When I speak of my debilitating depression I make it sound like I’m just running to the store to grab a few items. Only on the rarest of occasions have people seen how crippled I am, even my closest friends. I have found that people who do not have chronic depression and suicidal thoughts cannot understand, even though they might want to. I just told the man I love that I’m taking a hiatus from the world for a little while and that I’ll be back. I did tell him I’ll be around if he needs me. If people really knew how deep, how all-encompassing, how all-consuming this is, they would run away ~ and rightly so.
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I can relate to how hard it is to find people who truly understand how you feel. How this pain and negativity is literally destroying you. But I guess that is a part of why we are here. Just don’t tell yourself that everyone should be leaving you because then you will start to act as such in front of them. You will become the reason you lose those people you want to keep close. The people that could save you. You might be surprised by opening up to some of them in the end.
But time to yourself is always important because so much of this has to do with your own thoughts and feelings. I hope your break from everything is helpful for you and that it helps you heal a little bit.
I don’t like being asked, “What are you depressed about?” I don’t like being told that depression is a choice. I don’t like being told to cheer up. Understanding depression for someone who doesn’t have it is like a woman trying to understand what a prostrate exam feels like or a man trying to understand how a pap smear feels.