppa’ is a common one here

Shephard 4/17/2016 - 6:16 pm

As Anger Man said, it’s a hot brew down here in NZ. Not sure what you were thinking?

I hope you’re well. Seems things have gotten to you lately. *hugs*

PhantomCitizen43 4/5/2016 - 9:29 am

I am sorry to hear about the pains you have been going through with all of this.
But I can see that you have a pretty nice list of things that you want to accomplish….
its really positive to think things through like that and come up with a list of goals to
improve your situation. I wish you well with accomplishing those goals and wish you the best in life. Keep on keeping on. Hang in there
Try stay positive.

freeroma 4/6/2016 - 1:00 pm

It’s not all about money, not by a longshot. the system we have is broken, but that’s a means to an end. some people need longterm goals to try for and focus on to keep going. what’s happening now is real and more important, but it helps shape any variant of the future.

‘fight back’. i know better and knew better. there’s been a lot of deleted words on my part over the past month, but i know anything i can say or expand on doesn’t erase or excuse what i said and how i said it in the first place. i already know what kind of person and friend my actions define me as.
and as things stand, i don’t have the right to say anything else.

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