June 11 MC will be getting married. I should be happy for him, but I know it’s a mistake.
I cannot be happy for him. His reasoning for getting married? – “She wants to get married. She’s either going to marry me or someone else”. When I asked him – what will it change since they’ve been living together for over ten years? – he replied (angrily) “It doesn’t change a damn thing!!!” (When we both know marriage changes EVERYTHING). I was waiting for him to tell me how much he loves her, how he can’t imagine life without her, etc. but he never has.
I have to go the wedding. I have no choice. It will be sheer torture to watch. To not go would look strange and people would notice. They would suspect that I loved him too much to face it. They would be correct, but I won’t let them see. They must not know. I must be there to support his, terrible, terrible, terrible mistake.
I’ve bought very dark sunglasses… I’ve stockpiled sedatives… I’m going to have at least 2 vodka drinks before I go.
It’s a short event, just 3 hours from start to finish. Can I endure? Are there enough pills? Is there enough liquor? I haven’t slept for days just thinking about it. I’m going to be a wreck by next Saturday.
Would you go to watch the person you love most in the world marry someone else (yes, even if you’re already married like I am). Am I brave, a good friend, or just a glutton for punishment? Am I punishing myself for loving him?
4 comments
As someone who’s been through a similar situation, my heart goes out to you. I was not in a romantic relationship with the guy I speak of, but I was completely in love with him. He was with a girl who treated him badly and was an overall *****. He ended up marrying her and now they have two kids. I know at some point he did love me and I often wonder how it would have been if he married me instead. I honesty think he was too scared because I treated him like gold and he wasn’t used to that. We still keep in contact over the Internet but he has his life miles away and I have mine here. I miss him, time has made things easier over the years but I think he will always have a small piece of my heart. I hope you can be kind to yourself and you are able to find peace with this.
Thank you everyone for your kind words. It helps.
I too think MC is scared and this is his way of grasping something familiar. It’s funny, but that’s the prayer I’ve had for him lately – that he’ll find Courage. Courage to see his wife’s negativity; courage to see it makes him act negative as well; courage to want something better; courage to move on.
I will be his friend throughout and wait, even if it means forever. I will build him up with loving kindness, make him realize he’s worthy of better love. Maybe not me, but someone better than her.
I have to view this as not a “period” but a “comma” to our story.
I would think that you’re being a good friend…. You really should go, even if you don’t approve and will be upset by it…. -_-
Good luck. Hopefully things don’t go horribly. No stabbing the bride to death 😛 (that was a joke, I hope it was taken as a joke…. sorry if it upset you)
FFS I have stood in your shoes. Watched helpless so many times while I watched someone I loved walk off and begin life with someone else. Smile and fake I was happy for them when really I was seething inside. Seething at how awful and cruel life is.
Even yesterday I looked at his FB post. A picture of him and his family. HIs wonderful successful life. What he deserves after the awful childhood and life he led and hated him. Hated it all. Fuck life sometimes. Fuck love. Fuck them all.