I cant fucking do this anymore. I hate almost every aspect of my life and who ive become. I still work a shitty job and live in a shitty place underneath a bunch of drunk losers one of those losers whom happens to be my father who abandoned me as a child and skipped out on child support and avtually, hes the reason i was born premature. Because of alcohol he abused my mom and i before i was born.
I thought i got over the anger and sadness. I had come to terms with itt and enjoyed my time with my dad. However i now realize that im not over it. Im so incredibly angry and sad. And its like nobody understands. I cant talk to anyone about it. Not even him. I want to yell at him and tell him he is awful and he makes me feel this way. I want to tell him a real father sticks around and makes sacrifices for his child. No matter the sacrafice but he has never sacraficed for me. Recently he apologized and told me he is going to slow down on the drinking. Then an hour later he called me looking for someone else and he was hammered.
Not sure how a daughter is ever sopossed to get over this kind of stuff. I just want to run away. I just want to sell my belongings and buy a plane ticket.
6 comments
ALLbeletsHAPPY, Sorry unfortunately some people are like that, all you can do is learn from his mistakes, and carry on with your life, sounds like that’s what your going to do soon. don’t let anyone turn you bitter. 🙂
You know i thought i already did that. I guess i have to do it all over again.
There’s alot to be said for getting old enough that you see your own flaws and then getting even older and accepting them. Eventually you will get so old that you will even understand your father’s flaws.
Understanding is not making excuses, btw. Understanding is not forgiveness, but it leads to it.
Until that day comes you are going to have to muddle along. But first and foremost, protect yourself, listen to the rage in your heart, know it but don’t give into it.
Hi again. I’m sorry all of this is happening to you. I’ve sent you an email, if you still have that email..
If not, feel free to contact me devinbelver@yahoo,com
What do you like to do? What makes you happy?
I hate that you’ve had to deal with that! You are completely right? What daughter should have to learn how to get over that….much less learn to deal with it to begin with??? Daughters are supposed to be able to rely on their fathers, see them as our protectors, and rocks. First of all, I think it was incredibly gracious and mature of you to even attempt giving him a change in your life after what you said he did at the beginning of your life and with your mom. The fact that you gave him another chance to be in your life shows that you definitely grew up to be a compassionate and forgiving woman. We can be forgiving but if you feel like you want to get away don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for that. We can forgive people but forgiving doesn’t mean we have to allow them to continue to hurt us anymore. Again, I’m sorry as well that you’ve had to deal with this at all…..no one deserves that.
Thank you. It always made me sad to see all these daddys girls you know?
It was definatly hard to let go and give chances but i did it and i feel pretty silly for thinking everything would work out okay. Its hard.