In August I’ll be starting high school. I’m not sure I want to though. All I think about is getting lost, making a fool of myself, strangers I’ll have to talk to and tell myself they’re not talking about me. I think about the stress, the exams, homework, pressure, and I want to stay home. Even before all of this nonsense, I though about saying goodbye to this life. High school is just another reason for me, I guess. Sure people change in high school, and gain friends, become prettier, smarter. But what about the ones who become sadder, who realize life isn’t fair. What’s so good about high school anyway? I start having panic attacks and my anxiety kicks in when I think about how much I’ll have to endure in high school, then I’ll have to go through college. Will I even make it to college? I want to go to a private school. I want people to acknowledge me. I’m scared to die without leaving an impact on people. That people won’t remember me. But there’s nothing special about me. I’m literally the definition of normal. What will I do?
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3 comments
If your stressed out about the idea of going to HIgh school then maybe you should look into the possibility of Home schooling.
But I have to say I think HIgh School is an important part of life. Its not all good. there is some bullshit to deal with. But its part of the process of learning to cope with the real world.
I think its best for most people to buckle down and learn to deal with it. Also when you go its best to really focus on your studies as they are important for life later on… and how you do in High School can have a big impact on what the rest of your life is going to be like.
Having myself just finished my freshman year before summer, I’d say yeah there’s going to be some shit you’ll wish you’d never have to deal with. More stress, possible social drama, and the idea that the rest of your life is being determined by how well you do. Home schooling can be a great way to avoid these thing and if you feel it necessary perhaps look into it, but if you can learn to at least try to deal with this now, trust me it will never get better. You’ll make friends, it might take awhile and still might only have about one or two. Your grades are important, but don’t make them your life. People will freak out and say your whole life can be ruined if you don’t really focus, and maybe that’s true, but if you fuck yourself doing so then what’s the point. Try as much as you can, give a good shot, but if you can’t quite be the smartest kid or get the best grades, don’t worry about it.
I myself just finished my freshman year of high school a week ago. I’m gonna be honest. Everything that you mentioned will happen. When you walk back into whatever school you go to, you’re going to notice that things have changed. And they’re going to keep changing as the year progresses. People are going to look at you differently whether it’s in a better or worse way, and it’s going to be really tough. If you are used to getting sleep now, that’s going to change. I sleep an average of four hours a night now. And to top it all off, the stress of the extra schoolwork and tryinto fit in somewhere are going to bring you down. A lot. There were times when I had panick attacks and couldn’t go to school, or had panick attacks at school and had to rush to the bathroom to try and calm myself down locked in a stall curled up in a ball in the corner. At my school, if you are having a hard time, you can ask the teacher if you can take a walk. I’ve only ever taken advantage of this once since I usually can bottle everything up until I get to the bathroom in between classes, but when I did it really helped me. Just try to focus on keeping whatever sanity you have while dealing with the schoolwork and drama. Remember that you can always put a quick post up here whenever you need it, and we’ll be here to help you and empathise, because we have gone through or are go into through the same things.