Adult children who still live with their parents can find romance, too. (Bringing dates home could be awkward though, so try to find love interests who’ve got their own place. At least one person in the relationship should be an independent, self-sufficient individual).
My current GF has a droopy eye, a wooden leg, and she snores. But her brain is beautiful and multifaceted. I love her like chimps love throwing poop. We met on OKCupid and both of our written profiles, not the pictures, made us want to date each other.
Define yourself by negatives and the world says no. Define yourself by positives and the world says why not.
I’m 673 months old, right now I’m with serious GF #17. The only relationship I regret is the one that involved her (#5) running over me with her car. The secret of my success is opening my mouth and saying, “Hey, you wanna go out sometime?” A few were duds. Many were so freaking sweet. Yes, the list of “no”s would stretch from here to the moon. But, so what? If everyone said yes, it wouldn’t be any fun!
#15 once said to me, “you sure are defined by your relationships.” To which I replied, “yep! That’s a good thing.” She didn’t understand and, naturally, didn’t last.
Reach for that next relationship! Prepare yourself. Leave room in your heart for new perspectives that come in that moment when “you” + “me” becomes “we.” Yes, the road is bumpy and lonely when you start. Keep grinding your gears, you will figure it out.
well i hope your right. because the entire reason my last relationship ended because my bf wasn’t physically attracted to me. i can just see this happening to me over and over again. no one wants a fat girl with glasses and curly hair. i’m already starving myself to lose weight and lost 50 lbs but it’s not enough. i hate every fibre nerve and cell of my being.
GF#11 started dating me when I was 325 lbs. When I was down to 230 she dumped me. There are a billion ppl out there with a billion turn ons. Don’t buy into the whole starved model culture! Also glasses are sexy.
Sadly my GF’s droopy eye prohibits her wearing glasses. I tried to get her to wear a monocle but she thinks that is perverted. Go figure.
plus there’s really no positives to define myself by… i’m ugly, there’s no way to make that sound attractive. nobody cares about my mind or personality.
i have socially anxiety, it’s not easy or even plausible most times for me to put myself out there enough to know anyone. my first and only boyfriend was online, the one who ended up dumping me because it turns out fat girls disgust him although he reassured me time and time again that i did not. :p
Social anxiety is tough. Paxil helped with that. Right now it isn’t helping much. So I have bad days when I hate my body and good days where I try to get out. You do what you can, when you can. Slowly I am working my way out of this hole. The sun also rises.
I’ve just begun a new relationship and can not seem to make myself believe I’m even worthy of it. He thinks I’m pretty. He’s delusional. It’s all down to the makeup. Without it, I look in the mirror and hate myself. It can’t last because I feel like a fraud. One day he will realise that no, I actually am NOT pretty and wonder how I’ve deluded him this whole time.
Zelda, aren’t you with him because it’s benefiting you? If you want to be a martyr and feel bad about yourself, then be alone so you don’t drag somebody else down with you.
If you want to try to be happy and help bring joy to another person though, then don’t take his interest in you for granted. Think about how it makes you feel positive, because isn’t that what relationships are supposed to be about? Having good times and sharing your life with another person?
Yeah, you’re right. I should just let him go and spare him the torture of being with me. I thought I could try to fight my inner demons and that sharing good times with somebody would be enough to help me want to remain a part of this world. But if I can’t do it, I guess it’s admitting defeat and gives me only one alternative. Logically, I know I am a good person and that I have something to offer. But emotionally I can’t believe it. I know I’m screwed up in ways which nobody should have to put up with. I shield him from my down times. How am I supposed to be with somebody if I can’t fully open up to them? If I can’t succeed in this aspect of life, well, there’s nothing else here for me. It really is a cruel twist of fate that the people who need a caring relationship in their lives are the ones least likely to get them.
ZeldaSky, enjoy his company and let him enjoy your’s, even though you feel depressed oh well! how is it going to help to tell him that all the time? you have us for that!
nepheliad, you know that extremely important site rule about being kind? You’ve broken it in your reply to Zelda.
I have body dysmorphic disorder. When I look in the mirror, all I can see are flaws. It’s part of my mental illness. It’s not a choice and it’s not something I can control.
Telling someone like me or Zelda that we should leave the people who love us because our lack of self-image is making them miserable taps right into some of our worst fears and reinforces all the self-loathing we already hold.
It’s really unkind to tell someone who is reaching out for help that she’s making her partner miserable. Especially when you have literally no evidence to support that assumption. How would you feel if someone told you that you really are making someone you love miserable by being mentally ill, and that you should be alone to spare them from you? Not very good, I suspect.
Think twice before you post something this unkind another time. You clearly don’t understand what Zelda is dealing with, and your hurtful comments are clearly not helping her. If anything, they’ve done the opposite.
@ZeldaSky
Nobody tells their significant other every single thought they have, especially when they’re not feeling great. So you’re totally normal there. Everyone is screwed up in their own way, too.
I don’t think you should end your relationship, just try to take care of yourself and you might feel more optimistic.
Sleep 7-8 hours a night, exercise, eat as healthy as you can and cut back on unhealthy foods and beverages, stay hydrated, spend a little time in the sun everyday, get a flattering new haircut (or a wig), wear nice clothes, try to stay away from unpleasant people, listen to uplifting music, watch films and shows that made you laugh or feel good, take up engaging hobbies and interests.
These sorts of simple, everyday habits and experiences lead towards being better able to cope with fluctuating emotions, negative thinking, depression, mental and physical health issues, etc.
I’m about to go through a big lifestyle change soon. I’m moving to an area closer to him. Right now, we are long distance, and it’s still very new. So I’m putting off making any major decisions until after I see what my new move will bring? Will it bring me a job? (I’ve not worked in years due to illness.) Will a change of scenery help my state of mind? (I don’t like where I’m currently living.) So yes, lots of unknowns right now. There are things I could do to improve my health, but I’ve been battling it for so long. I suppose, for the moment, the only option is to keep fighting and keep moving forward.
I didn’t mean to sound harsh before, btw. I was just playing the Devil’s Advocate for a minute, because relationships should benefit both parties, and *you* should be concerned about what *he* is bringing to *your* life, not just what you are bringing to his life. If he’s into you, he’ll like you for you and you won’t have to be anything but yourself.
You do sound like you’re going in the right direction with the move. Yeah, keep swimming. 🙂
34 comments
“Instead of crying because it’s over, smile because it happened”. – Dr. Suess
it was nice while it lasted, but it won’t happen for me again. i just feel it. i don’t think that’s anything to smile about.
How can you say with certainty what will or will not happen in the future? Do you have an infallible, all-knowing crystal ball?
Even senior citizens can find love, so don’t lose hope.
Adult children who still live with their parents can find romance, too. (Bringing dates home could be awkward though, so try to find love interests who’ve got their own place. At least one person in the relationship should be an independent, self-sufficient individual).
Can’t say I’ve loved anything much in my life. This doesn’t leave much to look forward to
it’s not going to happen because i’m homely.
My current GF has a droopy eye, a wooden leg, and she snores. But her brain is beautiful and multifaceted. I love her like chimps love throwing poop. We met on OKCupid and both of our written profiles, not the pictures, made us want to date each other.
Define yourself by negatives and the world says no. Define yourself by positives and the world says why not.
SeeSmith, we all have a droopy eye and a wooden leg, we just don’t choose to see it. however be careful you don’t get splinters!!!
I’m 673 months old, right now I’m with serious GF #17. The only relationship I regret is the one that involved her (#5) running over me with her car. The secret of my success is opening my mouth and saying, “Hey, you wanna go out sometime?” A few were duds. Many were so freaking sweet. Yes, the list of “no”s would stretch from here to the moon. But, so what? If everyone said yes, it wouldn’t be any fun!
#15 once said to me, “you sure are defined by your relationships.” To which I replied, “yep! That’s a good thing.” She didn’t understand and, naturally, didn’t last.
Reach for that next relationship! Prepare yourself. Leave room in your heart for new perspectives that come in that moment when “you” + “me” becomes “we.” Yes, the road is bumpy and lonely when you start. Keep grinding your gears, you will figure it out.
well i hope your right. because the entire reason my last relationship ended because my bf wasn’t physically attracted to me. i can just see this happening to me over and over again. no one wants a fat girl with glasses and curly hair. i’m already starving myself to lose weight and lost 50 lbs but it’s not enough. i hate every fibre nerve and cell of my being.
GF#11 started dating me when I was 325 lbs. When I was down to 230 she dumped me. There are a billion ppl out there with a billion turn ons. Don’t buy into the whole starved model culture! Also glasses are sexy.
Sadly my GF’s droopy eye prohibits her wearing glasses. I tried to get her to wear a monocle but she thinks that is perverted. Go figure.
plus there’s really no positives to define myself by… i’m ugly, there’s no way to make that sound attractive. nobody cares about my mind or personality.
Nobody = nobody you know. Know more people and your problem goes away.
i have socially anxiety, it’s not easy or even plausible most times for me to put myself out there enough to know anyone. my first and only boyfriend was online, the one who ended up dumping me because it turns out fat girls disgust him although he reassured me time and time again that i did not. :p
Social anxiety is tough. Paxil helped with that. Right now it isn’t helping much. So I have bad days when I hate my body and good days where I try to get out. You do what you can, when you can. Slowly I am working my way out of this hole. The sun also rises.
i’m assuming you’re male? it’s a lot harder for fat females – we really are the ‘untouchables’.
spvnalittlelie, fat females are fun! who wants a bony chick!! 🙂
Yes, I’m a cis male. I’ve been on several sides of the fat issue and I think it’s equally hard regardless of gender.
My GF is short and big, but her blood pressure is very low so I don’t worry about her health. She is very touchable.
I’ve just begun a new relationship and can not seem to make myself believe I’m even worthy of it. He thinks I’m pretty. He’s delusional. It’s all down to the makeup. Without it, I look in the mirror and hate myself. It can’t last because I feel like a fraud. One day he will realise that no, I actually am NOT pretty and wonder how I’ve deluded him this whole time.
Beauty is internal. That’s what he see’s.
Well thank you rocketman. But I still will never shake the belief I’m unworthy. It’s just too ingrained.
Zelda, aren’t you with him because it’s benefiting you? If you want to be a martyr and feel bad about yourself, then be alone so you don’t drag somebody else down with you.
If you want to try to be happy and help bring joy to another person though, then don’t take his interest in you for granted. Think about how it makes you feel positive, because isn’t that what relationships are supposed to be about? Having good times and sharing your life with another person?
Yeah, you’re right. I should just let him go and spare him the torture of being with me. I thought I could try to fight my inner demons and that sharing good times with somebody would be enough to help me want to remain a part of this world. But if I can’t do it, I guess it’s admitting defeat and gives me only one alternative. Logically, I know I am a good person and that I have something to offer. But emotionally I can’t believe it. I know I’m screwed up in ways which nobody should have to put up with. I shield him from my down times. How am I supposed to be with somebody if I can’t fully open up to them? If I can’t succeed in this aspect of life, well, there’s nothing else here for me. It really is a cruel twist of fate that the people who need a caring relationship in their lives are the ones least likely to get them.
ZeldaSky, enjoy his company and let him enjoy your’s, even though you feel depressed oh well! how is it going to help to tell him that all the time? you have us for that!
That is why I don’t open up about that part of my life. And we do enjoy the time we are together.
there you go!! keep enjoying it!!! 🙂
nepheliad, you know that extremely important site rule about being kind? You’ve broken it in your reply to Zelda.
I have body dysmorphic disorder. When I look in the mirror, all I can see are flaws. It’s part of my mental illness. It’s not a choice and it’s not something I can control.
Telling someone like me or Zelda that we should leave the people who love us because our lack of self-image is making them miserable taps right into some of our worst fears and reinforces all the self-loathing we already hold.
It’s really unkind to tell someone who is reaching out for help that she’s making her partner miserable. Especially when you have literally no evidence to support that assumption. How would you feel if someone told you that you really are making someone you love miserable by being mentally ill, and that you should be alone to spare them from you? Not very good, I suspect.
Think twice before you post something this unkind another time. You clearly don’t understand what Zelda is dealing with, and your hurtful comments are clearly not helping her. If anything, they’ve done the opposite.
ZeldaSky, Treat him nice and you are worthy. That’s all anyone could ask for.
A good heart is stronger than an evil fart.
Goddamn, I hope so, or my partner and I might not be together much longer.
@ZeldaSky
Nobody tells their significant other every single thought they have, especially when they’re not feeling great. So you’re totally normal there. Everyone is screwed up in their own way, too.
I don’t think you should end your relationship, just try to take care of yourself and you might feel more optimistic.
Sleep 7-8 hours a night, exercise, eat as healthy as you can and cut back on unhealthy foods and beverages, stay hydrated, spend a little time in the sun everyday, get a flattering new haircut (or a wig), wear nice clothes, try to stay away from unpleasant people, listen to uplifting music, watch films and shows that made you laugh or feel good, take up engaging hobbies and interests.
These sorts of simple, everyday habits and experiences lead towards being better able to cope with fluctuating emotions, negative thinking, depression, mental and physical health issues, etc.
I’m about to go through a big lifestyle change soon. I’m moving to an area closer to him. Right now, we are long distance, and it’s still very new. So I’m putting off making any major decisions until after I see what my new move will bring? Will it bring me a job? (I’ve not worked in years due to illness.) Will a change of scenery help my state of mind? (I don’t like where I’m currently living.) So yes, lots of unknowns right now. There are things I could do to improve my health, but I’ve been battling it for so long. I suppose, for the moment, the only option is to keep fighting and keep moving forward.
I didn’t mean to sound harsh before, btw. I was just playing the Devil’s Advocate for a minute, because relationships should benefit both parties, and *you* should be concerned about what *he* is bringing to *your* life, not just what you are bringing to his life. If he’s into you, he’ll like you for you and you won’t have to be anything but yourself.
You do sound like you’re going in the right direction with the move. Yeah, keep swimming. 🙂