Hi. I’m the rug.
I’m in pretty significant pain today, but something new, my family is also screwing me out of what little money I manage to save up.
I lent my sister 1k a while back.
Rather than paying me, she paid my mom, and told me I could get it back from her- which we all know isn’t true.
My mom has bought an in-ground pool during a semester where she screwed me out of paying a third of my college semester, and now she has taken out a second mortgage on the house.
She threatened to kick me out again over something as silly as wearing a black work shirt for another day, so I knew something was up. The next day, she asks me for 2k ASAP.
I have 4k saved up, and I don’t know what I will do with it.
I never go anywhere, and have no aspirations. I just build this cushion, and get bled dry of it, I guess.
I don’t know what to do.
My dad won’t hold my sister accountable for paying me what she owes me, and she makes much more than I do. She lives with my mom, and now she’s planning on going to Italy.
Money isn’t really a thing to me compared to the pain, and even that isn’t really the root cause, it’s just my worst symptom.
This family fucked me up so much in adolescence, and now it’s just continuing on into young adulthood. I don’t think this older generation realizes that this generation isn’t just suffering financially, but being a dependent can be psychologically damaging as well.
Now my dad is willing to pay for my doctors visit, but part of me- to his surprise and mine- doesn’t want to go!
Because I don’t have the money, and I don’t want to take what I don’t have.
Because DARWIN, as odd as that may sound.
Because, if I’m honest, there’s something very honest about this disease.
I’ve found I haven’t had any symptoms when I’m at work. It’s just when I’m stressed AT HOME. I can no longer physically handle my mother, which makes me feel that I should not have had to handle her when it was only emotionally and psychologically damaging, either.
….maybe I should go anyway, and take the lesson it’s given me. I still want to die if I don’t get better, but my mind has brought me to a place where I feel as though that wouldn’t be a bad thing.
I don’t know if this is even making sense to anyone else but myself. It’s all kind of messed up.
10 comments
Why don’t you use your savings to find your own place? you might feel better and have a better relationship with your family when you have your own space maybe
^ This. It might be a very good idea to get your own place.
I’m always trying to think long term. I wanted to save as much money as possible, holding out for as long as possible, before I moved out.
The urethritis I got when I was 22 is coming back with a vengeance at 25 coming into 2016. It’s made it hard to look beyond the week.
I don’t know if I can come back from this, even if I do manage to escape my family.
Life was a struggle before. The pain has taken away my mental reserves. I’m not even sure if any of it is worth it, looking at the path before me.
Might But in my situation it not worked but right now nobody digging my brain.
I’m sorry about your situation.
I had many Problems With my Family And It’s endless Story I don’t even want to talk someone about That. But they’ve Kicked me out from home Many times I had So hard past but I’m still alive now. And last time they kicked me out My mother and sister Didn’t even helped me. I was working And I found room for rent and I’ve moved finally. But nothing got better. I’m not contacting them anymore because I know they don’t need me and don’t care me anymore.. But wish you’ll find your place Or you’re life will change To better.
But truth I Though Was when you’re far from family they’ll miss you and mind you but I know they don’t.
All this life is so Fuck’n painful.. I’m living alone right now and helping my damn life and knowing there in my future isn’t any point..
And again I Hope you’ll find your way or everything will change better with you! 🙂
I’ve harbored so much ill feeling about them, I really can’t see me giving a damn whether they missed me or not.
My mother has missed me in the past. I tell people I love her…in a “Stockholm-y” sort of way.
My sister interjects in my life story and rewrites portions, to a very large extent, wasn’t even present. I’ve told her if she wants to call me a run-away, she’s on the other side of a hard line. My mother, who actually did kick me out, doesn’t even dispute that. My sister seems to think “seeing both sides” is the same as choosing both sides in some way or another. It’s hard to get an honest read from her because she’ll debate me when she’s high (I can’t always tell) or when she’s been drinking, but she doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me when she’s sober, either.
My dad is great. I would never fault him for the divorce mess, and he’s a great financial support. Too bad all that alimony goes to my mom living way above her means, while continuously getting laid off. Thing is he takes care of 3 other kids all younger than I am from his new wife- who is lovely, honestly. The kids are a bit of a handful, as expected, and somehow I’ve gotten lost in the middle. That’s how it feels like, anyway. He wasn’t all that involved before to the extent I needed him to be back when my mom was drinking, splurging, and making my life a living hell. Damn, I wish she would have never taken me back in. At least then I could have learned to be street smart rather than being ping-ponged from mom’s, dad’s, mom’s, in my car, mom’s, aunt’s, 3 friends’ couches, damn it.
My sn wouldn’t be Resentment if I gave a damn, but impressions do count if I want a home- You’re right, mom, the grass IS looking purple today 🙂
I’ve faked love, and rationality, for so long while my dad has just escaped it, being the bystander.
Do I look like a *****? Because they’re fucking me like a *****.
Life is a struggle before and after.. and possibly always will be but for me having my own space to think and recharge is priceless really, I don’t know how Id be able to cope being around family members 24/7 having to putting on a smile and saying everything is fine so I don’t bring worry to anyone. Its nice to just have a place you can be a lone and be yourself.
I think 4k is more then enough to move out really, Id deffo look at spending some of that on things that could make you happy before jumping straight for exiting
Hope it’ll help you and you’ll feel better Because Before I moved from them They told me that I’ll be so lonely And I’ll fail in my life and They was right.
I didn’t looked at Username (My Bad) Wrong Comment.. My English is Off..
I *had* 4k
2k was half of what I had, she owed me 1k before that, and I still have medical bills to pay. I can afford it all, but I’ll probably be close to broke. Did my taxes, and state asked me to pay $10. Didn’t know you had to keep track of your school expenses.
I feel like my parents should be imparting some sort of real-world knowledge, but a lot I learn mostly by making mistakes, or my previous employer who somehow filled a motherly role- even showed me how to look into my driving surcharges.
I’ve only just learned that Massachusetts has very high rent compared to other places. I may just need to uproot entirely.
I don’t know how to get out of my situation. I’ve got the work ethic, the schooling, and my parents taught me next to nothing, nevermind how to escape them.
Really does just make you want to die.