Get on my level

I tried talking it out with him we never get anywhere I swear same old shit always happens. He is suppose to be rocking with me be my home boy and ride or die with me but his family seems to be first priority when they will kick him out in a heart beat for being out at night he is 22 but religion is to extreme along with control of his parents like they should trust their son to be able to male the right decisions he does bad because he knows no one has faith him so he thinks like whats the point but still he sticks up so much for these people like yeah they helped us out alot but still this enviroment is not for us and he doesnt support me in the right way I need when im lpw he makes my feelings 100 times more intense and add wood to the fire all I want to do is talk real with you and now its like I have no energy or happiness left inside me because theirs no hope for my future never thought the circumstances would have changed you. Nothing I ever do is good im trying so hard pouring out my damn soul but you cant impress anyone out here and it gets so full on like your souls afire and your like whats the point in anything since your going no where and he never gets he never is on my level anymore like all I want to be able to do is be my own person i’m so controlled its like no matter what I say im always in the wrong. Cant you see how depressed and hurt I am but like no one even wants to try with me I need support that no one can offer the one person I thought got me doesnt any more would drop me like a hot plate when I’ve been riding with him since day one he loves me so much I know this because he gets so hurt and I read his messages quite often we gel like crazy but ever since I got here things have gone down the drain I cant deal with it ive tried comitting suicide 4 times but I hate pain like fuck off I dont want to have a painful death. I can never get through to him im dying inside im 18 years young I wanted tp enjoy life with him he was the one that pulled me out of depression and put me on the right track when I was off the rails I was the exact same to him as he was to me we both helped each other he said he loved me first I didnt see him more than a friend at that point before he said he loved me he was mayor of friend zone bc I knew he was muslim. Their is no support in this world for me I’ve tried everything.